Am I being Harsh for Breaking up with my BF over his Boozing Mooching Using Family?

[Guest]

Sonny My Now EX BF’s family (Parents unemployed sister and her unemployed BF) moved in with him two months after we got together, that has been over a year ago. Parents got kicked out of their house because he father got into drunken fight with one of the neighbors and shot the neighbors dog. Ever since they moved in on him, I have had to hear him complain about what a mess his house, his yard and his life have become.

 

He makes decent money but had to pick up a second job because they blasted through his savings, he gave his mom his check card to pay bills while he was at work and she & his sister went on a spending spree. They bought clothes fro themselves, video games, Xboxes etc… Between the food, extra bills and booze they have been spending his money as fast as he can make it, I get to hear about it.

 

He was so broke last month that he had to borrow money from me to buy underwear and get his car fixed. His dad is an alcoholic who usually drinks 1 and ½ Gallon of whiskey over a 24-hour period (REALLY). I have tried to be patient and supportive. Yet, this T-day I had enough, Sonny and I were supposed to deliver food baskets to the elderly in our area together & when I got there to pick him up, his family had him doing all the house work that his mom & sister was supposed to be doing, plus cooking the T-day dinner. They literally walk all over him, using the “we’re your family guilt cards.”

 

Sonny, knowing that we had baskets to deliver, wanted me to help him with the dinner – I told that I would be more than happy to help him with the house AFTER the baskets were delivered (4 hours), because of the pressure that his family was putting on him he wanted to finish the house chores (8+ hours to clean the pig sty his family created over the course of 3 days the last time I helped him clean house) We made a Promise to have baskets delivered by 10am and I ended up delivering everything by myself, because there wasn’t enough time to help him and wanted to pacify his alcoholic father who was running around the house in his underwear making drunken rants about how what a piece of drunken crap his father (Sonny’s grandfather was).

 

When I finished the deliveries, I went back to his place and told him that I was breaking up with him because as much as I love him; I am tired of listening to his whining about the unhealthy environment that he has allowed to develop & persist unchecked in his home. Further I told him that I can no longer tolerate seeing him break his hind end enabling his fathers substance abuse, and supporting three other people who eat, sleep, smoke & drink all day because they are to lazy to get a job. He thinks that I am being unfair for breaking up with him & that I do not understand the importance of family.

 

Not true, I understand that family is important, I took care of my sister’s kids for over 3 years while she was in and out of Rehab for substance abuse, the worst thing you can do is enable an abusers habit by helping them support it. I figure that Sonny is going to have to learn the hard way, and I do not feel that I should have to put up with his complaining about his family when he allows them to walk all over him. I think he should be a man and take control of his house, his life and his family.

BWT He’s 28 and I’m 27.

[Walk]

I don't know if your decision was right or wrong.. I'm not sure I'd even attempt to label it that way. He gives too much, runs himself too thin, and ends up with nothing left to give to those he actually does want to keep in his life. Like you. So you're left trying to do 100% of the work to keep the relationship going. Or best case scenario it's only 80% of the work. Which means that you're running yourself thin in order to give him more, and those that you love suffer for it.

 

Loyalty is admirable.. but blind loyalty without reason is foolish. He's tying his ship to giant cement block that's plumeting to the bottom of the ocean and it's taking him down with it. You're choice was to tie your ship to his and follow him down, or detach and hope he can cut himself loose too. You're bright enough to realize you can't make him do it, and continuing to help is just reinforcing his actions.