another ?

[aly]

We haven't been intimate since Feb (b/c we have both been dating around). We are sharing a room together on this trip in 2 weeks & I feel uncomfortable doing that if he can't commit to an exclusive relationship with me or call me his GF. It kinda makes me feel used and its like Im only good enough to sleep w/ but not good enough to call me his GF. I feel I should ask for seperate rooms to avoid being used. Things might change btw now & then...we might be a bit more serious. But I cant tell if Im being too old fashiond or I should just trust him? what?!?

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "We are sharing a room together on this trip in 2 weeks & I feel uncomfortable doing that if he can't commit to an exclusive relationship with me or call me his GF."

 

So why did you agree to go on this trip and share a room? Why didn't you ask for separate rooms in the first place? Why would you do something you feel uncomfortable about? Those are questions you'll have to ask. We don't know you well enough to answer them for you.

 

YOU ALSO WRITE: "It kinda makes me feel used and its like Im only good enough to sleep w/ but not good enough to call me his GF."

 

Well, that's one way of looking at it. But a guy can be very fond of a lady, want to make love or have sex with her, but simply not want to have a girlfriend at this particular time. Females do this with the same frequency.

 

You are not necessarily being used. However, if you feel he would be using you that's all that counts. You are in charge of your body and make it very clear to him that there will be no sex during this outing...if you decide to go.

 

YOU WRITE: "I feel I should ask for seperate rooms to avoid being used."

 

You are the captain of your vagina. You don't need separate rooms to avoid being used. You just need to be able to say "NO." I really can't understand why you are going on this trip. Are YOU using HIM for this cruise? Who is using whom? If you don't want to engage in sex and he forced that upon you, he will be guilty of a felony and spend a lot of time in jail. You're the boss here.

 

If you feel the way you do, I don't even think you should go on this cruise. But if the two of you are going on the cruise as a romantic couple, separate rooms sounds a little whacky. I just don't know. I think if you feel you need to have separate rooms, under the circumstances you have presented, you ought not to go. Are you just afraid he may take somebody else or meet some hot babes aboard the same ship? He probably would...so what would your loss really be?

 

Buy your own cruise.

 

YOU SAY: "Things might change btw now & then...we might be a bit more serious. But I cant tell if Im being too old fashiond or I should just trust him?"

 

Anything can happen. But it's highly unlikely things are going to truly change in a meaningful way in the next few weeks.

 

People in a forum can't tell you how to conduct yourself in this situation. However, as a rule of thumb, if you have doubts or you don't feel comfortable about something...don't do it. Whether you're being old fashioned or you don't trust him...let your conscience be your guide. The bigger question is do you trust yourself?

 

You never have to sleep with somebody against your will. However, if a guy is paying for a cruise for you, he's either going to expect something or you're going to feel obligated enough to give it to him.

 

If he now sees other people, I think you should make it very clear to him that if you go on this trip, it's just another date...no sex!

[MercyRose]

Why don't you just ask him if you can have a little chat about the relationship. Discuss the recent past and future-i.e dating other people vs. a holiday together sharing a room.

 

Ask him if he just wants you for casual sex or if he is genuinely interested in beginning a romantic relationship with you.

 

When you get his answer, think about it, then decide what you want to do.

 

You have a right to ask him these questions before you commit yourself to something that may make you feel used by him.

 

He may just be assuming you want what he wants-so find out exactly what it is he wants or expects from you and your relationship.

[aly]

Thank you both, Tony & MercyRose for helping me sort out my thoughts! Thats exactly what I'll do, ask him what he wants, make sure we are on the same page and if he wants something different than I (ie casual sex), then I am OUT! Its not a good idea to persue this relationship or go on the trip....it would be too empty and meaningless-to me. I can buy my own trip!

[MercyRose]

Good for you

 

and Good Luck!

[C]

And I don't see why you have to sleep with him, even if you do go. Is dating without sex unacceptable anymore? Is this the morals of today? There's nothing wacky about separate rooms. Romance doesn't equal sex, something can develop during this time you spend together.