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How do I tell my husband?

Annyka

By Annyka,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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Annyka

Annyka

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Thanks for your support..

 

I think I need to tell him.

 

I am going to have a shower, to collate my thoughts. I'll keep you up to date....

 

Wish me luck!!

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magichands

magichands

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Wish me luck!!

Don't do anything naughty with the showerhead.

 

Just keep your head, and I'm sure you can get things moving in the right direction. Cool, calm, and collated. :love:

 

Good luck!!!!

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Annyka

Annyka

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Well I have made a decision. I have chosen this:

 

Should I try and get strong and ignore this other guy until he gives up, keep it from my husband and try and move on?

 

 

I have told the guy that I want him to leave me alone. I have told him that nothing will ever happen. I am now going to honour the promise I have made from myself.

 

I am not telling my husband about him. Yes I kissed him, but I've only been having a text affair for 3 weeks. And it's not going to happen again.

 

However, I am going to tell my husband that I am unsatisfied, and that our relationship needs work. Because if I don't, then I might not be able to keep my promise. I am going to tell him all the things that are driving me away. Including the things that I am responsible for. I am not going to make him feel at fault, but just make him aware of it. I am going to suggest a MC and if he doesn't, I am going to see a counsellor myself anyhow.

 

Your support has helped lots.. Thanks

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magichands

magichands

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Thats a good choice, but is this something you can keep that will not get in the way?

That's a good point. Honesty is definitely the best policy, but sometimes things are "complicated enough."

 

I think you have nipped this guy in the bud, and it's all behind you now.

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Annyka

Annyka

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Thats a good choice, but is this something you can keep that will not get in the way?

 

I'll tell him one day. When the threat is no longer there. It will worry him too much. In my mind it's over, but until the guy get's the message, he will still be considered a threat. I am sure it won't take long. Then I'll tell my husband about him. So all the cards are out on the table. (it will hurt him less this way..)

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Anka

Anka

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Trust me, if you are ever going to tell him, you need to do it soon or it will hurt him MORE when you tell him later.

Remember, its his marriage to, and he has a right to know whats happening in it.

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magichands

magichands

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Trust me, if you are ever going to tell him, you need to do it soon or it will hurt him MORE when you tell him later.

Remember, its his marriage to, and he has a right to know whats happening in it.

Again, an excellent post. That's very true - tell him now or never. It only hurts more when there's a delay "for your own good."

 

I hate it when people keep things from me because it's "for my own good." Hate it, hate it, hate it! But the "delayed" betrayal is even worse.

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Anka

Anka

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One swift blow instead of several small ones. Its going to be hard and painful no matter what.

But the best things in life never come easy;)

 

The only way to have a strong satisfying marriage is to have honesty and open communication. It will make a stronger bond if you have no secrets.

 

Im not telling you to tell him, thats your decision, but if you are, do it now and be done with it.

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magichands

magichands

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Im not telling you to tell him, thats your decision, but if you are, do it now and be done with it.

I wish I could recycle your posts and take credit for them. Great stuff!

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magichands

magichands

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I'll tell him within the week. I just gotta get my head around it. (and the guts up)

You had better report back here when the deed is done. Otherwise we'll have to set the dogs on you.

 

Annyka and Anka, hey? I wonder if there is a magichandska around here.

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Annyka

Annyka

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You had better report back here when the deed is done. Otherwise we'll have to set the dogs on you.

 

Annyka and Anka, hey? I wonder if there is a magichandska around here.

 

 

Lol.. It is pretty strange huh?

 

Don't worry, I gotta keep u up to date after all the help you all gave me to get my head around it.

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magichands

magichands

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Don't worry, I gotta keep u up to date after all the help you all gave me to get my head around it.

I've just fed the dogs. Everything's cool...for now.

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Sup

Sup

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How do I go about telling him something is wrong in the first place? I can't suggest MC when he thinks there is nothing wrong.

 

 

Listen Lady, the DIRECT approach is the best way here, yes it will hurt him, but just make sure that your husband knows that you did NOT have sex with OM. Then you both go to marriage counseling to try to fix the marriage, remember that your husband does NOT read minds, he can't, no one can, but God. If it don't work though, at least you tried, but don't do ANYTHING until you're Divorced.

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Sup

Sup

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I'll tell him one day. When the threat is no longer there. It will worry him too much. In my mind it's over, but until the guy get's the message, he will still be considered a threat. I am sure it won't take long. Then I'll tell my husband about him. So all the cards are out on the table. (it will hurt him less this way..)

 

 

Mrs., I suggest that you tell your hubby about this guy as soon as possible, why? It would help to eliminate the possibility of this happening ever again.

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someone2

someone2

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Honestly Annyka, my respect to you increased 100x after reading through your posts today.

