Anyone else have Borderline???

[Mz. Pixie]

Determination is the only thing I have left. I have nothing else left in my life. I don't really truly trust any one. Not even my therapist. The one person I did trust died in October.

 

If I lose my determination, I will die.

 

Borderline's have the highest suicide rate of almost any other mental illness. Because it does take years, decades, and constant battling of yourself. I get so tired that I don't want to go on. I don't want to die -- but I just don't want to have to try so hard.

 

But when you have nothing left but your own determination to live, and to stop hurting others, there is no other alternative but to heal.

 

My therapist likened it to having to re-break and re-set a bone that healed improperly. Ouch.

 

BO you know I'm here for ya, anytime!!!

 

I personally think many people who are bipolar are diagnosed as BPD when they are really bipolar.

 

However, I'm positive my mother was borderline. Narcassistic.

 

To the OP. Please stay in therapy. Perhaps if you do you'll be able to change. I truly believe borderlines rarely seek therapy, so to those of you on this thread who have- my hat is off to you!

[luvtoto]

I personally think many people who are bipolar are diagnosed as BPD when they are really bipolar.

Wow. I see a major difference in the two diseases.

 

MY daughter has bipolar, her symptoms are nothing like mine. She is able to bond with people and she is able to trust people. She looks for reasons to keep people she loves in her life. She just has these daily episodes up highs and lows. Yep...daily.

 

BPD and bipolar are both diseases that pertain to being unable to cope. The diseases are similar.

 

I've only had a couple outbursts in my life. I, also, do not experience the ups and downs.

 

To me, it just feels like a deep feeling of cynicism towards everyone and everything that tries to get close to me. I am just a sweetheart who deep down LONGS to have people in my life to love. I find myself jealous of people that have that. So, to have that cynical attitude get in my way of life...you can see my struggle.

 

I've, also, tried years and years of therapy. That helped a litte.

[Guest]

I get so tired that I don't want to go on. I don't want to die -- but I just don't want to have to try so hard.

 

This is the guest from a previous post and I know exactly how you feel.

 

You feel cheated because it seems that everyone else can just be happy and enjoy things while you have to work for it. You feel so often that you've messed up and reverted to some old behaviours and you can't go through all that struggle again. You feel that whatever you do and how much progress you make, the rest of your life will be constant and exhausting effort to keep your head above the surface. At least that's how I feel. Those exact thoughts are also what led me to be an impatient one of those times due to attempting suicide. Sometimes we just need a tune up, as my psychiatrist said. It's hard to put life in a rational perspective when those kinds of thoughts are rampaging through your mind.