im a crazy ex girlfriend :(

[missmebaby]

ever since my ex broke up with me 3 months ago ive chased him like crazy. especially these past 2 weeks ive been ridiculously annoying. its like i know im doing it and i can tell how annoyed and irritated hes getting but i cant stop. i ask him a million questions about our relationship and he just gets mad and tells me im driving him nuts and im annoying the hell out of him. 2 weeks ago things were going pretty good between us and i thought he might want to get back together. so i mentioned it and ever since then hes been cold towards me and doesnt want anything to do with me. its made me feel crazy and ive acted crazy. always calling him, asking him what hes been doing, asking him if he still cares about me, asking him if he wants to be friends. i just have no self control right now and i cant stand it. i dont want him to remember me for the rest of my life as being like this. as being his crazy annoying ex girlfriend that wouldnt leave him alone. when we first broke up it was like this too but then we hung out one night and he said his feelings for me came back. well that didnt go anywhere so we decided to be friends. and that leads up to now with me being crazy and making him so sick of me. what can i do to get my dignity back? what can i do so he wont have to remember me like this for the rest of his life? im so mad at myself that i ruined everything. i ruined the way he thinks about me. im sure he thinks im a crazy ex and hes glad he got rid of me. i want him to remember me as the great girl that he loved for a year. did i ruin things forever? is this the way hes going to think of me forever? does he think im a stalker? isnt there anything i can do?

[dgiirl]

what can i do to get my dignity back?

 

Yes, stop acting all crazy.

 

isnt there anything i can do?

 

Yes, stop acting all crazy.

 

 

Seriously, you have the power and control over yourself, but you choose not too. If you dont want him thinking how pathetic you are, then stop doing pathetic things. It's as simple as that.

[Mythical]

eeekk this gives me the creeps you remind me of my b/f's ex g/f

si he seeing someone right now?? if he is stop being crazy and leave him alone.

If not still stop being crazy desperate is a major turn off.

But I can understand if you still want to be with him i mean I have no idea why you guys broke up but if you stil want t be with him you need to focus on not being like this first and prove that

[Kamille]

Hi Missmebaby,

The first step is to recognize that you are behaving like a crazy ex girlfriend. Thankfully, you have.

 

The second, and hardest step, is to STOP ACTING CRAZY

 

The third is to realize that the reason you are acting crazy in the first place is because you are looking for validation from him. Most likely your ego was bruised by the break up and your reflex is to turn to him to make those feelings go away. But you're in a downward spiral because he is not going to help you get your dignity back.

 

Nope, you will have to get you dignity back all on your own.

 

The best thing to do is to stay away from him.

 

I've said before that I was in a very similar situation as yours. Like you I eventually realized that I was becoming that crazy ex-girlfriend. I also realized that he contributed to driving me crazy. I got angry, at him. And well at myself. I just naturally went into NC with him. We would run into each other everywhere but I would just ignore him. Curt hello and that's it. After about a year, we started talking a little bit again. 5 years after, that is to say, last year, we ran into each other at a party and had a great talk about the good times we had and how much we meant to each other.

 

But take baby steps. You will get your dignity back.

[demilde]

There is no guaranteed way to win your ex over, but there is a guarenteed way to ensure you don't have a cat in hells chance; and that is how you seem to behaving. There is nothing attractive in behaving in that way. I suggest to stop contacting like that; in fact stop contacting him full stop, and get on with your own life.

 

I know it ain't easy, but you have to do that.

[gonetildecember]

A lot of ppl do, its hard to be composed at all times around your ex because in your head your thinking.. what if this is the last chance i get to ask this, or what if i could change his mind by saying this...

 

but trust me, from someone who's done it.. it only makes things worse.

try to stay composed... don't call or stay away for a few days if you have to.. it only pushes him away.

[Tormented]

Yes, stop acting all crazy.If you dont want him thinking how pathetic you are, then stop doing pathetic things. It's as simple as that.

 

 

No, it is NOT as "simple as that." If that were the case, there would be no need for message boards such as this. To tell her it is "as simple as that," is akin to "hey, just snap out of it." Sounds logical enough but just isn't realistic or helpful.

 

Miss...a lot of us here understand your pain and what you're going through. The urge to contact your ex is something that will be with you for some time to come, depending upon the circumstances surrounding your breakup and the degree of love you felt for him. I could be wrong, but I get the sense that you are young, which can also be a factor here.

 

You're right in your statement that to continue contacting him will only serve to make you appear desperate and needy in his eyes...something that will surely drive him away rather than bringing him near. Pleading, begging, grovelling are unattractive traits and will set you up for more rejection if you continue. But more importantly, the repeated rejection will eventually damage your self-esteem, and it will be a downward spiral from there.

 

So, what can you do?

 

Well, you've taken a good step by posting here. I highly recommend you continue to do so. I also advise that you read several of the posts on this board. There's a lot of good advise and tips to help you gather the strength you'll need to heal.

 

As hard as it is, you MUST not contact this man. When you feel the strong urge to do so, post here instead. Go out with friends. Do something you've always wanted to do, and focus on doing it well. Keep a daily journal of your feelings...bleed you guts out on those pages. A journal is a good way to measure your progress. It's always helpful to go back and read your early entries and realize that the intensity of your pain has lessened.

 

Do this, and in time you will feel stronger - a trait, by the way, that your ex will find attractive. Soon, he'll begin to wonder why he's not hearing from you, what you've been doing that has veered your focus away from him. He'll wonder if you've moved on, if you're seeing somebody else...it's a normal reaction.

 

And IF he contacts you again, he'll find a confidant, strong woman who he MIGHT want to be with again.

 

Or...he may not. In any event, the begging/pleading/grovelling is NOT working and a waste of your time. Instead, focus that energy on YOU. Go into strict NC and stay the course.

 

If he comes back, great. If he doesn't, so be it. But at least you didn't waste your time because self-improvement is NEVER a waste, only a gain.

 

Either way, you win.

 

From this day forward...do NOT contact him. Let him come to you.

 

Keep posting, Miss. There are a lot of good people here that can help.

 

Chin up, girl!

 

~T~

[SamanthaX]

I have been there and I can tell you it gets better.

You need to stop contact for 60 days. I don't care how you do it. Just stop. That will give you perspective and allow him to gather his thoughts too. Men do not like needy women and you are turning him off. Its does not matter what you have said or done. Tomorrow is a new day and you are not the kind of girl who acts this way. You have pride, strength, intelligence and deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you. The next 60 days are going to suck but you can get through it. The good news is you will finally find out how he feels about you and more importantly, how you REALLY feel about him. I hope you feel better. I know it hurts.

[Guest]

if it makes you feel any better, i have the same feeling BUT i don't act on them. I did that one time already when we broke up 1 year ago, called , texed , email.. he got so annoyed he blocked me on myspace, my aim ..... everything. i chilled out for 2 weeks and he hit me up saying he missed me. now we broke up again but not because of that but since he moved to the other side of the u.s and i can tell you i have the feelings you are having but whatever you do DONT hit him up... bite your pillow ,cry, scream if you have to but just don't do it. if he truly cares for you space WILL and trust in this WILL make him come back to you.

 

 

good luck

[freshlillies]

if it makes you feel any better, i have the same feeling BUT i dont act on them. I did that one time already when we broke up 1 year ago, called , texed , email.. he got so annoyed he blocked me on myspace, my aim ..... everything. i chilled out for 2 weeks and he hit me up saying he missed me. now we broke up again but not because of that but since he moved to the other side of the u.s and i can tell you i have the feelings you are having but whatever you do DONT hit him up... bite your pillow ,cry, scream if you have to but just dont do it. if he truly cares for you space WILL and trust in this WILL make him come back to you.

 

good luck

[D-Lish]

No matter how hard it is, you just have to stop reaching out. The urges will come in waves as you try to do this. You'll be strong one day, and feel weak the next. Right now is the best time to pull back. You've done the pleading, begging and tearfest.... so now, do the unpredictable and pull back completely. The sudden lack of attention and disappearing act will have an impact on him.

