Friend mad?

[Bill]

I posted before about the girl that I met. The first date was great, we talked for a long time just sitting there looking at each other. Later on her friend came over and we all went to the mall for a while. After the first date, her friends were notifying me of how much she liked me, and when I was going to ask her out again. They were asking if I was going to "go steady" with her.

 

Even the girl's cousin contacted me to give me his approval to date her. He was telling me that she called him after the date to tell him how much she liked me.

 

Well, on the second date, her and her friend came with me to my house. She wanted to bring her friend (I assume for safety). Well, we spent a while there, and I saw her for maybe a hour out of that time strictly alone. There I asked her if she would be my girlfriend, which she smiled and replied "yes, of course". It was a great moment.

 

I really like this girl. There of course is the issue that she does not eat much by herself. I think I may be able to handle that one though, since I have in the past.

 

Now to the point: Tomorrow she is coming over and asked if she should bring her friend. I told her that she can come alone if she is ok with that. She agreed and everything was fine.

 

Her friend was asking her about tomorrow and she said she was coming to see me alone. Her friend didn't like this because she wanted to come. Well... I really don't want her friend mad at her, but I want to see her alone. It's like me bringing my friend on every date...

 

I told her I would talk to her friend, since her friend and I have talked before. What kinds of things should I say to explain that I want to see my new girlfriend alone?

 

Thanks In Advance,

Bill

[clia]

You do realize that you can date someone without her being your girlfriend immediately? It seems a little off to me that you asked her to be your girlfriend after only two dates, one of which her friend was on. But hey, to each his own.

 

You've only had two dates! You hardly know her! She hardly knows you! So what if you've talked to her friend before? Isn't this the girl you just met online about a week ago? Why should you be the one to explain to her friend that the two of you want to have a date alone together? Isn't she an adult? Can't she tell her friend that she wants to see you alone? Why are you getting in the middle of it? It's her friend. It should be her situation to deal with. This seems very weird to me. But that's just me. (And why are all these people calling you early on to find out what is going on? How did they get your phone number? I'd be weirded out. It seems slightly immature. But that's just me.)

 

Are you sure she is comfortable being alone with you already and isn't using the friend thing as an excuse?

[Tony T]

It's not your place to talk to her friend. Your new girlfriend should talk to this obviously very immature and childish girlfriend of hers and tell her to butt out.

 

Your new girlfriend's friend can stay home and play with her toys or computer games.

 

This is such a wild situation. But you need to keep your dignity by staying as far out of it as you can. This friend is totally weird.

 

Don't worry about pissing people off. You don't have that power. People piss themselves off. If this girl gets upset because you and your girlfriend want to be alone on a date, she can go see a psychologist or other type of counsellor to get some relief from her pain.

[Bill]

clia: a relationship for me is very different than your standard relationship. In fact, no one on here, or anyone that i've ever met treats a relationship like I do. How I go about things, or how things turn out are a direct consequence of my actions.

 

Like all of her friends contacting me. (by internet.. not phone).

Our date wasn't even close to the standard date, but that goes into a lot of detail to explain why it wasn't.

 

Tony: To find a more "serious" problem is like saying my problems are not important. This is what is going on, and this is what needs to be solved.

 

Possibly I have more of a problem of feeling better to spill out my ideas to someone. If my friend was online, they would have heard all of this. Even though I have answers, I, for some reason, will still ask the question. I guess it's sort of a emotional pick-me-up.

 

It is quite possible that I should not have asked for help, and should only try to give help. It is better to give than receive. What goes around comes around.

 

I am sorry for posting about this and I should not have. The "issue" at hand was probably not enough to warrant a post.

 

I take relationships incredibly serious. And for someone to tell me that it's not right to be girlfriend and boyfriend by the second date... well, that's not normally how it goes. This girl and I connected very well. From the outside we seemed very different, but when we got to talking, we realized how similar we are. We have so many weird similarities that it's actually a good thing.

 

I think extremely logical. If you love someone at one point... love doesn't go away, or love doesn't fade. Why do some people break up, or cheat on someone, it's just not right.

 

If both parties treat each other well, and they love each other.... And yes, I am saying that I Love this girl already. Don't ask me how, and no this hasn't happened before. I'm quite aware what love is, and I know it's here. ... but to the point... If both parties love each other why should they ever leave each other?

 

I'd never leave a girl (unless she cheated on me). I just never leave anyone. This girl right now is very important to me. I will treat her very well, and she knows this already.

 

There's too many people that do illogical things in relationships, it's just stupid. If it's not logical, I won't understand why it happened, how it happened, or why it will happen.

 

This is my view, and this will always be my view.

[Bill]

I guess what I ask for help, my life is so much different in how I think than anyone else. I can't express my problems to people that are not like me in order for them to repond to them to my question correctly.

 

It's like the whole secret message syndrome. If you whisper something in someone's ear, and they whisper that message to someone else, and that someone else messages it to someone else, eventually the message will change.

 

In my case, the message changes from me saying it to you reading it. It's not anyone's fault though, it's just because I'm so different from everyone. My problems may sound common, but the problem is not relayed in it's entirety.

 

If there was a way for someone to read my thoughts, there would be no answer that they can give, because my thoughts are so mixed up. It's kind of like a puzzle that I have to solve before even thinking.

 

It's my fault for asking the question, in which I knew that I was going to get answers that were not really directed too much to the question at hand because I can't explain myself clearly.

 

I'm also wayyyyyyyyyyy too judgemental on people. If someone has one thing wrong with them, I'll look at them as bad, sometimes even if I had the same thing wrong with me. I'm learning to try to understand why people do certain things, like drink, or try drugs or something.

 

Communication is the key, but if the data is encrypted, there is not a clear message relayed.

 

I'm sorry for the trouble I have caused.

[Bill]

Sleep might help. Good night! I'm not all here when I'm tired.

[Tony T]

You haven't caused any problems but I think a good night's sleep is a great idea.

 

I thought my post above addressed the specific issues in your post. If you feel you're having a difficult time communicating, take more time to form your posts...get your thoughts together...read them a few times before posting...and, by all means, put your posts together when you've had a good night's rest.

 

While we're talking about communication, I've been posting advice here for a while and many, many people have problems forming a good post. To get good answers, a post has to be as complete as possible. I can't begin to tell you how many people have returned to the message board to add important details which changed their entire situation...after I have given them my two cents.

 

You are not alone.

[clia]

And of course, when you post on the Internet, you run the risk of hearing different opinions than what you might want to hear.

 

I don't think there is a such thing as a standard relationship. I think relationships tend to run the gamut. You are not unique--many people think they fall in love immediately. Then later on they realize that the person was not who they thought they were. (I seem to recall that you have an experience with this?)

 

I also didn't say it wasn't right for you to be bf/gf so soon. I just said it seemed a bit off TO ME. That's my opinion. To me, doing that seems illogical. But to you, it's perfectly logical. Different opinions. And FYI, how a relationship turns out is a direct result of both people's actions. A relationship is a two way street. You can only control so much. People love each other and leave all the time. Sh** happens.

 

I just remember when you were having your previous problems with that other girl this year. You did the same thing. You fell in "love" immediately, and then were becoming a middleman between her and her ex, when it was her situation to deal with. That didn't work out for you. You were extremely hurt.

 

Are you repeating the same cycle?

 

Did you learn anything from that experience?

 

We are posting things here trying to help you. You asked last week (or around there) how to avoid getting hurt. You run a huge risk of getting hurt when you dive in headfirst with every girl you like. It's saves some heartache and trouble when you take things a little slower and get to know people before making them your "significant other."

 

Anyway, just yapping...

[velvet]

What is it about her that made you decide to have a r/s with her?

She was just the right girl at the right place and time? I believe that can happen. I don't think its whats called falling in love. If you tell yourself that your falling in love this quick than brace yourself for hard landing.

 

I've met men and thought I could see this person and nobody else. Than it would turn out that it didn't last because after getting to know each other better you realize your not compatible.

 

You shocked me and everyone else here after telling us you asked her to be your g/f after the second date. Its not normal for us or at least me.

 

So take her slow! Don't move fast. Your still very young and in a few years you will look back and feel like a decade of life has gone by with many experiences. This just being one of them.

[Bill]

Well after tonight of seeing her...

 

I do realize where this is all going.

 

This topic is over, she's definately staying with me!