Group home?

[luvtoto]

My daughter has bipolar. Her meds, that she has been taking for two years, don't seem to be working.

 

I've been back to see her psychiatrist numerous times with concerns. The psychiatrist just says that she doesn't believe in giving too many meds to teenagers. I can respect that.

 

However, the psychiatrist told me that a group home may be what she needs.

 

What is a group home??

[laRubiaBonita]

there are many different types and levels of structure in Group Homes.

 

since she is a minor, i would imagine there would be a staffer on premisis 24/ 7 and it should be safe.

 

basically, it is a house with 2 or more "patients" who live there, get support and structure.

 

I lived in a group home situation, which was adults, so it was different than what a minor would have. but there was a woman who would give your meds, there were chores, we had some group therapy sessions..... etc.

 

in my case, ilived to far away from my out patient hosp. so i stayed there when not in my day program. we had recovering addicts, schizophrenics, people with bi-polar, anxiety, eating disorders, etc..

 

my only caveat about it was some people seemed more enabled by other patients to act out their diseases. and this happens in some group therapies too, but when you are living with similar people with similar problems sometimes it is easy to revert back into your disorder, especially if another person was having a "hard time".

 

definately ask the doc. pro's and cons

[luvtoto]

Thanks, laRubiaBonita. That's what I thought. I've just heard a few horror stories from other people that have stayed at a GH.

 

Is a group home a lock-up facility, like jail? Is there abuse?

[alphamale]

a group home for manic-depression? i've never heard of that...

[luvtoto]

a group home for manic-depression? i've never heard of that...

Exactly. That's what I thought!!! It isn't like my daughter can just snap out of it and behave. Right?? Especially having a mental disorder.

 

The other day she threatened me with a knife verbally. She was in the kitchen while I was in my bedroom. She yelled to me that she was gonna take the knife out and hurt me with it. She then put it away.

 

She tries to run away from home, her grades suck, her attitude sucks. No interest in aaannnyything. I can't even ground her from things, because she doesn't have any interest in things. I've tried to get her interested in activities but she loses interest quickly.

 

I even need to nag her to wash her face and take showers..and comb her hair. She is sick all the time, and she misses lots of school. We go to the doctor almost twice a month for a new ailment she has. Took her to the Dr. last night for a sore shoulder...the dr said she probably strained it and it will take care of itself. My daughter was pissed!! She wanted to have something wrong with her!

 

She usually goes to bed around 7:30p.m. every night.

 

If she has friends over at our house, she loses interest in entertaining them.

 

I think my daughter likes to be a victim.

[allina]

 

She tries to run away from home, her grades suck, her attitude sucks. No interest in aaannnyything. I can't even ground her from things, because she doesn't have any interest in things. I've tried to get her interested in activities but she loses interest quickly.

 

I even need to nag her to wash her face and take showers..and comb her hair. She is sick all the time, and she misses lots of school. We go to the doctor almost twice a month for a new ailment she has. Took her to the Dr. last night for a sore shoulder...the dr said she probably strained it and it will take care of itself. My daughter was pissed!! She wanted to have something wrong with her!

 

I think my daughter likes to be a victim.

 

 

Whoa! Okay, I know that you work hard and i mean no disrespecct but look at how you are talking about your child. If I remember correctly, your daughter is 14, this is a difficult and crucial time in her life. How can you even consider dumping her off at some group home. Many people are diagnosed with bi-polar and depression and work through it. It sounds like your daughter is seriously depressed and needs better therapy and much better support at home. I think that what she needs is your love, and to feel safe at home, I also recommend that you do NOT leave her home alone with her younger brother to sleep over at your bfs.

[InsanityImpaired]

Given the behavior she displays the diagnosis of bi-polar may be incorrect. And if it is, the medication she gets will not have much positive effects on her.

 

It could be the case that she does suffer from something else. Can you get a second opinion?

[SoCalCatman72]

Given the behavior she displays the diagnosis of bi-polar may be incorrect. And if it is, the medication she gets will not have much positive effects on her.

 

It could be the case that she does suffer from something else. Can you get a second opinion?

 

I agree that under these circumstances a second opinion is warranted, however the behavior she is displaying is remarkably similar to how I behaved as a bi-polar adolescent, angry, hurtful, disinterested in life. Sometimes the hormones of adolescence can really screw up a 'normal' person's emotions, and you throw bipolar disorder into the mix, and bam.

 

One thing I would like to say is that it took me until I was 30 to finally accept my disorder and begin treating it with medication, and the first step was to find a shrink that I liked and trusted.

 

Your Dr. can have a wall full of diplomas and accolades, but unless your daughter feels 'safe' and comfortable with her Doctor, her disorder will be extremely hard to treat.

 

There are many medications for Bipolar Disorder, speaking to the fact that no one medication is a blanket treatment for the disorder. I currently take Zyprexa, which is quite frankly the only drug that has worked for me, and I was only able to isolate this as an effective treatment through brutal honesty and openness with my Doctor.

 

The meds are only 1/2 the battle, 'talk therapy' is probably just as important as the meds, as that is how the Doctor will be analyzing the effects of the medications.

 

Best of luck to you and your daughter.

[lighthouse]

I even need to nag her to wash her face and take showers..and comb her hair. She is sick all the time, and she misses lots of school. We go to the doctor almost twice a month for a new ailment she has. Took her to the Dr. last night for a sore shoulder...the dr said she probably strained it and it will take care of itself. My daughter was pissed!! She wanted to have something wrong with her!

 

She usually goes to bed around 7:30p.m. every night.

 

If she has friends over at our house, she loses interest in entertaining them.

 

I think my daughter likes to be a victim.

 

Luvtoto I have a friend whose daughter did the same thing. She was also diagnosed as bi-polar and has, for the past 6 years, been acting the way that you describe. She always has something wrong with her and when I asked her about it one day (when her mother wasn't around) she told me it was easier. If she didn't feel well and if the doctor said something was wrong with her then she wasn't expected to do anything.

My friend has not handled this well IMO.

I have never heard of a group home for bi-polar but, to be honest, it doesn't really make sense to me. I am sure that there is abuse in homes as there is abuse everywhere but I would like to think (hope) that it is the exception rather than the rule. LaRubiaBonita should be able to give you better information as she lived in one.

I agree with InsanityImpaired about getting a second opinion. Also, I understand your reluctance regarding medication but sometimes it is necessary. Take your daughter to see someone else and then decide what is the best course of action for your family and your daughter.

Just because one psychiatrist is anti-medication doesn't mean that your daughter should be denied what, for many people, has been a true lifesaver. There is a lot of new medication out there for bi-polar disorder. It just takes a while to get the right medication for your body.

lighthouse

[luvtoto]

Whoa! Okay, I know that you work hard and i mean no disrespecct but look at how you are talking about your child. If I remember correctly, your daughter is 14, this is a difficult and crucial time in her life. How can you even consider dumping her off at some group home. Many people are diagnosed with bi-polar and depression and work through it. It sounds like your daughter is seriously depressed and needs better therapy and much better support at home. I think that what she needs is your love, and to feel safe at home, I also recommend that you do NOT leave her home alone with her younger brother to sleep over at your bfs.

So everything my daughter is feeling & her current mental state of mind is my fault. Really?

 

Maybe, I am a bad parent.

 

I HAVE to be. Why else is my daughter going through all this??? If I would have tucked her in every single night, if I would have said, "I love you" every time I was next to her...if only.

 

I am a bad parent. Maybe allina is right. I am almost crying at work now.

[luvtoto]

No...I am crying.

[allina]

So everything my daughter is feeling & her current mental state of mind is my fault. Really?

 

Maybe, I am a bad parent.