 

He'll wonder where you have gone and if you are moving on.

 

You'll sabotage any hope of reconciliation if you continue. You need to be markedly absent to have any sort of impact here. Even as I sit here writing I am thinking about my ex bf. I want to call, harrass, e-mail, show up on his doorstep. But I seperate the "wanting" from the action of doing. The actions you CAN control... even if you think you can't.

 

Draw support from any outlet you can. Post here, take up a new hobby, reconnect with friends, go out. Anything that keeps your mind off him and stops you from being tempted to reach out.

 

If you keep this up, you WILL push him away for good. Give him space, and look after yourself.

 

All the best,

D

[missmebaby]

thanks so much everyone for the advice and the rude awakening lol. all this time ive acted crazy because ive wanted him back but i couldnt see that it was also giving me the least chance of doing that. now i truthfully do want him back, but i dont know if i ever could take him back. i dont think i could let myself do that. hes just treated me horribly since we've broken up, and he did some really messed up, insensitive, selfish things when we were together. his dad is also a complete as*hole to his mom so im thinking that he is going to grow up to be just like him and thats not something i want to deal with. me and him have plans for me to come over on monday to get my stuff. he told me to call him before i come over. so im thinking im not going to call him or come over. and if he calls me to find out if im coming over im not going to answer or call him back. he will have to wonder what the heck happened to me and where im at. maybe ina few weeks ill contact him so i can come get it.

[MassiveAtom]

Seriously, you have the power and control over yourself, but you choose not too. If you dont want him thinking how pathetic you are, then stop doing pathetic things. It's as simple as that.

 

Hmmm, dgirl, from what I've seen of your recent posts, HE'S MAKING her act crazy....

 

MMB, it's hard to bget dumped, and 3 months later you're still at him, I'd say reuires some professional attention. It's a self esteem thing, hon. You're actually ripe for the picking by some nairdowell looking to score easily. so stay sober.

 

GUYS usually do this sort of thing....go after the unavailable... you mean to tell me women do it to? Stop the insanity! There's probably a guy right now in your circles wishing you'd give him the time of day, but you're all into Mr. unavailable. Why's that?

[freshlillies]

you know, dont be so hard on yourself .. remember HE made you feel this way. and no one gives us a handbook when we are born on how to act during a break up. these are just things we learn as we get older and him or the next person we know better to not do a 2nd time.

 

the guy i was with, i tell you... when i was acting nuts, he blocked me, called me names, yelled at me, was mean to me... anything to get me to shut up and get away from him. everyone around me was telling me to stop contacting him and all i could think about was... well if i stop he will forget about me, and then i will NEVER have a chance with him ever again.

 

NOT...... cuz i as i said above, two weeks later he wanted me back and was saying how sorry he was and he wanted to earn ME back.

 

if he loves you ... and this is something i cant tell you since its between the two of you only.. but if he does, leaving him alone to think is the best best thing to do.... and trust me i am doing the same as we speak and its driving me nuts. so take comfort in knowing you are NOT a crazy ex, but just someone thats been hurt deep and didnt know how to handle it..

[missmebaby]

massiveatom....yes its been 3 months but during those 3 months he has continuously told me that there was a chance we would get back together, and he has said that his feelings are coming back. and he has asked me to hang out with him and we still did the same things we did when we were a couple and he has worried and gotten jealous everytime i went out where there were guys around. so i still had tons of hope that we would get back together. it is just last week that he finally said "no i dont want to get back together." soo after he strung me along for 3 months now it feels like he dumped me all over again. im just going to do the whole ignoring him thing even though i am supposed to go over there on monday. when i dont call or show up hes going to wonder what happened.

 

freshlillies....thank you, i really liked your post. this is the first time someone i was serious with has really broken up with me so its a learning experience. and it makes me feel better to know that you've been through it and he didnt hate you forever.

