Do men...

[Interested]

I'm interested to know what other men feel about women and their past. I'm aware that everyone has a past, but if you keep bumping into them in the streets, malls, or what not...does it

make you wonder how many more you will encounter. Is this a bad topic to consume your brain in ?? Especially if she has told you that it wasn't like that, but later on confessed it was. We

live in a very liberal society and that's well observed, but any guys out there still find it hard to deal with this type of issue??

 

How do you get over it's affect on your mind and your current relationship with this woman who you get along with?? How does an emotionally sincere man try to move on without questioning his partner?? Where does this negative feeling come from within oneself?? Please answer...and help a guy who is trying to do good... thank you.

 

Interested

[Tony T]

A person's past, and I'm assuming you mean sexual past, is none of your business...except to the extent they may have acquired an STD which could affect you.

 

If someone was stupid and indiscrete enough to pour his/her guts out about everyone they've screwed and how many times, how many people they have had oral sex with, etc., they have shown a lack of class, intellect and a total void of knowledge about human nature and how this information could affect their current relationship.

 

I wouldn't be nearly as concerned about a person's past as I would about their stupidity in revealing it.

 

This is the stuff of soap operas. Except for the possible existence of disease, which can be detected through a current physical examination, a person's sexual past is of no consequence and is totally immaterial to their relationship with you. Human beings are sexual animals and sex is a private thing. If we are going to lower ourselves to the level of roaming animals, then I guess it's OK to pour our guts out and even show pictures of our previous sexual encounters. Most human beings like to keep their dignity and separate themselves from lower animal forms by keeping personal things private.

 

I like to think of human beings as more evolved. I like to think of encounters with the opposite sex as special and private. Even if it's just sport sex, people with class and people worthy of your time will hold this sacred and not discuss it openly.

 

Only you control your mind. If you want to continually think of your partner screwing other people, etc. then you may need counselling for obsessive thinking. You would be hard pressed to find many people who don't have past sexual experiences, often rather bizarre and numerous.

 

YOU are the one who elected to hear this information. Live with it. Was it any value to you??? No, it wasn't. All it did was screw up your mind. So why did you ask about it? If your partner just offered it to you, what was the objective there?

 

There are a lot of people who think you should just tell all about your past. And these are mostly the ones who can't handle it. They are waiting for the other person to tell them they are a virgin. When they hear the other person has been with 50 people, they go bonkers.

 

Don't explore the depths of the ocean if you can't handle shark attacks.

[Bill]

You only need to be concerned with someone's past relationships for a few reasons.

 

1. Biological reasons. Bacterial/Viral diseases.

 

2. It sometimes tells about her character. If she's been dating 10 guys in the last past 5 months... I don't think your chances are very high.

 

3. She might have been abused by another, and her actions might reflect on this.

 

You must know about someone's past to an extent. Talking about ex's is widely said to be a bad thing, however I believe it is needed to know what you're dealing with.

 

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine, so give your partner the respect they deserve. They may have done some stupid things in the past and really regret them, but you need to overlook them. We're only human; we make mistakes.

 

Do not shun someone because their past is dark, or because they have done something that you would not. If they realize the error in their ways, then forgive them. I understand there are very rare exceptions to this rule, but for the most part this is a solid rule.

 

You need to talk with this woman about her past, and she needs to hear your past. Maybe you have had similar experiences. There are some things about your past that if you tell her she might get upset, and vise-versa. There are some things that always left out of this conversation because they are too shocking.

 

Everyone has something to hide, it's just a matter of how long you can hide it. You can't move on without questioning her! You must talk with her, and she must know as much information about you as you are told about her. As long as you don't ask questions that will offend each other, it is ok. Make it known that you do not want to offend her, it is just something you are curious about.

 

Post Scriptum... Good Luck

 

Bill

[shy_chris]

hi there im in the same situaiton now knowing who and how many partenrs my g/f has had as well as how often where postion and other details like that. i have been with her for 2 1/2 years now but still in my mind re-occurs espcially in arguments where i hestaily call her a slapper..im 22 she is 19 i met her when she was 17 and already she had slept with 11 people... I hate going to her area where she lives as i have no idea who she has been with or who knows who she has been with...its a strange situation... I also feel let down in someways that i wasnt her first...In the back of my mind i have always wondered what it was like for her to lose her virginity and what it would have been likke with me....We are in a serious relationship and very loving to each other..although it hurts to think about this and what times i have missed out on with her....

 

If u fancy talking more then get in touch..also on msn messenger

[jimthzz]

Others say it is no business of your current man to know of your past relationships.

 

I disagree. One guy even points out that sports sex is fine.

 

The only concerns seem to be the obvious one about STD transmission.

 

The concern I would have in starting a relationship with a woman who has had a lot of sexual relationships is whether or not the bed-notching has ended. or if the way the bed-notching has been accomplished is to make each guy in the string of guys think they are the "one."

 

I think this is a reasonable thing to worry about.

 

And this goes both ways in the relationship, I might add.

 

I think out of the context of a highly religious conservative lifestyle, expecting absolute virginity in a woman is a bit much, epsecially if the guy is no virgin either.

 

But is it totally reasonable to know if your potential mate has slept with 2 guys, 10 guys, 50 guys, 100 guys, 1,000 guys...

 

It is also pertient if she's slept with other guys in your social group, or with yor brother, etc.

 

Past behavior is indicative of future behavior.

[velvet]

If you keep bumping into other people she has dated how do they react? Do they react positive and seem happy to say hello? Or do you usually see their upper lip rise slowly and a look of disbelief come across their face?

 

Watching and observing how they act around her you can get an idea of how well she is liked and respected. So to say If she talks dirt about her ex b/f than you know she will talk the same crap the day you no longer see her.

 

I have had the talks about what kind of r/s and sexual experiences a person has had. I have herd some big nasties or things that have made me uncomfortable. When a person is with you and only you and your feelings are growing for each other you just have to accept that of their past unconditionally.

 

What makes me curious is that you said you have been dating her for so long. Like 2 years? Yet she still keeps running into all these guys shes dated. When did she have time to date them?

[shy_chris]

Well i have been dating her for 2 & 1/2 years like i said she seen these guys b4 we met...

 

When i say "when im in her area im bound to bump into her past relations but i have no idea who they are- i know sum of there names but dont know what they look like my g/f has not really shown me these people..i have only ever seen 1 who was t person she done t most and speant a year with... i just felt like kickin the crap outta him...but i dont wont to jepardise my realtionship with her..

 

 

c

[Angel]

Assuming she has no STD's, her private past is just that--the PAST. X's ar X's for a reason---they didn't work out, but you are! Let it go and enjoy the relationship. You sound a little young, and with a little more maturity you will come to understand that everyone has a past---you can't walk around upset about it--it is silly! Good luck.