 

I HAVE to be. Why else is my daughter going through all this??? If I would have tucked her in every single night, if I would have said, "I love you" every time I was next to her...if only.

 

I am a bad parent. Maybe allina is right. I am almost crying at work now.

 

I in NO way said that you were a bad parent. But it does sound like your daughter is not being diagnosed properly or treated properly (by doctors not by you) And as her mother I think you need to fight for her and make sure she gets proper treatment. Putting her in a group home will take the power over what happend her out of your hands and will further ailienate the two of you. Though she is difficult and angry with you at times, I think that you and your actions are her biggest chance of getting happy and being successful.

 

I wasn't trying to put you down, i didn't say you wee a bad parent or at fault, butshe has to come FIRST. it appears that the doctors aren't doing their job as well as they could. I think you need to strongly step in and get a 2nd, 3rd opinion, as well as find a trustworthy therapist.

[SoCalCatman72]

So everything my daughter is feeling & her current mental state of mind is my fault. Really?

 

Maybe, I am a bad parent.

 

I HAVE to be. Why else is my daughter going through all this??? If I would have tucked her in every single night, if I would have said, "I love you" every time I was next to her...if only.

 

I am a bad parent. Maybe allina is right. I am almost crying at work now.

 

NO!!! You are not a bad parent. You are a parent with a child that has an illness. You may be frustrated, hopeless and at the end of your rope, but from what I am reading you want what is best for your daughter.

 

Tucking her in and saying I love you to her helps, but it is not a cure, and it is definitively not the reason she is acting out. Bipolar disorder is still not well understood, but NOTHING you have done or not done caused this disorder, she was born with it.

 

I do agree with allina insofar as a group home is not the solution. I counsel foster kids (many with emotional disorders) and can tell you from my experiences that these children living in group homes do not get the individual attention they need to effectively treat their illness.

 

You are not a bad parent. You love your daughter.

 

Be strong.

[allina]

No...I am crying.

 

Are you trying to make me feel bad or guilty?

 

I was just trying to explain my point of view and offer suggestions since I view this as a huge deal and a decision that will have a huge impact on a young girl's life.

[lighthouse]

Whoa! Okay, I know that you work hard and i mean no disrespecct but look at how you are talking about your child. If I remember correctly, your daughter is 14, this is a difficult and crucial time in her life. How can you even consider dumping her off at some group home. Many people are diagnosed with bi-polar and depression and work through it. It sounds like your daughter is seriously depressed and needs better therapy and much better support at home. I think that what she needs is your love, and to feel safe at home, I also recommend that you do NOT leave her home alone with her younger brother to sleep over at your bfs.

Did I miss this part somewhere?? Seriously I am not trying to be funny but I don't see it.

lighthouse

[allina]

Did I miss this part somewhere?? Seriously I am not trying to be funny but I don't see it.

lighthouse

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t102541/ Sorry, I was refering to another thread by the OP. Given the circumstances, I am sticking with my opinion that her 14 year old daughter should not be left home alone with a younger sibling over night.

[luvtoto]

I in NO way said that you were a bad parent.

Yes you did. Telling me NOT to leave my kids at home to stay at my BF's house was a cheap shot. I never did that by the way.

 

But it does sound like your daughter is not being diagnosed properly or treated properly (by doctors not by you) And as her mother I think you need to fight for her and make sure she gets proper treatment.

My daughter has been to so many different counselors that she refuses to go anymore. She hates counselors. She is counselled out! Plus, I even let her switch schools this year so she can start fresh somewhere. The kids in her other school new she was bi-polar and teased her.

 

Putting her in a group home will take the power over what happend her out of your hands and will further ailienate the two of you. Though she is difficult and angry with you at times, I think that you and your actions are her biggest chance of getting happy and being successful.

I NEVER said I was going to and I quote, "drop her off". Her psychiatrist was the one that brought up the option of a group home for therapy. I didn't even know what those were.