[freshlillies]

no problem

 

i know its hard, i read something very good the other day. it said " if you go after a guy and dont leave him anytime to think, when you do talk if all you talk about is how much you miss him and want him back. then all the memory he will have of YOU and him is YOU bugging out on him. If you act chill and dont bring the breaking up in your talks and just play it cool.. then he will start to relax and start to think of the good times, not the bad times " sorta how i read it. so just means, give him something new to think about you rather then his distaste for how freaked out he is right now. and i am not saying this will be easy .. its gonna suck, but look at it not for today but for the long run, its the way to get a guy back if he still has anything left in him for you.

 

and most of all, once you have gotten him back that doesnt mean everything is 100% ok, you will feel insecure and act needy. so that he doesnt dump you again .. DONT DO THAT! trust me ive done that and it wasnt good. just try to be yourself and as much as you can put all this behind you and open a new chapter in your guys love for eachother.

 

so if he still has feelings for you 1. you will find out by leaving him alone

2. when you talk to him dont bring the break up, up in talks

3. if you get back together, forgive and move passed all this

[Ssheena]

If you do not change your behavior he will always think of you as his crazy stalker x girlfriend. The only thing that you can and must control in this whole scenerio is yourself and how you respond and act. Leave him alone...substitute a healthy activity for your urges to contact him - write it down in a journal (journalling has helped me tremendously over the years and various boyfriends/situations). Do anything to keep from contacting him... post here ... whatever.

 

Would you want to be with someone who is acting like you are now? That seemingly has no pride? You are basically just throwing yourself at him and saying walk all over me, spill ashes on me, I'll take anything..

 

No, no, no.... If you can't change your circumstances, change your perspective.

 

We are here to help!

 

Sending you strength and good thoughts.

[dgiirl]

No, it is NOT as "simple as that." If that were the case, there would be no need for message boards such as this. To tell her it is "as simple as that," is akin to "hey, just snap out of it." Sounds logical enough but just isn't realistic or helpful.

 

It actually IS as simple as that. When you look at yourself in the mirror and are disgusted by how pathetic you act, you'll stop. This is not the same as moving on. But you can definitely take control over your _actions_ as soon as you make up your mind too. Feelings are a little bit harder, and thus the need for these forums. But actions? You can definitely put 1 and 1 together and realize that by acting crazy around an ex, you are making it extremely easy for that person to get over you. You need to do things that are productive for you and whatever you want. Her actions are clearly not productive for what she wants.

 

 

Hmmm, dgirl, from what I've seen of your recent posts, HE'S MAKING her act crazy....

 

Obviously, you misunderstood all my recent posts. Not surprising after knowing what you're currently going through.

[Kamille]

hi missme, I saw your story unfold on here and I know he contributed to driving you crazy. Don't beat yourself up, get angry!

 

Anger can be very therapeutic. It's the moment we realize we have to stick up for ourselves. He put you in a very unfair situation by leading you on and keeping you in Maybe land.

[MassiveAtom]

Obviously, you misunderstood all my recent posts. Not surprising after knowing what you're currently going through.

LOL!! Sorry. forgot the ":)" I got what you were saying... Just razzin you a bit here!

 

 

Good point!! The best way to live after a breakup is well. You have to literally F.U.C.K. YOURSELF now..... wait for it....

 

F = Forgive: forgive yourself for what you've done, are doing, how you're behaving

U. = Undertand why you're doing it, so you know what to watch out for.

C. = Compassion...be compassionate with yourself...not harsh and critical. ease up.

K = Kindness...show yourself the utmost kindness.

 

I think we should all F.U.C.K. ourselves and everybody around us a whole lot more.

 

It's copyrighted already.

[shawn_68]

im so mad at myself that i ruined everything. i ruined the way he thinks about me. im sure he thinks im a crazy ex and hes glad he got rid of me. i want him to remember me as the great girl that he loved for a year.

 

You've already received great advice. I'll also add something to keep in mind.

 

If you DO leave him alone, and force yourself into NC, he WILL remember you in a most positive light. I promise you that.

 

Let me give you one quick example:

 

I remember dating a girl just a few times. She was very clingy. And I was never really all that much attracted to her. I felt it was going nowhere so I let her go. It was not until after she cut contact that I really wondered if I made the right decision.

