31swf Posted June 3, 2002 Share Posted June 3, 2002 I've been dating this guy for just over a month now, and sat night he spent the night for the first time - our 7th date. needless to say, we're not just friends anymore. He left early the next morning, before 9, which sorta concerned me, but then he called around noon, just to chat and see what I was doing. I'mn thinking this is a good sign that he called. any thoughts?? we haven't made any plans to get together again. Link to post Share on other sites
C Posted June 3, 2002 Share Posted June 3, 2002 You are not just friends anymore, but what are you? Does spending the night together mean you automatically move to the next higher state of your relationship? Women often think it does, men, on the contrary, don't think so. I just think you have put yourself into a vulnerable situation by having sex with him at this point, now you will have to wonder and have expectations of him, and he might feel guilty and pressured. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 3, 2002 Share Posted June 3, 2002 It could be a good sign that he called....yes, it was a nice thought. But exactly what does that sign mean to you? Why did it concern you that he left before 9? He had to leave sometime. Did you want him to stay all morning...all day? Don't read anything into this whatsoever. Just take the relationship forward, in whatever direction it goes. You may ultimately marry this guy...or you may never hear from him again. I do hope this works out for you and from here I see no reason why you shouldn't continue dating him. But there are lots of times when a guy has made a conquest and he moves on. Take it one day at a time and have no expectations whatsoever. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted June 3, 2002 Share Posted June 3, 2002 is there any way to prevent being just a "conquest"? i realize you never know & you just take your chances ... but - for example, dating for a long while before sleeping with him- does that lower the chances of him becoming disinterested after sex? is there anything else a gal can do? it hasnt happened to me yet, but i imagine it's quite unpleasant to be a "conquest"... tips appreciated in advance -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 3, 2002 Share Posted June 3, 2002 "YOU ASK: "...dating for a long while before sleeping with him- does that lower the chances of him becoming disinterested after sex?" Not necessarily. You never know what's going on in another person's head. And there are some women who like conquests as well. To best prevent a sexual encounter that concludes a dating relationship, there should be emotional and experiential bonds between the two people. If you have known each other, done things together, exchanged conversation on an intimate level...the likelihood of a guy seeing you as a conquest is much removed. If there is no bond of any significance, few shared experiences, and not much more there except an animal horniness, even if the guy comes back around it may just be for more sex. A woman needs to use her intuition in this regard. I have found that a number of women will actually go for overnight, casual or sport sex with men they don't particularly care for but move a lot more slowly with men whom they want to share a longer term relationship. I think men are far more likely to stick by a woman who puts a great value on her vagina and doesn't make it so readily available. Make your moves with your heart. If you feel inside that a guy is likely to bolt after a roll in the hay, you're probably right. It's kind of hard to use intution if you're bombed on alcohol or horny yourself. Make sure you have all your faculties in full working order. I really have to think that almost every woman knows if things are going to move forward from the first time. I guess it depends on whether you can characterize the experience as SEX or LOVEMAKING. The latter will take you a lot further than the former. Just ask yourself...which is it??? Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted June 3, 2002 Share Posted June 3, 2002 thanks! thats exactly what i needed to hear cuz i'm going out of town for a weekend with some friends (incl. a guy i'm seeing) soon ... it was a good reminder =) -yes Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted June 3, 2002 Share Posted June 3, 2002 The best way to not be a conquest is to have a discussion before having sex to discuss what it means or wait to do it until you are officially exclusive. Oftentimes people are on completely different pages. At least if you discuss expectations first or have established exclusivity, you run less of a risk of him never calling again. 31sf, I think it's a good sign that he called. Don't worry yet that you haven't made new plans yet. It's only been a couple of days. Just don't stress about it, don't assume he is your boyfriend, and don't get psycho on him. Let him have his space. Keep your wits about you and everything will be just fine. Link to post Share on other sites
31 swf Posted June 7, 2002 Share Posted June 7, 2002 ok, a little update: things seemed to be going well, we talked by email, and he called on Tuesday just to chat (never did that before), which was nice. He came over on Wed for dinner and we went out to this film thing, then nothing. He gave me a little peck on the lips and said he had to go home. and I haven't heard from him since. He had hinted about coming over on Tuesday night, to bring me this adaptor cord I needed, but that he didn't want to have to drive there and then back home(30 minutes each way) but I said I could wait, not even thinking that me wanted me to ask him to stay over. so I don't know if he's playing games with me or not. one day he wants to come over, the next he barely touches me! He was nice and polite when we did go out. a little more touchy feely than normal, putting his arm around me, things like that. Is he trying to guage my interest level, or waiting for me to make a move? Or losing interest?? Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted June 7, 2002 Share Posted June 7, 2002 "Is he trying to guage my interest level, or waiting for me to make a move? Or losing interest??" Hard to say. Don't make a move. Don't ask him to stay over. Just keep doing what you are doing. If you are warm and receptive toward him, he will realize that you are interested. Again, it's only been a couple days since you last talked to him. Sure, it's nice when they call every day, but at this point in time, it shouldn't be expected. But, it's not a great sign that he didn't ask you out for the weekend. I think men asking for weekend nights are big indicators of interest. Did he mention what he had going on this weekend? At this point, it's too late (at least in my view) for him to try to get one of your weekend nights. Don't be *too* available. Make some fun plans with your friends and try not to think about it too much. (I know it's hard!) Who knows? He might be feeling weird about things. Again, it's a good sign that he called and that you went out on Wednesday. Just keep reminding yourself that and don't try to rush things along. Give him space to let him figure out where he wants to take this. The worst thing you could do right now is to call him and pester him and complain. Just sit back and relax. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 31swf Posted June 11, 2002 Author Share Posted June 11, 2002 Originally posted by clia "Is he trying to guage my interest level, or waiting for me to make a move? Or losing interest??" Hard to say. Don't make a move. Don't ask him to stay over. Just keep doing what you are doing. If you are warm and receptive toward him, he will realize that you are interested. Again, it's only been a couple days since you last talked to him. Sure, it's nice when they call every day, but at this point in time, it shouldn't be expected. But, it's not a great sign that he didn't ask you out for the weekend. I think men asking for weekend nights are big indicators of interest. Did he mention what he had going on this weekend? At this point, it's too late (at least in my view) for him to try to get one of your weekend nights. Don't be *too* available. Make some fun plans with your friends and try not to think about it too much. (I know it's hard!) Who knows? He might be feeling weird about things. Again, it's a good sign that he called and that you went out on Wednesday. Just keep reminding yourself that and don't try to rush things along. Give him space to let him figure out where he wants to take this. The worst thing you could do right now is to call him and pester him and complain. Just sit back and relax. well, he was out of town for a wedding all weekend, so I knew I wouldn't see him. I did call him on sunday afternoon just to say I wasn't sure when he was coming back, and if he wanted to do something that evening to give me a call. but I didn't sit around waiting for him to call. but now I haven't heard from him since wed when I saw him, and I feel like he's blowing me off, or playing games by not calling. I guess I'll just wait and see if I hear from him... aghhhh Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts