Should i make holiday, b-day contact

[The write one]

My ex dumped me a little over three months ago, we had LC, even sex, since then. I call myself reconnected as a friend after ignoring her contact for a month. She's told me she loves me several times since our ending, but she's still confused and doesn't know what she wants. I just told her i'd wait for her and i'll always be there.

 

However, the way she flip flops, "i love you, i want you, but i don't want you and i'm not that attracted to you anymore," pisses me off, so i dissapeared again for another two weeks with NC. I got weak and sent her a poem and she came back asking could we get together one day for a walk in the park.

 

The way she framed it through pissed me off again, "I need a quiet place to study, could i come over blah blah blah," So i responded by telling her she would have to try harder than that is she wanted to chill with me.

 

So after asking if her sleep apnea was enough for out meeting, she called me (about a weeks ago (twice)). I answered once, but told her i'd call her back. I haven't and i don't think i will.

 

Even though i feel terrible about that, i just don't think it's best because she keeps leading me on. with kissing, sex, dates, hugging etc etc. And then when i make any type of query about "us" she makes it a piont to piont out there is no more "us."

 

I can't keep torturng myself like that. I tried to be just the friend, but she initiates the affection and she says the i love yous. I haven't heard from her since she called, and while i feel bad, i'm sticking to NC.

 

however, thanksgiving is here and i was wondering if i should at least wish her and her family a happy one. Or should i leave it alone. I still love her and want her as she was with me for 8 years and we were going to get married, but I don't want to give her my all if she is just straddling the fence.

 

Make contact or leave it alone...?

[pjammer]

You gotta go with your gut feeling. I dont think anyone can give you a concrete answer here. It's always nice to get a hello during holidays, and I am in the same situation. My g/f broke up with me about 6-7 weeks ago, and I have been in NC for about 3-4 weeks. I dont know whether or not to contact her, I probably wont. She should be the one to contact me. So each situation is different.

 

Do what your heart is telling you to do, but be prepared for whatever may come of it. That is what I am afraid of - that I will wish her a Happy Thanksgiving, and she wont even reply, and that will just get me even more upset. So just do what you feel is right in this situation...

[phoenix21]

Since we're in similar situations, I would have to say that I think you should stay with the NC. I know you want to be the nice person, but I think you should make it seem like she's not a part of your life anymore. You can't always be the one that's making the effort here.

 

I know it's hard because you've probably spent the last 8 Thanksgiving with her. I've spent the last 3 with my ex and it's hard. Last year it was just the two of us and we had a great Thanksgiving together. I know it hurts because I'm feeling the same thing.

 

I know Christmas is going to be even harder because you're probably thinking if you should get a gift for your ex. Or what if she gets me something and I didn't get her anything? What should I do then? I think that is something that I have to decide too. I thought about getting a gift just in case she gets me one, but how will you feel if you do get her something and expecting that she might drop off a gift, then she doesn't. That's going to hurt even more.

 

It's always going to be something. Anniversaries, Birthdays, Holidays, Valentines Day. These days will always trigger memories, we just have to deal with them. It's not easy for me to do it either, but we just have to remember and cherish the memories we had because they're in the past and we're not going to be able to relive them. We just have to make new memories in the future.

 

But if you must wish her happy holidays, maybe you can send a mass email to everyone you know and include her. That way, it's not like you're just wishing her happy holidays, but everyone you know. I know it's hard. Just hang in there.

[The write one]

It's was a mixed bag of emotions for me on Thanksgiving. Me and my ex had spent at least 6 of the last 8 thankgivings, Chistmas and News Years together. I traveled to my parents house for Thankgiving yesterday, expecting a call from her.

 

I already told myself i wouldn't call her because, i feel like i'm the victim here and all contact should be made by the offender. However, I didn't get a call from her. In addition, me and my ex had spent the first 4 years of our relationship in the state where my parents live (her parents too). It seemed like every inch of this place (i'm still here) brings back up old-bitter sweet memories of her with me. I even had to drive by our old high school where we first met. I so wanted to drive to her parents house to spend half the day. We used to do that on the holidays with each others folks.

