challenge to the othr woman

[pricillia]

I have to ask what the heck is the difference between MM cheating on wife and boyfriend cheating on GF...

 

Is this not a fact that there are many men that lie and cheat. To put a hickey on ones... is just insain...

 

Isn't womans intuition enough?

[silktricks]

I have to ask what the heck is the difference between MM cheating on wife and boyfriend cheating on GF...

 

It's only a matter of degree, there's no real difference in kind.

[pricillia]

Even though I am in said situation... hickies not included...

 

I think that AC is right... we should take up his challenge instead!

[Romeo Must Die]

If you want to know the truth, this challenge is inappropriate on either forum and no_forgiveness, your thinking is in the garbage can & anyone who participates in this ameturish purile behavior (putting hickeys on a MM) is a disturbed lunatic and you need drugs. counselling or something jmho.

 

[NearlyThere]

all this talk about whether the MM is having sex with his OW or not and if he is or isnt lying about it, I have already written twice why I believe it is in some cases perfectly feasable for this to be true, ie that no sex happens, i'm not going to go thru them again, those who are interested can probably find them. However if logic, reason and evidence are not enough for some people I will take it further. I dont mind if the MM I'm seeing does go home and have sex with his wife, in some ways that is really not my concern. But I would NOT do anything that could put his marriage in jeopardy, which is what this post is suggesting you do, because as previously written, partners do see each other naked.

 

To be honest I would be more worried if I was a partner & I thought my SO was having an A and I was still having sex with the SO, in my mind that would mean the A was more serious and nothing to do with them just having sexual needs. Physical needs can be easily provided, Emotional ties and bonds are difficult to sever once established. JIMO.

[Trialbyfire]

I think this challenge is to OW who believe the MM's lies about a non-physical relationship with their wives. I think it's a good challenge because it rips the veil wide open for both the OW and the BW.

 

I'm the type of person who wants...no...needs to know although I would guess there are enough out there that don't want to know.

[puddleofmud]

If you want to know the truth, this challenge is inappropriate on either forum and no_forgiveness, your thinking is in the garbage can & anyone who participates in this ameturish purile behavior (putting hickeys on a MM) is a disturbed lunatic and you need drugs. counselling or something jmho.

 

 

Huh? I didn't take it that way, but sorry if you feel that way.

I just took it as mere "girl talk" as in off the cuff MUCH NEEDED humor and she already stated this was what is was about.

I have yet to see where any of her posts are brash, unkind or irrational as a whole.

This was nothing but satire about which I laughed my behind off!

Speaking of, I am thinking of getting a tatoo which says something like

"if your down here you better stay here" or "these legs will grow shut if you lie to me" or better yet "these legs will strangle you if you lie".

or how about one accross my forehead that says "NO MARRIED MEN ALLOWED"?

Any other ideas? Just for fun...

[BenThereDunThat]

Huh? I didn't take it that way, but sorry if you feel that way.

I just took it as mere "girl talk" as in off the cuff MUCH NEEDED humor and she already stated this was what is was about.

I have yet to see where any of her posts are brash, unkind or irrational as a whole.

This was nothing but satire about which I laughed my behind off!

Speaking of, I am thinking of getting a tatoo which says something like

"if your down here you better stay here" or "these legs will grow shut if you lie to me" or better yet "these legs will strangle you if you lie".

or how about one accross my forehead that says "NO MARRIED MEN ALLOWED"?

Any other ideas? Just for fun...

 

:lmao: :lmao:

 

Crack me UP!!!

[NearlyThere]

I certainly did not see any humour or sense of fun in this post. At best bad taste.

 

As for it being satire, funnily enough I was thinking about this word earlier today, so I thought I would look it up and find out its meaning.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satire

 

"In fact, the primary purpose of satire is not humour as such – but social or political criticism. The target may be a person, an idea or attitude, an institution or a social practice: in any case it is held up to merciless ridicule, ideally in the hope of shaming it into reform."

[puddleofmud]

"In fact, the primary purpose of satire is not humour as such – but social or political criticism. The target may be a person, an idea or attitude, an institution or a social practice: in any case it is held up to merciless ridicule, ideally in the hope of shaming it into reform."

 

Which is why I used the word. The post was indeed a critique about attitudes and social practices inviting the same.

Satire is broad based and merciless which is why I tend to like it as a form of expression. One has room for one's own interpretation as to reformation and that IS FUN because it is enlightening.

[noforgiveness]

thank you puddleofmud. This really could have been a fun thread discussing some intersting shapes and locations. oh and of course reporting back with the mans reaction to his branding.

[frannie]

This just isn't funny. This is a board FOR OW and OM who are (for the most part) in difficult situations, trying to get through.

 

I think if it had been an OW talking about her MM and what she was (jokingly) thinking of doing, fair enough. It might be in poor taste, but gallows humour often helps a situation.

 

When it's started by someone talking about 'YOU OW' and trust issues I (personally) think that's an entirely different matter. OW who are hurting and trying to make sense of a situation don't need this.

 

Imagine how 'funny' it would be if an OW posted in Infidelity suggesting that BS's did a similar thing to their WS.

