herenow Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 What I find most amazing is how many OW really believe that a man who cheats on his wife will be truthful to them. Unless he has an open marriage and his wife has given him the go ahead to have sex with OW, he is a proven liar. Unless the OW knows the wife and has spoken to her about the affair, all the OW knows is what the MM tells her. Affairs themselves are secretive and based on lies. I have read many stories here where the OW asks "how could he lie to me?" He lies to the OW the same way he lies to his wife, his family and HIMSELF. Bottom line, you don't need a test to prove he is lying, you already know that he is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author noforgiveness Posted November 29, 2006 Author Share Posted November 29, 2006 Not all wives know. My man's wife had no clue! You're proud of that? you're proud of being the little secret hidden away? You actuall think it's cute or funny that you have pulled this little game off on the wife? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 I am perplexed that OW are always told that they are always a secret...that is not always true...I didn't know my MM was married and I was introduced to his coworkers and friends before I knew and even now...A's are not always "secrets"...and sometimes W's don't want to know...but they are not the ones who are here posting on LS... Link to post Share on other sites
Author noforgiveness Posted November 29, 2006 Author Share Posted November 29, 2006 I am perplexed that OW are always told that they are always a secret...that is not always true...I didn't know my MM was married and I was introduced to his coworkers and friends before I knew and even now...A's are not always "secrets"...and sometimes W's don't want to know...but they are not the ones who are here posting on LS... Hmmm you were introduced? were you introduced as a friend or his MISTRESS? Does his wife know about you? his mother? Link to post Share on other sites
peacelove Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 You're proud of that? you're proud of being the little secret hidden away? You actuall think it's cute or funny that you have pulled this little game off on the wife? ByMYRules, that was rude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 Hmmm you were introduced? were you introduced as a friend or his MISTRESS? Does his wife know about you? his mother? I was introduced as his girlfriend as we were dating and I thought that he was divorced at the time...although he still introduces me as such now...I will not talk for his W as I don't know what she knows...as for his family, I am not going to give out too much information just for the sake that this is a public forum and I don't think it's prudent; besides it's his family and I don't feel it's my place to give out that information... You seem to assume alot about OW...you would have better luck here getting the answers you hope to find if you didn't phrase your questions so rudely or as a personal attack...IMO Link to post Share on other sites
Author noforgiveness Posted November 29, 2006 Author Share Posted November 29, 2006 I was introduced as his girlfriend as we were dating and I thought that he was divorced at the time...although he still introduces me as such now...I will not talk for his W as I don't know what she knows...as for his family, I am not going to give out too much information just for the sake that this is a public forum and I don't think it's prudent; besides it's his family and I don't feel it's my place to give out that information... You seem to assume alot about OW...you would have better luck here getting the answers you hope to find if you didn't phrase your questions so rudely or as a personal attack...IMO curious how exactly was my question a personal attack? you are his mistress are you not? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 curious how exactly was my question a personal attack? you are his mistress are you not? I don't think that you are questioning whether the attack is personal or not, it is apparent that it is, as the question was worded sarcastically at me without being worded as a means to a discussion at all...my post was to address the fact that A's are not always a secret, as you would like to believe...And it is your type of posts that will not promote any type of understanding between the two sides, but instead serve as a wedge inbetween... Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 I don't think that you are questioning whether the attack is personal or not, it is apparent that it is, as the question was worded sarcastically at me without being worded as a means to a discussion at all...my post was to address the fact that A's are not always a secret, as you would like to believe...And it is your type of posts that will not promote any type of understanding between the two sides, but instead serve as a wedge inbetween... GEL, I'm not saying this to attack you, but if everyone knows about your situation with the MM and his wife has not done anything about it, then I wouldn't say you are in an affair, you are in a three way relationship with a cakeman. The only way you wouldn't be a secret is if he told his wife about you and if she is still married to him knowing that he has a OW, she is now a willing part of the triangle. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 GEL, I'm not saying this to attack you, but if everyone knows about your situation with the MM and his wife has not done anything about it, then I wouldn't say you are in an affair, you are in a three way relationship with a cakeman. The only way you wouldn't be a secret is if he told his wife about you and if she is still married to him knowing that he has a OW, she is now a willing part of the triangle. HN: I do not take what you say as an attack at all, but your opinion...and I thank you for it...however, I am not going to post my story as per the above stated reason, so don't make any assumptions other than what I have said...My situation is one that I have chosen to stay in, although I wasn't aware of the reality of it until some time in...I am not looking for anyone to condone it or anything, just here to share my thoughts with others in similar situations... And as I have not posted any thread asking what to do, I don't want any advice, thank you in advance... Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 I am perplexed that OW are always told that they are always a secret...that is not always true...I didn't know my MM was married and I was introduced to his coworkers and friends before I knew and even now...A's are not always "secrets"...and sometimes W's don't want to know...but they are not the ones who are here posting on LS... So, I read this post again. If I understand it, you are saying that you are not a secret to his friends and coworkers. I'm sure there are many affairs that go on where it's known to someone, but as long as it's a secret to anyone, it's still a secret. Especially if that anyone is his wife. And like I said before, if the wife knows and has no problem remaining married to him, then you are more part of an open marriage than an affair. I'm not sure what you mean by W's that don't want to know. If he is being honest with her and you are not a secret, he would just tell her. I can only guess that you are talking about women in denial of their husband's affairs. If his wife is in denial, he hasn't come right out and told her, so you are still a secret there is no way around that. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 HN: I do not take what you say as an attack at all, but your opinion...and I thank you for it...however, I am not going to post my story as per the above stated reason, so don't make any assumptions other than what I have said...My situation is one that I have chosen to stay in, although I wasn't aware of the reality of it until some time in...I am not looking for anyone to condone it or anything, just here to share my thoughts with others in similar situations... And as I have not posted any thread asking what to do, I don't want any advice, thank you in advance... Sorry, I was posting at the same time as you were. I'm not giving advice, and I do understand that you know best in your situation. Sharing is healthy and I will back off on the secrecy issue. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 Sorry, I was posting at the same time as you were. I'm not giving advice, and I do understand that you know best in your situation. Sharing is healthy and I will back off on the secrecy issue. No problem...you're always respectful and I appreciate your take on things... Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 With all the challenges going around, how about this one. I challenge everyone to learn from their mistakes and accept responsibility for your actions. Be it good or bad, the decisions you make are you own and if you are willing to deal with the consequences, then they are your own as well. Link to post Share on other sites
NearlyThere Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 .... is for people who post new topics/threads on here to either post 1. Sensible ones. 2. Relevant to the topic at hand and useful. 3. Criticism that is constructive and not vindictive. Link to post Share on other sites
justice Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 Either that or she just didn't care that you had the bum. You can lie, sneak and hide all you want to, wives do have this sense that tells them things like this. And yes, this was incredibly rude to the person who believed in her husband while all the time he and little bits like you were plotting, lying and sleeping together behind her back, even though she did know. My wish for you? One day that the same thing you did to the wife happens to you. There, now that was rude. And justified. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 Well, I guess so much for your challenge NT... Link to post Share on other sites
My_Other_I Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 Why should the OW test him? The relationship is based on betrayal to begin with, and the OW knows already that if he meant what he was saying he would be with her and her only. People will always believe in what they want to see, test or no test. OW can choose to trust, choose to not trust, as well as they can choose to stay or go. Link to post Share on other sites
puddleofmud Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 With all the challenges going around, how about this one. I challenge everyone to learn from their mistakes and accept responsibility for your actions. Be it good or bad, the decisions you make are you own and if you are willing to deal with the consequences, then they are your own as well. NO ONE can say they have not made a regretful mistake at some point in their lives! There but for the grace of whatever you believe does go yourself... NO ONE would be here unless they needed something so there is no need to be arrogant. Personally, I am very humbled by being here. We are so very blessed with technology that has given us new venues from where we may be safely within our own homes and yet reach out to others. If one should choose to abuse this gift than I am sorry that one just either doesn't "get it"or chooses to receive this gift as a tool to abuse. It is their loss.... Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 NO ONE can say they have not made a regretful mistake at some point in their lives! There but for the grace of whatever you believe does go yourself... NO ONE would be here unless they needed something so there is no need to be arrogant. Personally, I am very humbled by being here. We are so very blessed with technology that has given us new venues from where we may be safely within our own homes and yet reach out to others. If one should choose to abuse this gift than I am sorry that one just either doesn't "get it"or chooses to receive this gift as a tool to abuse. It is their loss.... Thank you for agreeing. Yes, everyone makes mistakes. We can choose to learn from them or continue making them. We can also learn from other people's mistakes and save ourselves the anguish that they go through. We can only make the choice for ourselves as to how we want to deal with the information we get here. Just because I believe in something, doesn't mean that anyone else has to. My views here are mine and if in some way my experience can help someone from making their own mistake, great. I'm healing and looking for answers just like everyone else who spends time here. If we were all perfect, we wouldn't be wasting our time on an internet forum. Link to post Share on other sites
Chapter2 Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 Thank you both for helping turn this thread around. Some of the stuff I read on LS makes me want to leave out of frustration and then other things, like this, make me want to stay. Thank you;) quote=puddleofmud;997545]NO ONE can say they have not made a regretful mistake at some point in their lives! There but for the grace of whatever you believe does go yourself... NO ONE would be here unless they needed something so there is no need to be arrogant. Personally, I am very humbled by being here. We are so very blessed with technology that has given us new venues from where we may be safely within our own homes and yet reach out to others. If one should choose to abuse this gift than I am sorry that one just either doesn't "get it"or chooses to receive this gift as a tool to abuse. It is their loss.... Thank you for agreeing. Yes, everyone makes mistakes. We can choose to learn from them or continue making them. We can also learn from other people's mistakes and save ourselves the anguish that they go through. We can only make the choice for ourselves as to how we want to deal with the information we get here. Just because I believe in something, doesn't mean that anyone else has to. My views here are mine and if in some way my experience can help someone from making their own mistake, great. I'm healing and looking for answers just like everyone else who spends time here. If we were all perfect, we wouldn't be wasting our time on an internet forum. Link to post Share on other sites
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