to cheat or not to cheat that is the question

[myshellsea]

This is the first time I do this... please be patient and I apologize in advance if I sound confused... I need advise

 

About 11 years ago I was seeing someone that I knew was the "one" - it's like we were meant for each other... We were both 19 and were still undecided as to what carreer we would be in....Long story short..one day he met a army recruiter at the mall and got his attention before you know it he had enlisted and was going to move across the county... I was not thrilled about the idea but I supported him anyway.. for this man was my first everything and my soul mate.. I forgot to mention that while we were together we would experiment with occasional drug use, party, and drink.. we had the best of times.... When he left we swore to each other that we would keep in touch ... he did not...I was devistated a before I knew it I had hit rock bottom I was a wee away from being completely hooked on Meth..... I had severe emotional problems.... Just the tought of not seeing him or hearing his voice ..was heartbreaking.......about a month after the "one" left for the army I ran into a guy friend that I used to hang out with on and off ( i knew him prior to meeting the "one") We got to talking and he invited me to his home for a BBQ -saying that a few my buddies that i had not seen in while would be there and I agreed for I needed to have a little fun..... me and my friend start talking and he confeses that he has always loved me and that it was love at first sight... I explain to him that I was not emotionally stable and that I was still in love with the "one" ... he said that he would be willing to wait and do whatever it takes for to give him a chance.. after going back and forth with the idea of starting a new relationship.. I agreed to it with one condition.. that I would be honest and let him know up front that It would take a very long time to get over the "one" ... he agreed... he was there for support and he helped to pick up the pieces of my broken heart... A few years go by and I have grown to love him, we are now married and have 2 girls.. i must admit that after 8 years of marrige every now and then i tought of the "one" i never completely forgot him... a few days ago i went online to myspace i decided to scope out my cousins new profile she had just been working on a new background and she posted new pitures ect.. anyways i notice that she has a girl on her top 8 that is not familiar to me (being that we have almost all the same friends) so i deide to be nosy and i check out her profile...low and behold.. on her top 8 was "one" I felt the blood rush all over my body--butterflies in my stomach.... I do the unthinkable and make contact... now he wants to see me he wants to apologize for that he put me trought and he said that he suffered... I really want to see him again.. for i have always believed that he was the " one" I mean dont get me wrong my H is a good man - and good father.. but when it comes to our relationship we always fight for stupid reasons... arguing and yelling has been a part of our marrige since the start.. I feel that this is my oppurtunity to be happy for me.. I have always been everything to everyone and i feel that its my turn for a little hapiness.I have pushed my feelings aside and swallowed my pride many time for the sake of getting along .. I'm tired of the constant bikering and it is completely draining.. my health is not good and i think that it is time for me to do for at least this one time. I love my H but I have never been in love with him. I know that this will hurt him and my girls ... but i think about my girls ... I want them to remember their mother being happy and not a miserable deppressed person they grow up and hate...PLease give me your opinion.. I am completely overwhelemed with emotion...

[LucreziaBorgia]

... I want them to remember their mother being happy and not a miserable deppressed person they grow up and hate...

 

Why not divorce your husband then, and start a new life for you and your girls? I think it was Dr. Phil who said that 'it is better to be from a broken home than to live in one.'

 

As for the 'soulmate' - were you really that happy with him? Are you really running toward this guy, or are you merely running away from your marriage? I don't know that its a matter of wanting your "soulmate" back, as much as it is a matter of what the "soulmate" represents. You don't see the guy who hooked you on drugs and dumped you - you see someone who will save you from an abyssmal marriage. Don't let this feeble fantasy destroy what is left of your life. Don't let it destroy the lives of your children. I found out about my parents cheating when I was a kid and I was horrified, disgusted and ashamed to have them as parents. Don't let your girls see you fall from grace like that.

 

Always remember that the "one" abandoned you. He still could have kept in touch, but he chose to leave you on your own at a time when you needed him most. It sounds like you are trying to recapture what you had before the two of you hit that druggie rock bottom and he split. You can't undo the part where he left you. A soulmate and the "one" would not do that to you. I'm not sure how seeing him/sleeping with him will help you unless you feel that a trip down memory lane will somehow boost your ego. Just remember, that the "one" was the one who crushed it to a pulp to begin with.