 

It was just so wierd because I didn't make her and her father a plate at my house and put it off to the side. We didn't go to the movies or to the club that night to dance or laugh off the turkey either. I didn't even know where she was in the world for the holiday. I found myself not having anything to do later that night and all i kept thinking was she was with some family, friends or new lover having a blast and not thinking about me. Meanwhile, i walking around moping, not fully enjoying my time with my family that i haven't seen in months.

 

To add to all the of this, i brought my folks back the engagment ring that i gave her last December. They gave me the money for it to help me finnacially, becasue times have been hard since i had to move out of my ex's apt.

 

Everyone kept telling me i should be good now and i need to get over it. They also told me it was good that i hadn't contacted her nor she me for the holiday's. When midnight finally rolled around on Thanksgiving and i didn't get the call, i knew my deep desire to have her back would have to be hunted down and killed within my heart. IT IS TRULY OVER.

 

I already told myself that if i don't get the call, then she has gladly moved on and i'm not an important part of her life anymore. I wish i just would have gotten that message when she broke up with me huh?

 

It's funny though, because i see today that her little brother sent me a message through myspace telling me happy thanksgiving and take care of my self "brotha" Do you think that was really an attempted message through her? I try not to read into anthing too deep within the whole break up mess, but I'm sure you guys know that thats near impossible based on the whole confusion of how some of our relationships ended.

 

The rest of this funky season is going to be hard, but i'm doing strick NC, which may include ignoring any of her calls. I'm not going to respond to the brother either. Ba humbug!!!

[The write one]

Any takers, Just wanted t know whay someone who says thay wanted to be friends and all that BS wouldn't even say Happy freakin turkey day you piece of sh**.

 

I didn't call her either, bu hell, i got dumped after 8 years, i should be a little distant right? The holidays sux

[demilde]

For the non-americans what are holidays and thanksgiving? Just seen several mentions to it and don't know what they are, and why the importance.

[The write one]

Holidays: holly days (christian usually) i.e. Christmas

 

Thanksgiving, this is a funny one, when the states were first settled by anglosaxons, the "settlers" had no knowledge of how to work the land, nor hunting skills. Therefore, they all went hungry, Until the day the natives or indigenous people of the "The Americas" also refered to a Indians brought the pilgrims food, clothing etc.

 

Well that day was considered "Thanksgiving" becasue the pilgrims were thankful so to speak for the bounty, which included a big ass turkey. Ironically, once the settlers gained strength in health and numbers thay killed off most of the "Indians" and took their land and food. Till this day we all gather around the table with family and close friends to gorge ourselves on some of the very same foods that were provided to the settlers.

 

Gotta love us Yankees huh?

 

Even though, i have reservations, no pun intended, about the holiday, it means alot to me to hear from the poeple you love and care for on this day, i didn't here a thing from my ex.

[BannaBee57]

I feel you the write one.

 

My ex recently called to say he would like to be friends and all that bs. But, did he call to wish me and the family and happy Thanksgiving? No way. I thought about calling him but, just like you, I figured the dumper should be the one doing the contacting.

 

The only thing I console myself with (which probably isn't a good idea) is the fact that he never really cared much for Thanksgiving anyway and thought it was kind of a "lame holiday" in his words:) So, maybe he didn't even feel it warrented a call. I guess we'll see what Christmas brings around.

 

Take care!

[jerbear]

Sounds like a FWB to me if you continue. FWB with one developing feelings is not something either want to be in.

 

Make the contact only if you can remove the feelings in the FWB. Don't make contact if you can't deal with knowing that she moved on.

 

IMO, move on and forget about her, she lost interests in you.

 

FWB as in Friends With Benefits.