How do I get him back?

[mjj]

I've been with the same guy for 5 years and we are going through a very difficult time right now. It's kind of complicated. We have been in a long distance relationship for the majority of it, because he's in the military and I'm still in school. We were engaged for a while, but he broke it off in March when he got back from Iraq. He apologized and said he had made a mistake. Throughout the summer, we were on and off because I wanted to take it slow. I did alot of stupid stuff to hurt him throughout the years, like getting into his email and reading a message from his mom about me, and asking to look at different engagement rings. During the summer, I told him I thought we should wait until he moved up here in January to seriously get back together.

 

We continued calling each other and we weren't seeing other people at all. I restricted myself from being affectionate and showing my true feelings. He kept doing all this sweet stuff and kept asking to get back together. I wanted to also, but I didn't want to strain the relationship even more by progressing it while we were still apart.

 

Now he's kind of hanging out with another girl and he doesn't want to talk as much. He said he's hurt by some of the things I've done and he's just confused. I've realized alot about myself and who I want to be, and how much I truly love him and want to be with him. He's still kind of sitting on the fence about whether to get back together and I know he's torn by the decision since he's met another girl.

 

I need some advice on what to do to win his heart back and make him realize that we can make it work. I'm going down there soon to visit and he's a real romantic at heart, so I need any suggestions I can get. How do I win him back?

[gonetildecember]

Wel I'm not an expert- I'm going thru a tough situation myself.. but what i suggest is write him a letter.. plain and simple.. letting him know how you feel.. exactly what you said, you've realised what u did wrong, that you love him and want to work to make things better... and then let him sit on that for a few days.. he may come to you right away and say ok.. or he may say he needs some time to continue to think.. if he does this.. try the No contact thing and see if he comes to you....

[silentalways]

u are not sure what the other one is thinking about....i know. it has been almost a year since 'the troubles' [read - me!] and as i found out it will take me a while still to get over things. i really have no idea what my ex has been up to since then but what i do know is that my ex has made it totally clear that there is no 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc, chance and i really don't blame her. its funny because it takes hitting rock bottom to actually start to see what 'life' is about and get things back in order again. one thing i do know is that i hurt her pretty bad to make her totally erase me and the best i can do is to never bother her again.

 

although she did leave some personal stuff regarding her laptop at my place and i should get a pal to give that back. the other night i was feeling a bit overwhelmed by having to start 3 new programs, sell the house, etc. etc. and i have been full of guilt because i could not tell her things i finally realized [but that is my problem to solve] and as i was going to sleep i thought of a song she wrote about 'asking her something in the morning' so i went and recorded a different version of it and i felt her with me and i was calm and got to sleep. i will always miss her because she was simply the most beautiful, amazing, woman - it just goes to show u. never, ever take someone or things for granted. i wish her much happiness.