Invitation to Married Men

[pureinheart]

This just my opinion....most of the MM that have/have had OW are miserable, regardless of what they say....before discovery being happy with the situation W/MM/OW...after discovery W not leaving. Doesn't matter, MM is messed up.

 

Sure some are able to completely supress any guilt feelings, but the majority aren't able to do this and because of the fact that M don't communicate like we do ladies....well, some of them take this stuff to the grave....early grave I might add...what is the major killer today....stress.

 

Think of how insecure these MM really are

[HeadlessZebra]

 

But hey, as long as your marriage is better, who cares whose head you mess with, right?

 

:mad:

 

I thought you guys promised not to flame the MM's in this thread?

 

You're gonna scare them away and then you won't get the answers you're looking for... diplomacy, hello... I mean, the thread was started so they could just open up and freely tell their stories w/out fear of judgement... not so the ladies could scold them about the wrongness of their action, see what I'm saying?

[frannie]

Right. And I was honest in my response to him. Shouldn't the MM who posts expect anything also?

 

They're so relieved that the W didn't leave them, it doesn't occur to at least say here that they felt bad for manipulating the OW for their own selfish needs.

 

Once it all comes out, she's a piece of sh*t to him. I can understand why he needs to make the W think that but for Christ's sake, at least act like you feel bad for messing with someone's head and heart.

 

Oh I disagree here. If someone is going to post on this thread, honesty is what I prefer to hear.

 

There most definitely are people who will tell someone anything they think they want to hear, in order to get what they want. Everyone should realise that, know it, and believe that it can happen to them. Because it can.

[frannie]

I kinda thought Man Alive was really 'Woman Alive' I must be the denial stage..

 

I felt the same kind of response. Not because it was unbelievable, but just because of the way it was written: too perfect an 'answer' to many of the topics of the OW boards.

 

But I didn't say anything, because I know people who really are as shockingly cavalier about other people's emotions as this poster was being. So, while the post might be a set-up, the fact that people like that exist remains.

 

(apologies if I'm insulting Man Alive and he's a regular poster and people know him... I haven't checked anything about him)

[BenThereDunThat]

I thought you guys promised not to flame the MM's in this thread?

 

You're gonna scare them away and then you won't get the answers you're looking for... diplomacy, hello... I mean, the thread was started so they could just open up and freely tell their stories w/out fear of judgement... not so the ladies could scold them about the wrongness of their action, see what I'm saying?

 

I see what you're saying and I wasn't intending to flame him. Just making honest commentary, from my perspective.

[BenThereDunThat]

Oh I disagree here. If someone is going to post on this thread, honesty is what I prefer to hear.

 

There most definitely are people who will tell someone anything they think they want to hear, in order to get what they want. Everyone should realise that, know it, and believe that it can happen to them. Because it can.

 

You're right, I don't want them to lie. I was feeling some wounds being re-opened when I responded.

 

I guess I should count myself lucky (?) that this is the first time I've ever really experienced someone so manipulative. I guess that's the good thing about it all. Like you said, realizing that there are people in this world like that.

[sinceyouasked]

I'm still trying to get over the fact that something that was so major to one person was just a means to an end for the other.

 

I may be guilty of a lot of things, but never of telling someone I love them and not at all meaning it.

 

Lesson learned. A very hard lesson.

I lied to the OW a lot, that's true. I also don't feel bad about it. Since I am usually a very kind man, and a very honorable one, I've wondered, soul-searched if you will, to determine the cause of that. This is what I believe is the case.

 

First, I've been consumed with feeling bad about how I hurt the woman I really do love, my wife. Her pain was so great that I had no room to consider anyone else's feelings, including my own pain at what I'd done.

 

But second, and most important, I felt that the OW had set out to break up my marriage. I felt that her intentions were never to be "friends" as she had said. True, I got something out of the relationship, I got her focus, and that made me feel better, more valuable, for a period of time. And maybe for that I should be appreciative, but I felt the entire time and even more afterwards, that she was the pursuer, and was attempting to manipulate my life to suit her ends. I was just letting her believe that her manipulation was succeeding, when in truth it was not.

