he kissed me...

[confused84]

this is long but I want to tell the WHOLE STORY.

So I have been good friends with this guy for several months but I feel like I have known him forever. We have lunch together a lot and talk about whatever, it's always fun, he has the same sense of humor as I do, and it had been the most non-awkward relationship I've ever had with a guy. He was always really honest to me, and he told me all his girl problems and was not shy with his emotions, which is something I've also never seen in a guy. He also happens to, of course, be really cute. In fact, before we were really friends, I was too intimidated by how attractive he was to really talk to him. And I have always had in the back of my mind the idea that I could potentially be very very attracted to him both physically and emotionally. Recently he broke up with his girlfriend. After they broke up I started hanging out with him more, we had lunch a couple times in a week and then he called just to talk for the first time. I started feeling the crush more, and I wanted him to like me too, even though I knew it would be bad to hook up or try to start anything, since we're such good friends and he also might be on the rebound from his girlfriend and just looking for some lovin.

So we were watching movies together on his couch with no one else in the room, and we were sitting close with our arms touching. I was tired, and he knew that, so I decided perhaps I would "fall asleep" on his shoulder. I let my head sink slowly until it was barely touching his shoulder, and then he moved closer so my head was resting on his shoulder. After a while his head was resting on top of mine. Then my hand fell on his chest, and we just laid like that for a while. Then the movie ended and the credits music was loud, so we woke up. I said I was sorry if I was hurting his arm and he said "no, that's fine, that's fine." as if he didnt want me to get up. Then he started saying "I had fun tonight" and I said "Me too" and then he put his hand on my stomach, and I probably had a really scared look on my face, because he said "what?" with a cute grin. Then it happened-- he leaned in and kissed me. Tongue and everything. I kissed him back, but not as much as he was kissing me. After that we acted all cutesy like we liked each other, and it was almost like we were pretending. I don't know if that's because we've been friends for so long or because we don't really genuinely have romantic feelings for each other. Then he asked me out for Sunday night (it was Friday) and told me I could pick the restaurant. He walked me home, and we continued to act almost like we were dating. When I got to my house we just hugged goodbye and he told me to call him about Sunday.

Immediately I was really confused and worried about what had happened. Did he really like me? Did I really like him? Were we just in need of affection? Would our relationship last if we really started dating? Or would we immediately decide we were only meant to be friends? Did we even have that kind of chemistry? Was he just needing closure from his previous relationship?

The next day I called him to ask about our Sunday night date. He said he didn't think he could do it, he had too much work. But maybe he could do lunch... It was the most awkward conversation of my life, and there was so much tension between us. Later he called me back and said "I'm sorry about last night. It's really embarassing. I don't know what came over me." I replied, "I don't know, I'm pretty seductive..." trying to be funny.

He jokingly agreed.

So then he said he could do dinner.

When we went out we just talked like normal except I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened.

I still can't get it out of my mind.

What was going through his head?

I have feelings for him but I don't know if they are just wishful thinking or what... HELP ME

[Firefox]

I tell you what, does he plan on getting back w/his ex?

That's something you can talk to him about or hint it at him.

If you really have deep feelings for him, let him know before your heart get's broken. But after reading what you wrote, it seems like he needed someone to be with by the end of the day. Us guys get lonely and want someone to be with and snuggle with.But who knows, thats my opinion.

But like I said, let him know about your feelings before you get hurt and it can terminate the relationship you have with him right now.

Good luck!

[Quinch]

I agree with Firefox. What happened was not necessarily wrong. Tell him that you like him but you're worried about what might happen. Ask him how he feels about you, what he wants from you and where he see's your relationship going. Tell him that you need to know exactly where you stand so there is no confusion or misunderstanding.

 

Hope it works out for you.

[Firefox]

Yeah, hope things work out. Get back to us about what is going on about this situation.

[Guest]

he has blatantly told me he does not want to get back with his girlfriend.

but i think maybe we both wanted somebody to love on.

but i cant stop thinking about him, and what makes it really hard is that his girlfriend doesn't know what happened and is so nice to me, even though i dont know her very well... she really likes him still, too.

this whole thing is very confusing.

i really don't know why he would kiss me... i wasn't going to kiss him, i just wanted to snuggle a little... the kiss was all him.

this is driving me a little crazy.

[Firefox]

he has blatantly told me he does not want to get back with his girlfriend.

but i think maybe we both wanted somebody to love on.

but i cant stop thinking about him, and what makes it really hard is that his girlfriend doesn't know what happened and is so nice to me, even though i dont know her very well... she really likes him still, too.

this whole thing is very confusing.

i really don't know why he would kiss me... i wasn't going to kiss him, i just wanted to snuggle a little... the kiss was all him.

this is driving me a little crazy.

 

So your just not sure what exactly is going on here?????

