arthur200 Posted November 24, 2006 Share Posted November 24, 2006 What should you do when goalposts move in a relationship, well actually a marriage? The woman I met (by her own admission) has changed dramatically after getting married (4 months ago). I'm feeling like a complete idiot, as the stuff that's gone was very important to me (there were no secrets about it either). It really feels that I have absolutely no choice other than to wait for her to change back, suppressing my feelings about the whole thing... or leave. I’m scared of mentioning what I want anymore, for fear of making it less likely to happen, and she’s scared to mention anything in case it gets my hopes up. (sorry for the lack of detail, i don't have much time to post at the moment) Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted November 24, 2006 Share Posted November 24, 2006 Hey Arthur! Nice to see you again, sorry it's under these circumstances! It's a little difficult to comment with the lack of detail... but... It sounds like she knows she's changed too? Have you discussed this? Can she explain why she's changed, and what's initiated the change? If she knows these things were very important to you, it's quite likely that she is now scared you will leave her? Do you think she realises it's such an issue for you? She may be feeling very insecure right now if she does, and doubtless that won't be helping anything. Have you communicated fully about this? Are you able to talk about it easily? You were impressed with the pre-martial counselling. Have you considered marriage counselling? It might help you work through these issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Author arthur200 Posted November 24, 2006 Author Share Posted November 24, 2006 Hey kitty, we haven't stopped the councelling, and without it I'm sure we'd be in a worse position. Yes she knows she's changed, yes we've talked and talked. And yes there are some Significant and serious events over the last 18 months that have had an effect on how she views the world. I'm just really angry that now we're married it seems that the rules have changed. Over the last year her favourite line was "It'll be different after all the stress of the wedding is out of the way".... and it is.... it's worse. In a nutshell she has lost all spontinaity, confidence, and fun (in all aspects of our relationship)..... Unless I'm not involved in the equation, then she's fine. You're right, she is worried about me leaving... but not from anything i've said or done... and i wouldn't... i take my vows very seriously... It's difficult to talk more about it, when her response is "I've changed, stuff happens, deal with it.!" Link to post Share on other sites
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