[pricillia]

I lied to the OW a lot, that's true. I also don't feel bad about it. Since I am usually a very kind man, and a very honorable one, I've wondered, soul-searched if you will, to determine the cause of that. This is what I believe is the case.

 

First, I've been consumed with feeling bad about how I hurt the woman I really do love, my wife. Her pain was so great that I had no room to consider anyone else's feelings, including my own pain at what I'd done.

 

But second, and most important, I felt that the OW had set out to break up my marriage. I felt that her intentions were never to be "friends" as she had said. True, I got something out of the relationship, I got her focus, and that made me feel better, more valuable, for a period of time. And maybe for that I should be appreciative, but I felt the entire time and even more afterwards, that she was the pursuer, and was attempting to manipulate my life to suit her ends. I was just letting her believe that her manipulation was succeeding, when in truth it was not.

 

Ok I have another question, Do all MM lie to the OW, Since you asked , he is pursuing me... calls me three times a day, and If I miss a call, he thinks that I am seeing someone else.

[sinceyouasked]

Ok I have another question, Do all MM lie to the OW, Since you asked , he is pursuing me... calls me three times a day, and If I miss a call, he thinks that I am seeing someone else.

I wouldn't think there's be anything that all people do. My experience doesn't fit yours.

[BUTAFLY]

Manalives' post is very sicking. I'm starting to think lesbians have the right idea . Well I take that back. These "MM" are not the majority,they are sick people who need help from within; I am trained to think this way but sometimes that training goes right out the door when I read something like this. To think a man uses a women as a disposible object and couldn't care less is a frightening thought.

 

I digress...after reading manalives post my worst fear is my exwb/mm feel the same. I think that would destroy me. Plus I feel for manalives exOW. If i were her I would be in a padded white room after he described what he has done to her.

[Joelle]

I lied to the OW a lot, that's true. I also don't feel bad about it. Since I am usually a very kind man, and a very honorable one, I've wondered, soul-searched if you will, to determine the cause of that. This is what I believe is the case.

 

First, I've been consumed with feeling bad about how I hurt the woman I really do love, my wife. Her pain was so great that I had no room to consider anyone else's feelings, including my own pain at what I'd done.

 

But second, and most important, I felt that the OW had set out to break up my marriage. I felt that her intentions were never to be "friends" as she had said. True, I got something out of the relationship, I got her focus, and that made me feel better, more valuable, for a period of time. And maybe for that I should be appreciative, but I felt the entire time and even more afterwards, that she was the pursuer, and was attempting to manipulate my life to suit her ends. I was just letting her believe that her manipulation was succeeding, when in truth it was not.

 

Thanks for sharing, SYA. Interesting perspective.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

"I kinda thought Man Alive was really 'Woman Alive' I must be the denial stage.."

 

That was my thought also after reading the first paragraph. I also haven't been around long enough to know otherwise but is sounded like a woman to me. And I am definately NOT in the denial stage (questioning your own sanity and rational thinking... mind vs. heart... eyes vs. spirit... nope, nope nope, never again! - GAWD that one was by far the worst!)

[sinceyouasked]

I hate to bust all you ladies bubbles, but I've known a few men who were exactly like manalive, they may not have written it down but it's been talked about more than once. They may have been willing to write it in the relative anonymity of the Internet.

 

And no, I'm not either manalive or a woman myself.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Whoa, I don't have any trouble believing that a man could have those sentiments - and I have plenty of men friends that are "intouch with their femine side" I just thought it sounded like it was written by a woman, I loved the post, actually clipped and sent it to myself. AND I would love to believe it was written by a man, just agreed that I questioned it to for some reason.

[BenThereDunThat]

Whoa, I don't have any trouble believing that a man could have those sentiments - and I have plenty of men friends that are "intouch with their femine side" I just thought it sounded like it was written by a woman, I loved the post, actually clipped and sent it to myself. AND I would love to believe it was written by a man, just agreed that I questioned it to for some reason.