 

To this day, eventhough I was not that attracted to her, I STILL wonder if I really made the right decision. And I only went out with her a few times. It's really funny how this stuff works. Time and space away works miracles.

 

I STILL want to call her. Crap, maybe I did make a mistake!!

 

See how this stuff works?

[missmebaby]

i dont think ive been as bad as you people might think. i dont cry or beg or plead with him. i dont call him 5 times a day. i dont even call him every day. ive called him 7 out of the last 10 days. and 2 out of those 7 days we had decent conversations. the 5 days that i did annoy the hell out of him i called him once, we kind of fought and he got annoyed and mad at me. then we would get off the phone and i would call him back, he would answer, we would fight again, and then hang up and i would call him back like a minute later. i dont really think that makes me a stalker does it? when i do call him its just once a day but when we hang up i call him right back once or twice. whenever i call him back though he always answers so i think in his own sick way he likes the attention. he has always been the kind of guy that craves attention. he has a low self esteem and part of the reason he broke up with me is because he wanted to go out and get attention from all kinds of girls. he loves the attention.

 

anytime i show him attention he acts kind of distant, but the second i start ignoring him hes asking me whats wrong and paying all kinds of attention to me. a couple months ago we went through a stage where we were fighting but not nearly as bad as we are now. but i went no contact for a week and when i ended up calling him he sounded glad to talk to me and we had a pretty long conversation which is unusual for him. he even wanted to see me the next day and thats when he started dropping hints that he wanted to get back together. so by ignoring him for a week i guess it made him miss me. he has also never said stop calling me or anything like that. do you think by ignoring him for a couple weeks and by standing him up on our plans for me to come over and get my things that he will think about me or possibly miss me?

[Tormented]

It actually IS as simple as that.

 

For YOU, perhaps, but obviously not for HER. I completely understand what you're saying and I stand to agree with you, but I also acknowledge that this girl is NOT on the same page at this point, thus her struggle to stay away from her ex.

 

It's a matter of meeting her where she's AT rather than where she needs to be in order to help her through this. Hopefully, with the support she receives here and other suggested methods she'll gather the strength (and insight) to maintain NC and move on with her life. In fact, her recent post indicates she's taking a step in the right direction.

 

Point is, most of us here know that NC is the best route to take for healing purposes, but we must realize that others are struggling to maintain it and need us for support.

 

Although I never engaged in the pleading/grovelling with my ex, I was an emotional wreck when I first came to this board and am thankful for the support/compassion I received here. Had somebody told me to "just stop it," I probably wouldn't have returned.

 

Today, I feel much better and I have "stopped it." But I was able to do so through the *gentle* words of support I received here.

 

And that's what makes this board so effective.

 

~T~

[Kamille]

do you really want a second chance with someone because he likes attention? I would rather be alone then in a relationship like that.

 

Wouldn't you rather he comes back to you either because he's gotten his act together and has something to offer you - is commited to building a strong healthy relationship with you? The way you talk about him, he's nowhere near being able to offer you that.

 

Missbaby - forget about wanting him back. Question is: what do you want in a relationship?

 

I suggest you take advantage of the next few weeks of NC to think about you - what it is that makes you happy both within a relationship and outside of it.

[InLimbo2]

me and him have plans for me to come over on monday to get my stuff. he told me to call him before i come over. so im thinking im not going to call him or come over. and if he calls me to find out if im coming over im not going to answer or call him back. he will have to wonder what the heck happened to me and where im at. maybe ina few weeks ill contact him so i can come get it.

 

im just going to do the whole ignoring him thing even though i am supposed to go over there on monday. when i dont call or show up hes going to wonder what happened.

 

This is just more needy manipulation. You want to forestall the final thing - getting your property - cuz then there's nothing left - and you can hang onto hope for a few more weeks. Been there, done that in the past The more mature and healthy (and you want to be those things - and also want him to see those things in you at this point) is to email him and tell him to pack them up and mail them to you - or set them outside on a certain date/time and you'll pick them up with no contact.