she misses me and cares but won't do anything about it

[demo3k]

Alright well here's the story really quick, girlfriend and I were together for about 1 1/2 years, but had really liked each other and kind of dated for about 6 months before that so we had been together pretty much for 2 years. The last few months we fought more than usual and then she became really busy with a lot of different things and before I knew it we were breaking up. I fought for her back as hard as I could for a weeks and it wasn't doing any good at all so I went NC and told her I didn't want to be friends but she really wanted us to still be friends and talk, I said no. But every few days after not hearing anything from me she'd call me or send me a message online trying to talk to me and me being weak would usually talk back some. She started dating someone else and we lost contact a little more and were only talking every three or four days now, then one day she calls me all upset because she misses me and is not sure what she wants and has been confused for a while now. I asked her to break up with her boyfriend so we could see what we had but she said she couldn't and then she said she wanted to hang out very soon.. but I didn't hear from her again for over a week.

 

So after nothing for a week she calls me up and I guess the guy she was dating cheated on her and she wants us to hang out, I shouldn't have but I did.. we went out on a date to a nice resteraunt and then to a party later that night. We both had too much to drink and had a friend drive us back to her house, nothing really happened. I think it's kind of important to note all night we had kissed and held hands and were pretty much a couple. So we hang out the next few days and then I asked her if we were getting back together or what, and she said she just wanted to take a break from dating anyone for a while. The next time we hung out it just turned into a big fight, I was trying to hold her hand and be like a boyfriend and she acted like we weren't anything but friends.. so we stopped talking for a few days and when I get ahold of her next she's dating someone new.

 

Second try at NC, I told her to forget it and that I'm getting really tired of that stuff. She says can't we please just be friends, we'll end up back together but for now she just wants us to be friends, wants me to move on and start dating someone else. I said whatever I'm not really interested in that and she started crying and said she didn't wanna lose me just couldn't be with me right now. So I said whatever okay. After that we really weren't talking a whole lot, we'd talk for a day or two then nothing for a week. Well I started dating someone new for about a week.. I had put on myspace a picture of me and this girl and posted something about her. This last Friday morning I get a call waking me up at about 7. She says I need to take that picture down and stop writing stuff about this girl, she hates having to see it. She tells me she misses me so much and realizes she screwed everything up. I didn't know what to say to her and I had to go to work, but I called her back that night and we talked some more. She's still dating this other guy but she wants us to hang out tomorrow, I said okay.. so I went over there during the day and we had a great time for a few hours hanging out, went for a drive and stuff. Then she says she wants to hang out later tonight and go to a party or something.. I said okay and said what time, she says 11 because she has to hang out with her boyfriend til then. I probably should've seen it as she really likes me and is trying to be with me even behind his back as a good thing but I saw it as a jealousy thing and said why can't u just hang out with me all night and it became a big fight.

 

She tells me she cares about me a lot and isn't sure who she wants to be with right now, me or him. She knows if her and this guy break up she is going to get back with me right away and this time it's for good. She keeps tellling me though that if I really cared I wouldn't be dating this other girl and that nothing can happen right now anyway since I'm with someone else. Then we got into a really big fight and she says nevermind I don't think there is any future for us but of course that passes a few minutes later and she's crying in my arms for a while before I leave. She tells me she'll call me later but ends up going out with the boyfriend and I hear nothing. Next morning I call her to talk and we talk for a while, she calls me again a little while later.. I asked her if she wanted me to come over for a while and she says probably I'll give you a call in a while and let you know when. A few hours later I call to see if she is going to be around or not and she says she is getting ready to leave she'll call me when she gets home. I never get a call all night. So I leave her a voicemail pretty late (went out with the girlfriend and some friends and didn't get home til really late) saying thanks a lot for the phone call and that I really don't know what the hell she's trying to accomplish. My phone rings this morning and she says what is my problem, why did I over-react about her not calling me back when I went out with my girlfirend anyway, I said I only went out with her because you didn't ever call me back for us to hang out, she says whatever just don't get pissed at me for stuff when you're out with your girlfriend anyway. I asked her what do you want me to do, if I end stuff with her is stuff going to change anyway? She says she doesn't know, maybe.. and I had to go into work, she says call her at 5. So in a few hours I'll be talking to her again.