 

You know who I would love to clip it and send to?

 

Ugh. I cannot wait until I'm TOTALLY free and clear of this!

[NearlyThere]

I kinda thought Man Alive was really 'Woman Alive' I must be the denial stage..

 

Its strange I went away for a couple of days , having read what manalive had written and thinking about it, not so much what had been said, as it would not surprise me that that is what a MM could/would write. I can quite believe that a MM would say anything to get a woman into bed. Lets bring that into context not just a MM to his OW but also people in general to get the outcome that they require, will say whatever they feel is neccessary be it in the workplace, life or bed, to get the promotion, benefits or sex.

 

However the tone and the context that it was written in, I kept coming back of the feeling it was written by a woman.

[puddleofmud]

I have read this over and over and my gut tells me same: this was presented more to appease the poster as opposed to the reader? Or maybe something aimed specifically to or about someone?

It read more like romance novel to which women would respond rather than what a male would present on his terms about this kind of thing.

Though, I am willing to accept this behavior as truth just not so sure I accept where it came from nor what it was meant to accomplish.

Maybe MMA would care to clue us?

[BenThereDunThat]

Unfortunately for me, it rang all too true. I could totally see my exMM writing that....

 

It put into words everything I was feeling that he was doing, but was unable to actually come out and say, or admit to, because of my own fragile ego.

 

I have no problem believing an MM actually wrote that.

 

[Trialbyfire]

I lied to the OW a lot, that's true. I also don't feel bad about it. Since I am usually a very kind man, and a very honorable one, I've wondered, soul-searched if you will, to determine the cause of that. This is what I believe is the case.

 

First, I've been consumed with feeling bad about how I hurt the woman I really do love, my wife. Her pain was so great that I had no room to consider anyone else's feelings, including my own pain at what I'd done.

 

But second, and most important, I felt that the OW had set out to break up my marriage. I felt that her intentions were never to be "friends" as she had said. True, I got something out of the relationship, I got her focus, and that made me feel better, more valuable, for a period of time. And maybe for that I should be appreciative, but I felt the entire time and even more afterwards, that she was the pursuer, and was attempting to manipulate my life to suit her ends. I was just letting her believe that her manipulation was succeeding, when in truth it was not.

It sounds like something good happened in this, that you've learned a valuable lesson. I honestly hope that you will retain this negative experience and never hurt your wife or whomever you commit to, again. For such short-term gains, the ripple-effect damage is immense.

[BuckeyeBabe]

sinceyouasked.....

Are you certain that your "friend" had ulterior motives from the beginning? How long were you friends? I can say from experience that my motives were never sinister. I honestly started a wonderful friendship with a MM and, along the way, developed feelings. Finding out that he was married did not cancel out those feelings, it just complicated them.

Admittedly, I was played - BIG TIME! Yet, I still value him as a part of my life, even if just as a friend.

I'm just curious as to why you feel your OW was working from an agenda? It makes me wonder if my friend feels the same about me - and it's not the case at all!

[pureinheart]

I lied to the OW a lot, that's true. I also don't feel bad about it. Since I am usually a very kind man, and a very honorable one, I've wondered, soul-searched if you will, to determine the cause of that. This is what I believe is the case.

 

First, I've been consumed with feeling bad about how I hurt the woman I really do love, my wife. Her pain was so great that I had no room to consider anyone else's feelings, including my own pain at what I'd done.

 

But second, and most important, I felt that the OW had set out to break up my marriage. I felt that her intentions were never to be "friends" as she had said. True, I got something out of the relationship, I got her focus, and that made me feel better, more valuable, for a period of time. And maybe for that I should be appreciative, but I felt the entire time and even more afterwards, that she was the pursuer, and was attempting to manipulate my life to suit her ends. I was just letting her believe that her manipulation was succeeding, when in truth it was not.

 

In my old situation the MM persued me relentlessly for many years and I gave in thinking, "this guy must really love me to go through all of this" (ewww, gross, yuk). Then as the deception (relationship) went on he began to treat me almost as bad as he mostlikely treated his wife. In fact many times when talking to me in a heated argument, was actually talking to his wife.

