Ex- a rebounder

[Healthnut26]

I have a question about rebounders, but first i'll give some history. MY ex of 3.5 years dumped me on the phone on Oct 13. I was upset, pleaded, etc. He took a mental health day the next day adn wouldn't talk to me. WHen i finally talked to him i thought things were better. He said he needed the next week to think about it and to make a decision. That tuesday he said he was done. My heart was ripped out of my chest stomped on and flattened. He said that we were separated and that we were focused too much on the future and he was sick of arguing. I said it was fixable and that maybe we should get counseling. he said no it wsan't needed. I asked him if there was someone else, he said no. I saw pictures on facebook with a girl looking pretty chummy. I asked him again online, he said no. I emailed him twice through all of this and called him a number of times to see what he meant by separated. So i left him alone b/c he obvisouly doesn't want anything to do with me. I called him last week to see if he wanted to get coffee while home for thanksgiving. he gave me a lousy excuse that he had too much work to do and that he wanted to hang out with his brother. Last night on facebook he changed his status to in a relationship. He's writing her a song. He wrote me songs. This is only a little over a month since we broke up. We had such a great time togheter and wonderful memories and he's thrown it away. I'm just wondering is this a rebound or is it something more? I know so much about him, this girl has nothing. I did things for him that she couldn't possibly do. I know how he works and what he likes/dislikes. He lied to me and i am hurt. I love him though. Everyone says if he hasn't called you by now he obvisouly doesn't care. I don't know what to make of this.

[daphne]

She's probably a rebound. Unless he knew her before you guys broke up. Then it could be a lot worse. Regardless, he has shown you he's not hte one for you. It hurts, and it's going to hurt for a while. But when you're done you'll be over him and he won't be until he stops seeing the current girl. Then his healing will begin. Hopefully, you'll be with someone new at that point and you won't care at all.

 

In the meantime, stay busy and keep your chin up. It gets a whole lot better.

[Giver]

I'm in a simillar situation, my ex started seeing someone 3 weeks after we broke up. All of the girls in his illustrations suddenly started to look like her and not me. It's been about 3 months and they're still together.....I've been telling myself that it won't last, it's just a rebound, but now realise that this is not a healthy thing to do, he is with her and not with me and I need to accept that if I am to move on -- which is something that I strangely don't want to do.

 

I am trying to pluck up the nerve to go NC as I know it is the best thing to do. Things have got better with time, it's hard to move on but you have to think of yourself and do this. You can't wait for him to change his mind.

[silentcharon]

Who cares if she's a rebound or not?

 

I'm sorry if I'm coming across as being harsh, but he doesn't want to be with you. It hurts like heck, but you have to let him go!

 

If he hasn't called you, people may be right- he doesn't care, or is trying to stay away from you so he can heal. You're not the only one who's hurting.

 

You both need space right now, to grow as individuals and to heal. Do yourself a favor and stop checking his myspace page, get a hobby and start moving on. Good luck!

[Lisa32]

He met this girl while he was still with you. He's caught up in that "funny feeling" and "infatuation" mode with this new girl. When a person's been in a relationship for almost 4 years...a person loses that funny feeling and it becomes real. That's why a lot of people tend to stray. They want that funny feeling, lost in love emotion again.

 

You didn't do anything wrong, and dont' buy for a second that excuse about "fighting too much". Your ex already knew that he wanted out of the relationship with you, because he had already met this new girl.

 

I know you're upset, and I know this guy had destroyed you...but at the same time, it's showing his immaturity level. If he can throw away 3-1/2 yrs like it was nothing, then he hasn't a clue what real love is. He's caught up in that eros, false love, funny feeling stuff. Even the guy I was dating...it took him 7 mos to break up with a girl he didn't even love, and was only with for a total of 1 year. He had met me, but he wanted to do it the right way.

 

This ex of your is no prize. I know you love him and you think he's the greatest...but I don't like the way he ended it with you...making you think it was your fault. WHat a chicken little.

 

Stay away from him. DO NOT contact him...EVER. If you do, you'll be making the biggest mistake. In anywhere from 2 - 6 mos., you'll get a call from him. What's happening to you, is exactly what happened to me with my ex of 3-1/2 yrs (same time). 3 mos. later, after dumping me for someone else (he told me it was my fault too...plus that he didn't love me anymore), he came crawling back, telling me he loved me and made a HUGE mistake. I (the fool that I was) took him back. I stayed with him for another 2-1/2 yrs. I grew to hate him, little by little for hurting me. I ended up dumping him for this hot guy who was 10 times better looking. Here it is...13 yrs. later, and the guy is still trying to get me back. He told me I've ruined it for him and other women. I'm repulsed by him, and he wants to marry me.

 

Don't be sad, because you don't know what the future will bring with this guy. I promise, if you guys are meant to be, you will be and there's nothing you can say that will change it. Just take this time to cry or scream or beat up your pillow. You'll get through it...I sure did.

[Lisa32]

Oh...and one more thing. I feel really badly for this new girl of his. She's going to be so threatened by you. You were with him for 3-1/2 yrs. If I were her friend or family member, I'd tell her to be careful. The chances of her getting hurt by this guy are pretty high. A guy usually does go back to his ex...especially after that long of a period of time. I'm not trying to give you false hope...just what I've seen from my experience.