How to overcome fear of trying new things?

[ilmw]

Thanks Guest. You actually gave me a little more confidence in going again. The thing is, I wont see my mentor only in the context of this group. We will be going out solo and he lives really close to me. But I think he's sane and harmless.

 

My dad and childhood has contributed a lot to my anxieties. Growing up in an alcoholic family, never knowing exactly what will happen, worrying about parents fighting, getting a divorce, staying up all night because of the noise, having the police called and dad hauled off to jail to sleep it off, having dad drunk every weekend/holidays/birthdays, trying to hide this from my friends. Sober, my dad's really awesome and I love him dearly. But when drunk, he's done some stupid ****. And my mom has her own issues in insecurity, neediness and manipulation. I hate trashing my parents because they really are great hard working honest loving people. But I cannot deny what has happened either. They're human right? Noone's perfect and they didnt have great role models either. I understand WHY I'm like this. I just dont know how to overwrite my programming so that my first response isnt always fear.

 

Hi Dgiirl,

 

Just been reading this thread... hmmm

 

I to had some insecurites from my upbringing... mother getting left by dad when I was 8 and growing up feeling different to all the other kids who had 2 parents... (classic perseption is everything)

 

Very shy teen... I couldn't talk to girls in highschool.... I'd freeze up... feel like a fool... very self absorbed... low self esteem...

 

Then I said one day *uck this... and moved to the UK and joined the army.... I was able to face ever fear I had... fear of meating people.. fear of crowds... of hights..(jeesh I'v climbed to mountains... and alot of cliffs... fear of open water... god... the list goes on...

 

I learned to have a "*uck it" attitude... in that.... just do it... almost fatalistic... I'm like this when I fly. allot..

 

You know what my profession is now.... I have to deal with lots of scary people at times... and because of training.. and life experience... I deal with it... No problem... (I have managed to get my self out of the self doubt prison)... by doing things I never thought I could do before...

 

I was a pretty emotional messed up teen.... but was lucky enough that I made some right decisions... (early on)

 

I guess the point of this other than to toot my own horn... .. .. is as some of the other posters have said... just do it.... Not many things are as bad as are minds make them out to be.... Trust me on this.. I deal with this on a daily basis.... but we have to think worst case all the time.. so as not to get the guard down.. etc

 

You have done so well.. and as long as I have known you... (you know what I mean.. ) You have shown much strength and courage... There is no reason you can not do this "out there"

 

If you are uncomfortable... then take baby steps... but "do it"... force yourself too...K

 

You posted doing some things you have never done before... stuff by yourself.... remind yourself of these things... find strength in this... you did this... so why can't you do that... right..

 

Anyway.... you do sound happier...

 

Take care

ilmw

[SummerRae]

Anyways, I think I'm going off topic. The point is, I want to go to this pub, but I'm petrified of going. I dont know how to introduce myself to complete strangers and keep a conversation going. I'm scared i'll go there and not see the group and feel like an idiot and leave (I've had this happen before). I'm scared I'll be followed home. And so on and so on.

 

Hun, I sooo know where you are coming from--you have no idea how much we are in the same type of predicament (I just posted a 'situational anxiety' post before searching for 'social anxiety' threads!!) I am currently looking into counsellors to meet with to get over this. I've even contemplated medication for my fear!!

 

I read somewhere the other day that anxiety stems from a fear of something that is bigger than the actual threat. And perhaps this rung true.

 

I would love to talk more to you about what you're going through. Perhaps we could help each other!!

[Green]

I've always wanted to have a panic atack it seems kind of cool

[SummerRae]

 

My dad and childhood has contributed a lot to my anxieties. Growing up in an alcoholic family, never knowing exactly what will happen, worrying about parents fighting, getting a divorce, staying up all night because of the noise, having the police called and dad hauled off to jail to sleep it off, having dad drunk every weekend/holidays/birthdays, trying to hide this from my friends. Sober, my dad's really awesome and I love him dearly. But when drunk, he's done some stupid ****. And my mom has her own issues in insecurity, neediness and manipulation. I hate trashing my parents because they really are great hard working honest loving people. But I cannot deny what has happened either. They're human right? Noone's perfect and they didnt have great role models either. I understand WHY I'm like this. I just dont know how to overwrite my programming so that my first response isnt always fear.

 

WOW, Dgiirl, we have even more in common than I had originally thought! My dad is also an alcoholic and my mom could be described in much the same way!!!!