If it's driving you crazy, and you just can't tell him about your feelings, then you must not be in love with him. But if you are...tell him.

Get back to us. Good Luck!!!

[SuddenlyISee]

I was in this exact same situation last year. We were great friends, talked to me about problems with their partner and all sorts of stuff.. We'd always known we were perfect for each other whilst they were with their partner, then they broke up and the first person they came to was me. We got together... things were perfect til 3 months and then it all went downhill from there.. I guess 3 months is a ''Honeymoon period'' where they decide if they want their ex back or not.

 

If you really like him then be open with your feelings, but just be careful at the same time, as you could really fall for him and then he decides he really does want his ex back...

 

All the best

[Bobbie]

I have a 'rule' now & try and not engage guys in relationship discussions about their exes/ partners/ or mine unless I am pretty sure we are actually 'friends'.

 

I have had a habit of feeling insecure & becoming friends with someone all the time secretly wishing it was more because I fancied them! And never once has it become anything other than frustrating because I set myself up to be treated in a way that will become hurtful- because I really don't want to hear about a guys feelings for other people or see him fall for other women when I secretly want him myself!

 

This happened three times over the years before I realised it was about me not feeling confident to set boundaries and be present in a relationship with the guy anyway, but even recently it started happening after I filed my divorce and was feeling miserable.

 

I had no business even looking at a guy in that state without attracting someone who was emotionally unavailable 'cos truthfully I was emotionally unavailable too. And when the inevitable happened, & we had to decide 'are we getting deeper with this' we both felt too uncomfortable to relax and pursue getting to know each other and started acting weird and embarrassed!

 

You ask a lot of questions in your post which suggest you want to know exactly what will the outcome be before you've even been on one date. But no one's going to commit to you and tell you that before you get involved, and truthfully you need to avoid someone who thinks they can! It's about getting to know each other gradually and building a mutual relationship and enjoying yourself.

 

To do that you've got to be feeling resilient and confident and the less game-playing the better.

 

We've all done that sneaking outselves closer to someone we've become attracted to but really unless you can go on to say more openly 'do you want to get closer' and risk either the answer 'yes' or the answer 'no' you may not be ready & it's not the best timing for you.

[Mary3]

It just feels * weird * to you both because you are entering the romantic zone. Ask yourself if this romance is work risking the great friendship you have ?

[confused84]

so

i thought i had really gotten over this guy, because he got a new girlfriend (who, ironically enough, was his best friends ex and also his ex's best friend, wrap your mind around that one) and i felt like we were just friends and he wasnt even attractive to me anymore.

but now we've started talking every night online, and it is making me fall for him harder than the first time. we just have the same sense of humor, and everything he says makes me laugh. i can really be myself around him and he can really be himself around me. its just easy and never awkward or difficult.

but he also talks to me about how much he likes his girlfriend. he really wants me to approve of her and he told me that "from everything ive told her about you, she thinks she would really like you. she appreciates wit..."

i just dont understand why hes not madly in love with me.

and when he kissed me, was it just for the hell of it or what?

was he even attracted to me at all or was it just because the opportunity presented itself?

how can you talk to someone so much and have the same sense of humor and maybe used to be attracted to them and NEVER think of them that way? i dont get him.

[Mary3]

so

i thought i had really gotten over this guy, because he got a new girlfriend (who, ironically enough, was his best friends ex and also his ex's best friend, wrap your mind around that one) and i felt like we were just friends and he wasnt even attractive to me anymore.

but now we've started talking every night online, and it is making me fall for him harder than the first time. we just have the same sense of humor, and everything he says makes me laugh. i can really be myself around him and he can really be himself around me. its just easy and never awkward or difficult.

but he also talks to me about how much he likes his girlfriend. he really wants me to approve of her and he told me that "from everything ive told her about you, she thinks she would really like you. she appreciates wit..."

i just dont understand why hes not madly in love with me.

and when he kissed me, was it just for the hell of it or what?

was he even attracted to me at all or was it just because the opportunity presented itself?

how can you talk to someone so much and have the same sense of humor and maybe used to be attracted to them and NEVER think of them that way? i dont get him.

 

LOOK : Is he kissing you tonite ? Or kissing her ?

Accept that he is not there for you romantically. How much more time do you want to give this ? He is asking you about HER . He sees you as a great buddy . Is that enough for you ?

[LN99]

Did you ever talk to him about what happened that night? Or was it so awkward that you BOTH totally ignored it and just went on being friends?

 

Sounds to me like he must have thought that you weren't into him like that or maybe it was just too awkward for HIM. So, he moved on. Now he's asking you what you think of his new gf etc. Could be trying to gauge to see if your jealous.....but more then likely he views you as a friend and thats just how it is.

 

I think if you had any opportunity...it was when he was single. He has a gf now.....so keep that in mind.

[Realness]

If theres no click give it a flick..also Don't be a sucker for the rebound