[noforgiveness]

This just isn't funny. This is a board FOR OW and OM who are (for the most part) in difficult situations, trying to get through.

 

I think if it had been an OW talking about her MM and what she was (jokingly) thinking of doing, fair enough. It might be in poor taste, but gallows humour often helps a situation.

 

When it's started by someone talking about 'YOU OW' and trust issues I (personally) think that's an entirely different matter. OW who are hurting and trying to make sense of a situation don't need this.

 

Imagine how 'funny' it would be if an OW posted in Infidelity suggesting that BS's did a similar thing to their WS.

 

Ummm don't need what exactly?? Being suggested to give their man a hickey near his private area?? Where is the offense to that? It certainly is something i would jokingly suggest to a girlfriend in a situation like this.

 

Is it the reality that ust maybe the MM is having sex with someone else that is bothering you because ummmm he's married and you know that already.

[Romeo Must Die]

It's meant as a joke but what is the advantage, to hurt her through her own husband?

 

[pricillia]

Yes I do think that this would be a form of revenge in a sense, and if you have a off the cuff sense of humor then yes it would be funny.

but to do something funny that is with bad intentions in mind is something that we should not do.

 

I really think that if you truly love a person then you should not go to an extreme such as that to find out what you need to find out.

 

Rationally MM is after all married and he is in most cases still being intimate with his wife. But there are some cases that MM no is not having relations with his wife.

 

Personally in my life my parents were divorced, they fought all the time, when they got divorced I was releaved.

 

My father remarried until he passed and my mother had a 20 yr live in relationship with her boyfriend. It was not right before she died that I knew how unhappy she was, she told me that she had not been intimate with him for about 15 years.

 

She was not with anyone else either. Having intimacy and down right hot steamy sex is a important part of any relationship.

 

I wish for her that she had the love and intamacy that she deserved, and not the ladder.

 

My point is, you need to take everyone on an individual basis and as tempting as it is try not to plot and plan your way into distruction.

[FlyingHigh]

This is so true. And that is why I couldn't handle being the OW when I found out he was married. I just can't be part of a triangle. It just isn't me.

 

Exclusivity is paramount to my relationship with a man. Which is why I was an absolutely horrible OW.

 

He picked the wrong girl to mess around with. I don't play that game.

 

And I never will.

You're one of the few OW who has her head screwed on right.

 

It all comes down to self respect and dignity.

[frannie]

Ummm don't need what exactly?? Being suggested to give their man a hickey near his private area?? Where is the offense to that? It certainly is something i would jokingly suggest to a girlfriend in a situation like this.

 

Is it the reality that ust maybe the MM is having sex with someone else that is bothering you because ummmm he's married and you know that already.

 

They don't need a joke made of what might be a very sensitive situation for them is what they don't need. I don't say it's 'offensive' but insensitive.

 

The reality that my MM may be having sex with his wife doesn't bother me at all. I don't think he is. I don't worry about it any more than I would if he was staying over in a hotel with his (female) boss, which he is in a few days. Any man may be lying and having sex with any woman, and vice versa. That's just a fact of life.

 

But then, when I was talking about insensitivity (and mainly double standards) I wasn't talking about me. I'm not one who is struggling with a difficult emotional situation at the moment.

[Chapter2]

IMHO, it was a joke to cover an immense amount of pain. To think of such a strategy to prove fidelity can only mean, IMO, that a person must be dying inside and trying to cover it with humor, albeit tactless and juvenile, IMO.

[noforgiveness]

They don't need a joke made of what might be a very sensitive situation for them is what they don't need. I don't say it's 'offensive' but insensitive.

 

The reality that my MM may be having sex with his wife doesn't bother me at all. I don't think he is. I don't worry about it any more than I would if he was staying over in a hotel with his (female) boss, which he is in a few days. Any man may be lying and having sex with any woman, and vice versa. That's just a fact of life.

 

But then, when I was talking about insensitivity (and mainly double standards) I wasn't talking about me. I'm not one who is struggling with a difficult emotional situation at the moment.

 

You're not?? wow so having sex with a married man does not play havoc on your emotions? I find that hard to believe and if it is true then you have zero conscious whatsoever.

 

Hey if you have no problem sharing a man then that's your business. half of someones love i'm sure is better then none at all.

[suchislife]

IMHO, if someone has multiple sex partners the feelings they have for any of them only go so deep. It just seems a bit shallow to me.

 

If people are ok with that, fine. I wouldn't be. Don't people worry about STDs?

 

I took the whole hickey thing in stride. Wasn't it a joke?

 

I understand the struggling and pain that go with caring about someone, but really, wouldn't it be better to have someone in your life who is complete?

 

How can you be complete if your life is torn in two - between your wife and your lover?, or between your husband and lover? Or, being the OW.

 

I'm not pointing fingers - I haven't been in that situation - but for anyone I would want them to have a fulfilling, rich life, and just think, if a person is unhappy with an entanglement, if you walked away, how much easier would your life be?

 

Shouldn't everyone be responsible for the quality of their own lives?

 

The only reason I responded at all to this is because I don't like to see people beating each other up. We all have opinions and you have to take the bad with the good. Just sort out what makes sense to you, right?

 

Best of luck to everyone. My own life isn't perfect, which is why I'm here, and I truly do not mean to upset anyone. The only person who really knows what is going on is you. What you put in, is what you will get out.

 

If you read my posts you'll see that I'm just going to work on myself and the rest will come.

 

I have my opinions, but I try not to judge too much. What you do is who you are, though.

 

Good luck to all.

[noforgiveness]

IMHO, it was a joke to cover an immense amount of pain. To think of such a strategy to prove fidelity can only mean, IMO, that a person must be dying inside and trying to cover it with humor, albeit tactless and juvenile, IMO.

 

 

so not true. I have everything you don't a great marriage of 18 years and two amazing kids. A REAL COMMITMENT.

and yes i came to this website in pain and could not feel any better now. My husband has been amazing. He could not be more attentive. He snapped right out of it when he saw his friendship was hurting me. She's history. Poor woman is not only history from him but to our whole entire group of mutual friends. Must be pretty lonely but i have a STRONG belief in karma. What woman would WANT to be friends with someone who chases married men? My friends certainly wouldn't and they are keeping their men far away from her.

 

One thing i have brought from this is more independence. Something i wasn't use to after being married for 18 years. Never thought i would travel to another country without my husband. Never thought i would tell him see ya going off to another country with friends while you watch kids.

 

So do not try to paint me as some poor sad person in pain. YOU are the one in pain who lost the love of your life not me. You are the one constantly lashing out at me because i represent the WIFE your obstacle.

 

Oh and KARMA is a wonderful thing.

[suchislife]

Yes, I agree. Karma is a wonderful thing.

[frannie]

You're not?? wow so having sex with a married man does not play havoc on your emotions? I find that hard to believe and if it is true then you have zero conscious whatsoever.

 

Hey if you have no problem sharing a man then that's your business. half of someones love i'm sure is better then none at all.

 

I didn't say I had no problem sharing a man. Of course there are problems, but no, they don't overwhelm me. I don't feel the need to be in charge of his time and the centre of his attention 24/7. Like any human he has a range of responsibilities, and even if he were divorced, there would still be family ties and children to attend to. That is just life, and as adults that is something we deal with.

 

He doesn't share his romantic love between me AND his wife. Their relationship in that sense is over. You may choose to believe that or not, but frankly it's not your business, but mine

 

Similarly, my conscience is my own affair, and obviously my moral decisions simply don't agree with yours. Again, that's life.

[Chapter2]

Well you sure sound and seem happy. Good for you NF!! As far as your interpretation of me...you are completely dillusional. That suits me fine though. God help me if your approval is what kept me afloat.

 

so not true. I have everything you don't a great marriage of 18 years and two amazing kids. A REAL COMMITMENT.

and yes i came to this website in pain and could not feel any better now. My husband has been amazing. He could not be more attentive. He snapped right out of it when he saw his friendship was hurting me. She's history. Poor woman is not only history from him but to our whole entire group of mutual friends. Must be pretty lonely but i have a STRONG belief in karma. What woman would WANT to be friends with someone who chases married men? My friends certainly wouldn't and they are keeping their men far away from her.

 

One thing i have brought from this is more independence. Something i wasn't use to after being married for 18 years. Never thought i would travel to another country without my husband. Never thought i would tell him see ya going off to another country with friends while you watch kids.

 

So do not try to paint me as some poor sad person in pain. YOU are the one in pain who lost the love of your life not me. You are the one constantly lashing out at me because i represent the WIFE your obstacle.

 

Oh and KARMA is a wonderful thing.

[frannie]

so not true. I have everything you don't a great marriage of 18 years and two amazing kids. A REAL COMMITMENT.

and yes i came to this website in pain and could not feel any better now. My husband has been amazing. He could not be more attentive. He snapped right out of it when he saw his friendship was hurting me. She's history. Poor woman is not only history from him but to our whole entire group of mutual friends. Must be pretty lonely but i have a STRONG belief in karma. What woman would WANT to be friends with someone who chases married men? My friends certainly wouldn't and they are keeping their men far away from her.

 

One thing i have brought from this is more independence. Something i wasn't use to after being married for 18 years. Never thought i would travel to another country without my husband. Never thought i would tell him see ya going off to another country with friends while you watch kids.

 

So do not try to paint me as some poor sad person in pain. YOU are the one in pain who lost the love of your life not me. You are the one constantly lashing out at me because i represent the WIFE your obstacle.

 

Oh and KARMA is a wonderful thing.

 

I don't know what the back story is on your arguments, so I'm keeping well out of that.

 

But it always makes me chuckle when people invoke karma like it's something that doesn't apply to them. We all have lessons to learn in life. I would have thought that karma would engender humility in people, but it's funny how it's almost always those with the most extreme views of what's right and wrong and who glory in the destruction of others who may have gone astray who love to invoke it.

 

Here's another: pride comes before a fall. And that's invoking hubris