Is this NC or just over?

[smoochie]

Hi all,I am new here and been reading your posts for a while to see. This is my first.A little background first...Dated and lived together for a total of 3 years. He was a horrible boyfriend and we had a bad break up. I never expected to hear from him again and was fine with that after awhile. Then about 10 months of NC, he called me. We talked for a few hours and he said sorry, blah, blah. He then started calling me for 6 months straight, averaging twice a month, leaving voicemails saying sorry and he wished he had another chance stuff. I would never pick up the phone.Two months ago he called and left a message and I became curious as to what he was actually sorry about. So I returned this call and we talked for hours. He read poetry to me that he had been writing about me. He swore he still loved me and missed me. We began to talk regularly on the phone and text everyday. He asked me to come visit him every time we talked (we live in two different states since 6 months before our breakup. The distance had nothing to do with the breakup). I asked him about his women (cause he was a cheater) and he told me all about them and what was going on in his life currently.Okay, fast foward to two and a half weeks ago. He sent me a pic of him to my phone. He sent the same pic of himself to 4 other women too at the same time. All of their phone numbers came across in the properties section of my cell phone. I knew two of the girls but not the other two. I got a little mad and did some pretty petty stuff. I called both the girls and said he was cheating on them. I know, kinda petty but I wanted to get a little revenge. Not because we were getting back together or anything...just got a wild hair up my "you-know-what". Needless to say, he got pissed and hung upon me when I called. I sent him a text a few days later saying I would be in the area (my job was sending me out that way) and if he still wanted me to visit. He sent back a text saying "he didn't know how I got the numbers (he thinks I have access to his phone records again. I used to have access when we lived together), that I was going to make him get a phone in someone else's name and why did I want to hurt him...that's not like Jesus." I responded by saying if he wanted me to come or not cause that wasn't an answer. A few days later, I called and left a message for him to call me. This was a thursday night 11pm, Friday morning I left two more vms and 3 text messages, all before 9am. So my meltdown lasted 12 hours and I haven't heard from him since. Nor have I tried contacting him any further. It's going on three weeks since I called those girls and two weeks since I heard anything from him. The girls by the way weren't anyone he was serious about. But that shouldnt have mattered cause he was the only screaming to get back with me.I know what I did was wrong but if you really love someone and have been trying to get back in for so long, why would you just turn your back and not even give them the chance to explain? That's the only part that doesn't make sense to me. He wanted me...I wasn't the pursuer. He was too desperate to see me.Btw, the last text I sent said "I don't know if you are getting my messages or not cause you haven't responded, but are you getting something out of this? Me calling and you not answering? Does this make you feel important or something? Cause if you really didn't want to talk, you would send a text saying so when I asked you in my first text. You tell people when you don't want to hear from them, especially when they ask you to. This is strange". So my questions are 1.) is this really over for him? 2.) is this something he has to stop being mad about in his own time? 3.) was he lying for all that time? 4.) why didn't he give me a chance to explain? 5.) is he waiting to see how long it take for me to call him again?I figure he knows where I am and how to contact me. Tbh, I really don't want him back...I just enjoyed listening to how much he wanted me Also, it burns me up for me to think he thinks I care enough to get his phone records and stuff. I know I shouldn't have called though.But if anyone can give me some insight I would appreciate it. I don't know if I expect him to call or not. As each day passes, it seems more likely than not that he won't

[gonetildecember]

Maybe you're right that you shouldn't have called- but do not for a second put this on you. If he's so serious about getting abck with you- why is he talking to all those girls like that, and why is he stupid enough to send a group message to all the women he is dating/talking to.

 

If he's carrying on with other women while telling you how much he wants to be with you, obviously he can't be that serious.

 

The calling him repeatedly after and leaving messages (as I have done in the past and am learning from)= not good. Now its like the cards are back in his hands and he has a reason to be mad at you and hold it above your head. I say give him a bit to cool off, no more contact from you, and see if he responds within the next week or so.. even tho really and truely it doesnt sound like he has changed his "cheating" ways...so who knows if you two getting back together would be the best idea- but thats your perogative.

 

If he was so into reconciling and calling as he has been for the past while, i don't think its goodbye for you, but I don't think you should contact him anymore... just wait it out.. and keep us updated when/if things progress.

[smoochie]

You know I didn't think about it like that...that I shouldn't put all the blame on myself. Thanks for that. And you are right, if he was that serious, he would have not sent those pics.

 

But to be honest, I really think that if he wanted me, he would have contacted me by now. It's been two weeks today since he contacted me. Is two weeks a long time for something like this?

 

I keep getting the feeling that he has completely forgotten about me and all of the feelings he had I destroyed by calling. Is that possible?

 

Wouldn't you think he would have at least wanted to curse me out or something? He just completely cut me off, with no explanation or anything? Is that normally how type of thing goes?

 

Any feedback would be appreciated. And thanks gonetildecember!!

[gonetildecember]

Np Smoochie... from some of the other posts I've read 2 weeks isn't a long time to go without contact. Who knows what he could be doing; he could be doing it purposely just to attempt to "get you back" for what you did to him, or maybe he needs some time to think things through.

 

I honestly don't think this is it for you two speaking, take it from me.. look up the post where i talked about my current situation.. they always seem to call/make contact when you least expect it.

 

If the feelings were truely there, which I think they were judging fromt he fact that he kept pursuing you and attempting to reconcile, then he can''t just FORGET about you like that.. As twisted as it is that he is talking to and carrying on some sort of relationship with four different women, he at least cares about you.

 

I just say wait it out a bit, make no attempt to contact him, and if in say two more weeks you still hear nothing, maybe then you can start worrying about it being over.