Accused of cheating in the past

[witchbreed]

My bf and I are now togehter since 1 1/2 years. When we met I was still married, my x-husband being away since 3 months for work reasons. We started dating before I officially split from my ex, I told my ex, the first time we saw each other face to face that I wanted to split because of having fallen in love with my bf. That was after having seen my bf for a bit over a month.

 

The time I split I spent a two week vacation with my kids - and initially my ex (he left on the day I told him) - in my parents home town, a ski-ressort. Anyway my bf was away at his parents at the time too. We both live in Germany, his family is in the UK and mine in Switzerland. So we could only phone each other.

 

In the evenings - after putting the kids to bed - I went down to the bar in the hotel. Got along great with the barmaid and barman, and since my bf hadent put on any pressure about me leaving my husband - I did feel insecure about my decision, not about leaving my ex, I couldnt fall in love if the relationsship was still good - but about my bf love for me. So I couldnt stand being on my own and socialised. One night there was a life-band in the bar and the barmaid and I danced. Since in young years I had done some jazz-dance classes I was in my element. Anyway I did dance the other night too and later got to talk with a guy, who was on his own with three kids skiing too. Nothing romantic or anything, just a good chat - some things in common like the kids, the hassle to care for them on your own in a vacation and so on. I know that guys first name, but have no idea where he exactly comes from - besides him being German and by the accent somewhere from southern Germany or what he does for a job.

 

Anyway I did tell my bf this. And he is - when he feels low anyway - convinced that I am telling lies about this and that something happened or that I at the very least danced specially for this guy and fantasised about him. So once in a while we have a row about this and a couple other incidents. In the beginning, when I still felt unsure about his feelings (no blame on him there, I never before trusted anybody in really loving me) I sometimes flirted, just to get myself reassured that I am desirable. Nothing ever happened though and I never wanted anything to happen. I know this was wrong, it was acting out insecurities instead of talking about them. Anyway we did resolve this and I have no more need of acting out. The only problem is, occasionally when he feels low or insecure he brings all this up and he just cannot believe that my flirting was only a means to know that I am desirable and that there was no desire, physical attraction or sexual fantasies about other men ever involved in this. And thats the point he just cant believe and then I get accused of lying. Which I am not - but how to proof whats going on inside your own head.

 

Most of the time, we are very, very happy though and we both love each other. It does scare us too sometimes, because both of us, have never been that deeply loving (we are both around 40) and therefore the thought of loosing the other one (and at least through death one of us will loose the other), drives both of us scared to hell.

 

To let him know the truth I have suggested a lie-dector or hypnosis, which he doesnt want. He is scared that his fantasies might be proofed true and that he then would have to take a consuquence like splitting which he does not want to do. I know there is no danger like that. Any suggestions?