 

Regardless of who chased who....I was wrong and only have me to blame....it is me that has to clean up my reputation (even though we didn't have sex)....it is me that has to regain the sanity I lost in all of this....

 

And when most say "friendship", I don't believe it anymore, not after this thing....the MM spoke "firendship" all of the time and uses "friendship" to try to keep this sick thing going....no more.....

 

And BTDT, I was real angry for a long time, it was just recently that the anger finally subsided.....

 

Last year at this time I called him everything but human....and ripped him a new one more than once verbally....I hated what he did to me....but now realize I did it to myself.

 

Last year was horrible for me....everything hit at once....got laid off from my 24 yr job, my daughter pregnant w/twins went into premature labor at 20 wks....lost both babies and my daughter almost hemorraged to death, my God mother ended up in the hospital and had to have surgury, a real good friend has a heart attack and had emergancy surgury, another really good friend called with the news she had bone cancer and didn't have long. This is the major things, there were many other things going on too.

 

I realized this MM was not there really for me and I took all my anger out on him....I had prayed for truth, well I got it....I was the problem, he couldnot have done this without my assistance....am not assisting anymore....I think co-dependancy plays a big part in these things....

 

Anyway Sinceyouasked, I appreciate your being upfront....your helping more than you think.....

[lovernotafighter]

I hate to bust all you ladies bubbles, but I've known a few men who were exactly like manalive, they may not have written it down but it's been talked about more than once. They may have been willing to write it in the relative anonymity of the Internet.

 

And no, I'm not either manalive or a woman myself.

 

it's not so much I don't believe it could what a man might have thought or done..it's just I don't believe a man would bother to be so wordy with the tale...it is just the way it was written and than he only made 2 posts at all just kinda make me think it was a woman *shrugs*

[puddleofmud]

Last year was horrible for me....everything hit at once....got laid off from my 24 yr job, my daughter pregnant w/twins went into premature labor at 20 wks....lost both babies and my daughter almost hemorraged to death, my God mother ended up in the hospital and had to have surgury, a real good friend has a heart attack and had emergancy surgury, another really good friend called with the news she had bone cancer and didn't have long. This is the major things, there were many other things going on too.

 

Oh! My! That just broke my heart. I am new to this forum so I don't know if you are doing better now but I certainly hope so!

Never the less, please accept my sincere condolance regarding the loss of your grandchildren, that your daughter may heal both physically and emotionally and my support regarding your other demanding situations about you have invested your love and loyalty.

I am truly sorry that the person whom you wish you could depend wasn't there for you.

If you would like I will go slap him severely upside his head. Cyber slaps to him, I say!

Take care and stay in touch.

[BUTAFLY]

SINCEYOUASKED,

 

you have experience of lying to women and hearing others stories about mean "playing" "leading women on" ect... Then please tell me how is a women suppose to know when a man is ligit?

 

my background:

Met him at work; told me he was single;he pursued me for months; we started dating;waited to have sex; met his family and friend; weekend trips;told me he loved me; discussed marriage; shopped for rings; next thing I know he is getting married (he had been engaged the whole time). I thought I did everything right what went wrong? Is this apart of the game you guys talk about?

If we can't count on words or actions then how do we know for sure when a man means it.

[BuckeyeBabe]

Wow, I did not realize how much what sinceyouasked said really bothered me. It's not just because of how my intentions may have been perceived. I am really disturbed by the thought that my 'friend", this man that I talked with every day, we confided things in each other, we had this bond - he was just playing with me? I know I was played, but to hear someone actually admit that he only wanted attention - it's a smack in the face. I'm glad he was honest. Maybe I'm not really ready for honesty. I am very upset right now - I need some wine. A good Shiraz I think!

I know the reality, but I think deep down I thought he really cared for me - even if just as a person or good friend. If my MM was using me in the same fashion that sinceyouasked described, he didn't give a damn for me at all. Ouch.