 

What the hell is this girl thinking? Basically is she even more confused than me or is she just playing me?

[D-Lish]

I think you already know what people are going to say to this.

 

She's treating you with a whole lot of disrespect- and you're allowing her to do it. You're not a challenge to her, she knows she can have you back anytime she wants, so she's having her cake and eating it too.

 

You are almost as much to blame for allowing this to happen.

She can date, and actually call another guy her bf... but she's jealous if u do the same?

 

No matter how much of a hold this girl has on you, you should reconsider running to her everytime she asks. That will never work for you. As you can see, dating other people and appearing like you're moving on are the things that drive her crazy and force her to make decisions.

 

Does this girl sound like a prize? No. But if you want her back you need to play hardball. Cut her off, date other people, don't pick up the phone when she calls... tell her you don't care anymore and that it's over. Then ACT like it's over.

 

That is the only way to get her to respect you and come running back. She'll panic when YOU reject HER. You're way too available and accomodating. yeah, she's playing you...like a fiddle.

 

Why do you even want her back?

[Kamille]

I really wish I understood what compels people to hang on to relationships that are so obviously wrong for them. Then maybe I could give you some advice.

 

You remind me a lot of a friend of mine. The one question I keep asking him is: what do you think love is? How do you see it operating in your future? Are you sure maybe this person is not doing you a favor by giving you soooo many signs that you should move on?

 

Maybe you should spend less time thinking about how to make this relationship work and more time thinking about what you want and need in a relationship to be happy.

 

See, for me, love is something that two people build together through their actions, to help and support each other - making each other's life better, believing in each other, being there for each other. I, perhaps naively, believe that the person who loves me would protect me and avoid hurting me at all cost. This person certainly would not drain me emotionally, nor damage my self-esteem. This person would see me for me and love me just like that.

 

In the end, I would rather have a love that is fulfilling and peacegiving then one that is passionate but filled with emotional turmoil. Rather have a positive addiction then a negative one, if you catch my drift.

 

So why do you love her? What is it that you see you two building together? What is it that you see you two offering each other?

[InvisibleTouch]

I agree with the other two.

 

This girl obviously does not know what she wants or, more importantly how to conduct herself in a mature, stable way when dealing with other peoples emotions. In short she lacks empathy and is utterly selfish and for whatever reason her emotional develpment is stunted. To help paint a clearer picture of what you are involved with you are dating a child!

 

It is not healthy for you and you must cut her out of your life and heal before moving on and finding someone with the the maturity and empathy that allow you to build true love and not some wishy washy substitute.

 

Good luck!

[Trialbyfire]

I think you already know what people are going to say to this.

 

She's treating you with a whole lot of disrespect- and you're allowing her to do it. You're not a challenge to her, she knows she can have you back anytime she wants, so she's having her cake and eating it too.

 

You are almost as much to blame for allowing this to happen.

She can date, and actually call another guy her bf... but she's jealous if u do the same?

 

No matter how much of a hold this girl has on you, you should reconsider running to her everytime she asks. That will never work for you. As you can see, dating other people and appearing like you're moving on are the things that drive her crazy and force her to make decisions.

 

Does this girl sound like a prize? No. But if you want her back you need to play hardball. Cut her off, date other people, don't pick up the phone when she calls... tell her you don't care anymore and that it's over. Then ACT like it's over.

 

That is the only way to get her to respect you and come running back. She'll panic when YOU reject HER. You're way too available and accomodating. yeah, she's playing you...like a fiddle.

 

Why do you even want her back?

Bang on. She's jacking you around. Shut her down fast before she uses you more. The "friends with communication" thing, is a way for people to keep you on a string, in case the other situation doesn't pan out. It also allows them to wean off you slowly. I don't think you owe her anything.