This Girl Is Driving me Crazy........

[Guest]

This is long so bear with me........

 

I have worked in a Call Center for several years. I am 47 and was divorced in 1995. I have not even entertained any type of relationship since that time. Well shortly after beginning this job I was quite the loner as I have been since my divorce. This one girl would always say Hi to me coming into work in the mornings when I was outside having a smoke. She wasn't anything special but for some damn reason I was attracted to her in some strange way. As time passed our paths would occasionally cross in work situations and I continuously felt the need to know more about her but she was one of the quietest and seemingly shyest persons I knew in the call center, (kinda like me in alot of ways). Discreet inquiries confirmed that she did seem to be a loner and had been working there for 9 years.

 

I love mysteries and she was definitely one. Now, understand that I am not a ladies man and I have old preconceived notions about things..I am 10 years older than her and we are of different races. That seemed to be a block in my subconscious. Well as fate would have it, she was suddenly coming to our team and they needed someone to train her. Now, mind you, I volunteered to train this new person, but I had NO idea it was her. And at this point I still didn't even know her name. Well when she reported the first day and I saw who it was I damn near had a freaking heart attack! From that point on it was like we had known each other a long time and I felt totally at ease around her and it seems she did to. We became like 2 people on the same wavelength but only at a work and joking level. I found out she had a boyfriend she had known for 2 years and that he was living in Florida. She never talked about him to co-workers and no one had any idea who he was.

 

I NEVER let her know that I felt alot for her and felt we had some kind of strange connection thing going on. Preconceived notions and my own work ethic would not allow me to cross that line. Co Workers saw that I had more than a work interest but I brushed it off and said it was just fun and kept work interesting. Well, they went to Steamboat Springs for a getaway and that didn't bother me in the least and that was well over a year ago. She began talking more and people began asking questions about her invisible boyfriend. She had no pictures of him and her or even pictures of her family. Turns out her boyfriends name is John...Go figure..So is mine. He had an apartment here but went to Florida on a "Project" in mid 2005. I guess it was late 2005 when they went to Steamboat Springs and afterward he went on back to Florida.

 

At the time I really thought nothing of it. Now it starts getting weird. She started telling us that her and John were going to Hawaii for 2 weeks in June and blah blah blah...Okies..Great for her, again not a big deal to me. But other inquiring minds wanted to know about John and said she better come back with pictures this time. At the time I was pretty aloof about things and really did not get into these conversations. Well, she took off on her big Vacation rendezvous and I guess deep down I was a little jealous about a guy who could command her devotion that way even though he basically only saw her twice a year at that point, but HEY, it wasn't my thing. Well, she came back on my day off and the next day I came in and lo and behold...There was a picture of her and John in Hawaii. That was when it all fell apart for me.

 

All the barriers and preconceived notions about damn near anything came tumbling down in the space of seconds. My coworkers KNEW what was going to happen before I did. Heheheh I had a meltdown. The guy looked like me, had long hair like me and, well it only got worse as the day went on. When I first saw his picture I basically blurted out loud that, that wasn't right and continued to act stupid all day. People had to come see the John picture from Hawaii so they could see the invisible boyfriend and they would then look straight at me with various comments..IE Is that your brother? Damn, he looks like you and so forth and so on and this just contributed to my total and complete wipe out. Needless to say, my co-workers saw the complete change in me that was going on and boy did they exploit it big time to the point that I was either speechless or said completely stupid things that were totally not in character for me. I can honestly say that for the first time in many many years I went home that day and was an emotional wreck. I regrouped (IE got good and scnockered) and went to work the next day determined to regain my dignity.

 

Well, it got worse....That morning she passed me a CD over the cube wall where we look at each other daily like Wilson on Home Improvement and said check out the pics from Hawaii. Sheesh...Oh I looked at em alright..Still do to this day. Then she gave me a CD of pics from Steamboat Springs...GAHHHHHHH. Mind you there were no nasty pics or anything like that but being the analytical type I tore apart every pic and her expressions in my mind. At this point many would say I was or am being obsessive or perverse, but it wasn't that way at all. When you look and interact with someone in a work environment 9 hours a day looking at them and joking and just basically having fun, to see another side even in pictures can really mess you up, specially if all of a sudden you wish it was you. LOL..I know it did it to me. I have changed since then. I guess I started dressing a little better (at least for me) I actually shaved (The called me caveman and still do) My co-workers were constantly pushing my buttons and it was becoming crazy so one day to justify what was going on and try to spin it, I got down on one knee and asked her to be my Work Wife! Yeah Yeah, sounds stupid, but she said yes and since then at work it has been a lot less uncomfortable as we can play around again without going into personal stuff. Didn't end there....Florida John put his belongings into storage after Hawaii and went back to Florida again.

 

I came to learn he had a sum of money but did not work and lived in an apartment there with I am not sure who. Still not sure about all that and I really don't press the subject. My co-workers are an aggressive lot and arranged a "get together" at a bowling alley with the main intent of getting us together alone outside of work. Ok, It worked and we did spend a couple of hours alone talking. It was interesting to say the least. I sent a stupid e-mail that night and was told I am a great guy and I have done so much for her but she has a history with the other John. Well stupid is as stupid does and I as much said so in my response back to her. Since then its been I am basically her man at work (They call me Manwife) and when I go home my time is over. She never talks about Florida John. She did encourage me to get new glasses and even went with me to pick them out one day after work. That was Labor Day weekend. I had been wearing the same glasses since 1989!

 

Hahahaha Anywho...I love my new glasses, go figure..I can see again! 8-p Ironically looking at those Hawaii pictures of hers I realized that the glasses she picked out are exactly the same as Florida Johns? Coincidence?...Phhttt The last I heard, her Florida John told her he didn't know when he was coming back. Now I REALLY know VERY little about her life growing up or her relationships and to dig into it without it being volunteered is not my style. She knows everything about me and my life because I have no problem sharing this with her and my co-workers. I am not ashamed of the good and bad in my life. I even brought in a compilation of photographs of my life for everyone to see and they enjoyed the heck out of it. I know she enjoys my company at work and we do e-mail abit, but if I even say something that might be misconstrued or indicate something more, it results in no response or a vague response.

 

So many things I wish I could ask or say or do, but as long as Florida John is out there it basically doesn't allow me to do anything without ruining what we have right now and I DO NOT want to do that! We laugh the same way, we finish each other sentences, we can communicate very specific things to each other without saying a word. We have an uncanny ability to think the same thoughts at the same time. We both have certain things we do that are identical. It really freaks me out at times...Heheheh Again, I am not a ladies man and never was, I can count my relationships on less than one hand.

 

And this is a condensed version of what has happened................

 

Sooooo, I guess the question begs to be asked.......

 

If you were me, what would you do at this point????

 

I need unbiased opinions be they good or bad......8-)