is he cheating or am i paranoid

[annee]

i hope i can get some advise here. i am married to a man who lives on a different continent. (Crazy i know) .Well when we got married he said he was going to move to live with me. then he decided he didnt. we have 2 kids one from a my previous relationship which didnt go well. We have been married for three years and decided that the distance was affecting us. well to get to the heart of the matter he met a spanish woman whom he said was his friend. his voice gets all mushy when he talks about her and he tells her stuff about us. one day he told me she had advised him to get emotionally detached from me cos women liked that. i saw red. months later he starts going to her house twice a week or more sometimes and gets drunk there. i told him i didnt like it but he kept doing it. then he told me she wanted to sleep with him but he said no. i was so hurt and jealous told him not to see her. he told me that he liked her and i had to deal with it. he then suggested ways to deal with it and told me to be more social so i started going to parties i hated anyway. staying at home just made me crazy. now when i talk about it he turns on me and says i go to parties forgetting he asked me to. his best friend has also advised him to cheat. After planning for months to live together he tells me he cant afford to take care of all of us. he doesnt have a house and only works part time. he doesnt want to loose the freedom his current job gives him. but he will visit once every three months.Every cell in body feels like he is cheating but he denies it and says i am just insecure. i feel like he wants to have his cake and eat it. i am 26 and attractive and i get lots of proposals to men who think am lonely. the truth is that i am but i always think about my marriage i have never thought of doing what i want and expecting him to deal with it. am hurting so much. can someone just advise me or something am going crazy. HELP!

[PandorasBox]

Divorce him. You do not have a marriage, I'm sorry to say. I don't understand why someone would get married then live on different continents. Any man who is going to openly tell you he likes another woman and for you to "deal with it" says he is not interested in your marriage. Take off the blinders hun.

[tikigods]

You need to Move on. You don't have anything that a real marriage has save for a piece of paper. You don't even ilve together and it sounds like he has no intentions on moving closer to you.

[Spinderella]

If youre feeling like you can't trust him, its not surprising, really. Whether he is cheating or not, he isnt intereted in either moving to your continent!! or giving you any sort of emotional support. He leaves you in another continent to raise his child and expects you to deal with the fact that he wants to spend real physical time with another woman.

Whether he is cheating or not, if he makes you feel like this, and treats you like this, is it really worth wasting your time on?

What are you getting out of this?

[annee]

What are you getting out of this?

Thanks for asking what i am getting out of this cos i have been asking myself that lately. i really love this guy and i really just keep hoping the situation will change.when i refuse to deal with his attitude he tells me he feels unappreciated. this weekend he told me over the phone to stop working because he wants to come over for six weeks. I really dont see why i have to put my life on hold for him everytime. My family is very judgemental and i am too scared of getting divorced because evryone keeps telling me how much the kids life would be ruined. i really dont know which life they are talking about because we dont live together and he sees them four times a year. So back to what am getting out of this i guess its just approval from my family and friends inspite of the fact that it is killing me. I dont have enough money right now to make a clean break because i just started working and i am proud of that cos it was the first step i took for myself inspite of my husbands disapproval. I hope i get the strength to make a clean break sometime soon.

I am real tempted right now to have an affair. i know its not right but i have sexual and emotional needs. and having them met only four months in a year makes me very lonely indeed. I am struggling with the guilt i feel for even considering an affair. Cos my husband keeps telling me he is expecting me to do it and i dont want to be the unfaithful one but i am so so LONELY.