 

No wonder we have anxieties. Like you, I realize where they come from, I just don't know how to turn them off. The worst part is, that I work with an amazing woman boss who is has told me on more than one occasion that I am safe and that they will never "leave me hanging out to dry"... And yet, these fears persist. Do they see right through me? Do they see all my flaws? Am I going to get fired when they find out what I'm like? Do they see/feel all my awkwardness? What happened to my social butterfly attitude? Why am I so awkward? The thoughts go on and on and on (and yes, it feels as though try as I might, I cannot control my thoughts/fears).

 

Just this morning two of my new clients came into my office and I had another anxiety moment. I felt like they thought I was an idiot. They left to go to a meeting and then came back and as a little exercise (after reading your thread) I tried to concentrate on what they were saying as opposed to how to respond and it worked! I felt much better and likewise they actually responded to me in a friendlier way.

 

I read once that people pick up energetically when we are nervous, anxious, etc. and then they respond accordingly. This little morning experiment of mine confirmed the above. When I am calm, people will respond to me calmly. When I'm freaking out, people will get weirded out. lol (not funny, but must make light of this...)

((Hugs))

Summer

[dgiirl]

Summer, wow, I know exactly where you are right now. About 2 years ago, I was probably in the exact same situation as you. Fearful of losing my job, that they would find out and fire me. That I wasnt doing enough. All of it was unfounded. It was my own internal dialogue that was making me fearful. I didnt seek help until my exh abandoned me and i went into therapy. There I found out about anxiety and read every single piece of information i could find online. And everything just clicked. I started to be able to recognize the symptoms of my anxiety attacks and that helped tremendously. I started to monitor my internal dialogue and realize what is and what isnt important. Being stressed out and fearful of everything is no way to live, and I've taken tremendous strides in getting where I currently am. My anxiety is a little more manageable in that I actually do push my comfort zone every chance I get. It's still sometimes really scary, but I try and push myself. I also try to analyze my own fears and some of the things I'm fearful of is absolutely silly. For instance, I was just invited to a potluck and I started having anxiety over how to get food to bring to a potluck. Then a friend suggested takeout. So I had fear of actually going to a restuarant and choosing something my friends would like to eat. Then I had this whole scenario of messing up the order at the restaurant. It's actually really silly if you think about it. But during my anxiety attacks I cant think straight and the fear is real. It's hard work to actually analyze your thoughts and figure out what exactly it is that causing the fear. But it's all in my head, all to do with my internal dialogue. So I monitor that and try to change it where appropriate.

 

There's also a link between anxiety and depression. And I know at my worst anxiety attacks I was majorly depressed. To the point that I hated my body and was close to being sucidal. I know in my heart that had my exh never left me when he did, I dont know if I'd still be here today. So in a way, I know he had to leave. It was a bit of fate.

 

Anyways, I went to the meetup tonight and had a blast Since it was a much smaller group, I was a lot more comfortable. I'll probably go out with my mentor again in the week and I'm really looking forward to it

[SummerRae]

There's also a link between anxiety and depression. And I know at my worst anxiety attacks I was majorly depressed. To the point that I hated my body and was close to being sucidal. I know in my heart that had my exh never left me when he did, I dont know if I'd still be here today. So in a way, I know he had to leave. It was a bit of fate.

 

Anyways, I went to the meetup tonight and had a blast Since it was a much smaller group, I was a lot more comfortable. I'll probably go out with my mentor again in the week and I'm really looking forward to it

 

That's great dgiirl!! I'm glad to hear you went and had fun. Yes, smaller groups can be less intimidating.

 

You know, honestly, I never imagined I would have this anxiety. And yes, I think I may be a bit depressed too. It happens almost everytime I move. And with moving to a small town and it being holiday season, I feel completely displaced. Everyone seems to be enjoying family and friends but me ...

 

But anyways, am going to go see a therapist on Saturday. Found one on line today and I'm going to try her out... wish me luck.

 

Keep postin!!

 

Summer

[Guest]

Anyways, I went to the meetup tonight and had a blast Since it was a much smaller group, I was a lot more comfortable. I'll probably go out with my mentor again in the week and I'm really looking forward to it

 

Excellent This is exactly how you will eventually overcome the anxiety - by pushing past the fear to do things and finding the things are not only not scary - they're even pleasant and enjoyable. It will take time but eventually the will fade into the background.

[dgiirl]

omg, everyone is SOOO social. It's really crazy. I'm getting invited to go here and there and it's a little overwhelming. They dont realize that I have social anxiety, and they're just being friendly. But it's soooo many people, and mostly one on one events. I dont exactly know how to tell them I appreciate the offer, but it's a little too soon and I cant meet everyone and I need time to warm up to the idea. lol Mainly, I need time to warm up to the idea. And thus my anxiety levels are triggered. I hate feeling like this!

 

One day at a time tho. I'll get comfortable with the photography events... then i'll try some of the other events.