 

I wasn't trying to put you down, i didn't say you wee a bad parent or at fault, butshe has to come FIRST.

What gives you the impression that I don't put my daughter first? I take her to the docter twice a week if she wants, I re-locate her in a different school, I am worried beyond belief about her. I feel with all the different dr's she's been to...that NOTHING is working. Where do I turn! What do I do? I would never in a million years be able to have my daughter go to a group home. I've heard too many horror stories. But, what are my options now? Group home...(says her psychiatrist).

 

it appears that the doctors aren't doing their job as well as they could. I think you need to strongly step in and get a 2nd, 3rd opinion, as well as find a trustworthy therapist.

Already have tried that. We even had a therapist come into our home a few nights a week. That didn't work either.

[luvtoto]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t102541/ Sorry, I was refering to another thread by the OP. Given the circumstances, I am sticking with my opinion that her 14 year old daughter should not be left home alone with a younger sibling over night.

My BF mentioned that idea to me...but, I felt too bad to do that. I just wanted to see what other people's thought were on the subject. Maybe, I was being too over-protective. But, it turned out that I got some great advice from everyone here, and I made the right decision.

[allina]

Yes you did. Telling me NOT to leave my kids at home to stay at my BF's house was a cheap shot. I never did that by the way.

 

 

It was honestly not a shot at you, this is about your daughter not you. Once again, I'm sorry if I worded anything in a hurtful way. When i read that your daughter pulled a knife on you my first thought was "oh sh*t what if something happens when the kids are home alone and an hour away" I thought that it was an important point to make becasue it could have serious consequences.

 

I know that the doctor was the one who suggested the group home but it appeared as if he was throwing his hands up in the air not knowing what to do and just suggested "putting her somewhere" This is why I think you have to push and push in these situations sometimes.

 

Also, I would suggest finding a support group for parents in your situation in your area, it could be a great way to get support and exchange ideas.

 

Anyways, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, I won't post on your threads.

[luvtoto]

NO!!! You are not a bad parent. You are a parent with a child that has an illness. You may be frustrated, hopeless and at the end of your rope, but from what I am reading you want what is best for your daughter.

 

Tucking her in and saying I love you to her helps, but it is not a cure, and it is definitively not the reason she is acting out. Bipolar disorder is still not well understood, but NOTHING you have done or not done caused this disorder, she was born with it.

 

I do agree with allina insofar as a group home is not the solution. I counsel foster kids (many with emotional disorders) and can tell you from my experiences that these children living in group homes do not get the individual attention they need to effectively treat their illness.

 

You are not a bad parent. You love your daughter.

 

Be strong.

This isn't about me. I feel so bad saying things like,"I'm at the end of my rope" or "When will things get better?" or feeling guilty for not enjoying my daughter's company. I love her, but sometimes...I just get soo frustrated!

[luvtoto]

It was honestly not a shot at you, this is about your daughter not you. Once again, I'm sorry if I worded anything in a hurtful way. When i read that your daughter pulled a knife on you my first thought was "oh sh*t what if something happens when the kids are home alone and an hour away" I thought that it was an important point to make becasue it could have serious consequences.

 

I know that the doctor was the one who suggested the group home but it appeared as if he was throwing his hands up in the air not knowing what to do and just suggested "putting her somewhere" This is why I think you have to push and push in these situations sometimes.

 

Also, I would suggest finding a support group for parents in your situation in your area, it could be a great way to get support and exchange ideas.

 

Anyways, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, I won't post on your threads.

I appreciate you posting that. I am just a woman at the end of her rope. Don't mind me. I misunderstood.

[the_alchemyst]

I think my daughter likes to be a victim.

 

Actually, I think this is a very astute observation, toto.

[luvtoto]

Actually, I think this is a very astute observation, toto.

Thanks, the_alchemyst. It's been my only logical conclusion. I have tried so hard to make that girl happy, but nothing seems to work. Only proves my theory that happiness comes from within.