How do I tell my husband?

[professor]

I have only been married for a reasonably short period (7 1/2 months), although I have been with my husband for almost 10 years.

 

Recently I have met this guy who has really turned me on. I have entered into a pretty full on emotional affair in the matter of a couple of weeks. This then turned to a slightly more physical affair. We have seen each other in real life (since we started text and instant messaging) twice. The first time we just talked, like we were friends - with little/no flirting. The second I kissed him.

 

I have gotten to the point now (it's been 3 weeks since I started the EA) that I realise I don't want to ruin my marriage. But I have got myself in a bit stick in the mud.

 

#1. If my husband were to find out about the EA and the kiss then he'd leave me - cheating is cheating no matter how minor.

#2. The guy is still being persistent (I told him that my hubby found out and we had to end it - but I think he knows I am lying and that I still would like to be with him).

#3. I want to sleep with the guy, he turns me on and no matter how hard I try, I still text him (which is probably why he's still being persistent because I am responding). I don't want a relationship with him, and if my marriage ended I probably would sleep with the guy once and be over it.

 

so now I don't know what to do. I want to tell my husband but am extreemely scared. I don't want to lose him, or cause him hurt (I wish I thought of this before - but I was so confused at the start and just went with the moment - and now I can't change that).

 

Should I try and get strong and ignore this other guy until he gives up, keep it from my husband and try and move on?

 

Should I tell my husband and expose it, giving me more strength to end it but also risking ending my marriage - and if so HOW?

 

Should I sleep with the guy so that I can get over it and then continue my life - although I seriously think this not really an option - as I can't guarentee my feelings will stop there, and then I am going to dig myself into a deeper hole.

 

PLEASE SOMEBODY help me!!!

dont tell anyone else

[Annyka]

wow.. holding hands is considered cheating in my book!.. if you donnt care if your in this marriage or not then you should save him from the disapointment your going to bring him

 

 

Um.. I do care if I am in this marriage.. (I may have said that I didn't care, but that was when I was confused. I have assessed my feelings and have decided I want to work things out. I have ended contact with the other guy and discussed the issues in my relationship which led me to the confusing situation - and yes I admit I was responsible for at least some of those issues - if not all).

 

For me to come here for advice and hope that someone will knock sense into me, is the first step that told me I wanted to save my marriage. For me to then end the possibility of a fully fledge affair was the next step.

 

Sure I don't feel the need to expose this to my husband. I think it will do more harm than good. I am ashamed of what I have done and I have no intention of letting things get like that again. Yes in my books I have cheated. What I did was wrong.

 

Things are going well now. I am happy with the way things have ended up - before they got to the point that I couldn't do anything about it. It has helped me realise I can talk to my husband about things I am feeling. I was scared.. I have never been allowed to express my feelings (stemming from childhood issues) in fear of being ostrasised for them. But he made me feel good for telling him. I wish I went to him before I got to the kiss and emotional affair, but I didn't. And at least I did at some stage before I did something I couldn't live with.

 

I can live with this. I know it was wrong, but it helped me realise things and assess my feelings. I love my husband and I feel now that I can be faithful for the rest of our days together. And I promise to be understanding of him, if I find he ever goes through a similar situation. Because I know what it feels from this end.