 

Very few people can really resist the temptations no matter how strong they are, and be able to pick the right decision. I was under the impression that you are just here to get this off your chest before actually doing it.

 

But seeing that you had the courage to change your mind and make the right decision makes me respect you much more.

 

Good luck to you. Keep us informed about what happens. Don't be so harsh on your hubby :)

 

 

Well I have made a decision. I have chosen this:

 

 

 

 

I have told the guy that I want him to leave me alone. I have told him that nothing will ever happen. I am now going to honour the promise I have made from myself.

 

I am not telling my husband about him. Yes I kissed him, but I've only been having a text affair for 3 weeks. And it's not going to happen again.

 

However, I am going to tell my husband that I am unsatisfied, and that our relationship needs work. Because if I don't, then I might not be able to keep my promise. I am going to tell him all the things that are driving me away. Including the things that I am responsible for. I am not going to make him feel at fault, but just make him aware of it. I am going to suggest a MC and if he doesn't, I am going to see a counsellor myself anyhow.

 

Your support has helped lots.. Thanks

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IpAncA

IpAncA

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Well I have made a decision. I have chosen this:

 

I have told the guy that I want him to leave me alone. I have told him that nothing will ever happen. I am now going to honour the promise I have made from myself.

 

I am not telling my husband about him. Yes I kissed him, but I've only been having a text affair for 3 weeks. And it's not going to happen again.

 

However, I am going to tell my husband that I am unsatisfied, and that our relationship needs work. Because if I don't, then I might not be able to keep my promise. I am going to tell him all the things that are driving me away. Including the things that I am responsible for. I am not going to make him feel at fault, but just make him aware of it. I am going to suggest a MC and if he doesn't, I am going to see a counsellor myself anyhow.

 

Your support has helped lots.. Thanks

 

Um...yeah. I agree with what you decided except for the part that you don't want to tell your H about him. You need to take full responsibility for your actions and accept the consquences. For all you know he may already suspect or know your having an affair and is waiting for you to say something.

 

After reading your posts you don't sound like your so sure on this whole situation and I'm not so sure that if you don't tell him that you won't do it again. First you say that you should tell him, then you don't want to and now you will sometime down the road. The right thing to do is to tell him asap.

 

Also I don't think worrying to much about worrying your H should be your main concern. But whether or not your marriage will continue after he knows.

 

I know I don't know you and I don't want to come off as judgemental but if you decide not to tell him or do and not tell him the truth 100%, you will make it harder on yourself and your marriage. He deserves and has every right to know and should know what you've been doing.

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James8888

James8888

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I think with this one you do have to come clean here. Nothing major happened yet and you should leave it that way. Tell him you felt neglected and it was an innocent mistake. The other guy has to go though…..RIGHT NOW. If he stays, even just in email conversations somewhere down the line you're going to have an affair. Then it's all over. If you totally hide this it will eat you up inside. You did a bad thing....let's be honest but not bad enough that you can't get past it. Go see the counselor, strengthen your marriage and get back you truth, trust, and passion in your marriage.

 

A good way to look at this is to put the shoe on the other foot. How would you feel if he had this small emotional affair? I'll bet it would hurt. But, it could also be a position for you guys to strengthen your marriage. He'll be hurt...no doubt about it. But, catch this thing right now and fix it. YOU HAVE TO CUT ALL CONTACT WITH THIS OTHER GUY THOUGH. I can't stress this enough.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Annyka

Annyka

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Well it's done.

 

I spoke to my husband. I said that I was feeling unsatisfied and needed more. I told him that I was as much to blame as him (as I am) and we both needed to change our approach to our relationship and marriage if we were to save it.

 

I couldn't tell him about the kiss, or the other guy at all (he doesn't even know he exists). I just KNOW it will destroy my husband. And I am sure that it is a case of what he doesn't know won't hurt him. Especially as I have now ended the possibility (I haven't had any contact what so ever with the other guy - Since I met up with im face to face to tell him I couldn't do it at all, and he has respected my wishes.. Giving me one last text message after I told him - "I think we are doing the right thing".)

 

Since my last meeting with the guy (which I am proud to say I demonstrated great restraint), and my discussion with my hubby, I have noticed a great improvement in my marriage. I am feeling more sexual drive, and my hubby has been more spontanious... It's great (we've even been having sex outside the bedroom!) I hope it lasts.

 

Thankyou to everyone here for their advice.

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goodfriendeva

goodfriendeva

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wow.. holding hands is considered cheating in my book!.. if you donnt care if your in this marriage or not then you should save him from the disapointment your going to bring him

 

be a woman and fess up to what you did.. deal with what he has to say about it afterwards.. adn if he wants to be with you still.. you are lucky.. then its up to you if your husband of 10yrs.. (cause thats long you been together) is worth more then a piece of ass

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