Cold Feet because of his family

[Guest]

I found out last fall that my bf's family don't like me at all, for unfounded reasons.

 

In the spring I proposed to him and he said no, simply because he knew his family would disapprove.

 

I waited a while and mentioned the subject again some months later and this time he said yes. He told his folks the news and they made it clear they were not happy and disapproved.

 

Since the announcement lots of angry phone calls and e-Mails have been sent between him and his folks and it has upset me and my family who have been great.

 

Every time someone asks him about our engagement and wedding, he is really quiet about it as he doesn't want his family to know he has talked about it positively.

 

His folks have refused to meet or talk to my folks and they have always been downright rude. Recently the situation got so bad that he begged his folks to meet mine and it went OK but there is still a lot of tension.

 

We had booked and payed for our wedding for the spring 2007 but his parents made us cancel it all, saying they would not attend or speak to him again if he went ahead with it. All my friends and some of my family kept telling me it's wrong his folks make him choose between our relationship and them, but he went ahead and chose to obey his folks. Since then I have kinda been a bit bitter about his decision. I have talked to him about this and our relationship has not really been the same since, to me.

 

He and his folks have agreed a wedding for spring 2008 and it just seems so far away and not what we both wanted and I think I am getting cold feet. Sure, sometimes you've gotta please other people, but what other decisions will his folks dictate and influence in the future? I'm scared that every Thanksgiving, Christmas and other occasion will be miserable as his folks are such strange and negative people. I always saw my future full of love with a warm extended family.

 

Because our wedding has been used as a chess pawn I'm almost disinterested in it now, like it's a formality. I have to constantly remind myself why I'm with him still (we cohabitate) but sometimes I just don't know.

 

Any thoughts would be welcome.

 

Thanks y'all.

[tikigods]

to be blunt, you will more then likely never marry this guy, and chances are his family is just going to keep ripping you both apart till the day that he leaves you. Honestly I think that this family is far more drama then they are worth and if he is willing to cave for them on this then what else will he cave on? You need to be with someone that is strong sense of themselves and a faimly that likes you. The reason why they settled on something so far away is more then likely so they can make sure it never happens.

 

I think you need to find someone new :/

[Grrlish]

Every time someone asks him about our engagement and wedding, he is really quiet about it as he doesn't want his family to know he has talked about it positively.

 

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to marry someone who didn't feel like shouting from the rooftops about it.

 

I also wouldn't want to marry someone who was going to let his family influence his (and OUR) life like this.

 

Because our wedding has been used as a chess pawn I'm almost disinterested in it now, like it's a formality. I have to constantly remind myself why I'm with him still (we cohabitate) but sometimes I just don't know.

 

Hon, if this is how you feel, and if you no longer feel like shouting from the rooftops about it, then please reconsider. If you have to remind yourself why you're with him, that's terrible...for you AND for him. Honestly, how would you feel if you knew that he felt this way about you?

 

If I knew that my boyfriend felt that way about me, I'd rather that he leave me...and I would certainly leave him if I knew he felt that way.

 

 

You haven't said why his family is so against the marriage. Maybe it matters as far as getting advice, maybe it doesn't..?

[IpAncA]

Sad to say that if his parents don't like you now and they stick to what they say then they could cause a lot of problems if you let them.

 

It's obvious that he cares what his family thinks and if you both can't get passed that then you both should not get married.

 

I don't know how old you are but you both sound like your really young. I got married when I was 23 and my H was about 28 and yeah that was young but I was on my own and I did what I wanted and it wasn't my parents decision who I married. My H felt the same way too about his parents and we got married because we wanted too. Not because others did or didn't want us too.

 

Why does his parents not want you and him to get married???