very confused

[LB]

ok, here it goes, I met this guy 2 years ago, for the first 6 months everything was going pretty well.... he is the first guy that actually broke the wall that was around me down, usually when i meet a guy, I blow them off I guess cause i get scared, anyway, this guy broke the wall down, and made me happy. things cooled off , and after 2 years of knowing him, we are still friends, we dont see each other, but we still talk a couple of times a week. Now I may be nieve but not stupid, Deep down I know he is dating, I mean why wouldnt he....... but he never came out and told me, which was fine, cause in my head, what i dont know wont hurt me..... he calls me yesterday, to tell me that he is dating, and she may be calling me, she found my # on his cell phone. Now even though, deep down I knew, but i guess that I didnt want to admit it But hearing those words come from his mouth was a reality hit....... when I was talking to him, I acted like nothing, but I cant stop crying, I really like this guy alot and I dont know why Im upset, I guess cause Im jealous or because, I never had the guts to ask him when things cooled off, of whats going on or what happend, I just kept my mouth shut, I dont know Sorry, Im just to confused, of how Im feeling!!!!!!!!!

[Tony T]

First thing, you committed fraud. After he stopped seeing you, you continued to engage in a "friendship" despite having feelings for him.

 

You committed fraud against yourself by trying to make yourself feel it was OK to be his friend when it wasn't...you wanted more than friendship. You led him to believe you were his friend when in reality you were hoping everyday it would go back to its original romantic state. You put yourself through unnecessary pain by misleading yourself.

 

You committed fraud against him by leading him to believe a friendship was OK when it clearly wasn't. It was extremely painful to you...the only thing that reduced the pain was you not knowing for sure if he was dating other people.

 

This is a lesson for you which I hope you will grab onto with all your might. Don't be part of relationships where you are kidding yourself and the other person. If you have deep feelings for someone and they don't reciprocate, don't just hang around under the false pretense of friendship and drive yourself into the ground....GET AWAY, FAR AWAY....cease all contact and put your life together.

 

Him calling you about the phone number issue was the best thing that has ever happened to you since he stopped seeing you. This was your wake-up call that you need to stop fooling yourself and cease all contact with him. Begin the process of healing so you can move on with your life. If you don't understand how precious time is, go to an old people's home where people are waiting to die and ask around.

 

There are enough buttholes in the world who will lie to us and mislead us. But when we do that to ourselves, there's simply no excuse.

 

Before I go, I must tell you that I used to do this to myself...probably in a much worse way than you're doing it. That's why I can say with authority that it's a dead end and it will get you nothing but pain.

 

Write this guy off NOW and start moving on with your life. If you have any further contact with him, let it only be to tell him the absolute TRUTH...that you still have feelings for him and that you can't handle being in contact with him while he is proceeding to court women to find a life partner whom he can marry and have a family.

 

I don't think you want to stick around so you can be his kids' Godmother.

[LB]

Thank you so much for your advice, you are right and I agree with you 100%........

 

Just to let you know, please dont think that I stopped dating because if him, thats far from the truth, Im dating but nothing is serious with anyone now, maybe thats one of my problems why i cant let go.....

 

Anywho, Its going to be hard, but I know what I must to...... I just hate feeling like a failure........

[Tony T]

What does "feeling like a failure" feel like??? We all make mistakes. We can only be failures when we repeatedly make mistakes we don't learn from.

 

Nobody is a failure because another person doesn't want to date them, have a relationship with them, marry them, or whatever. They are no more failures than the oranges in the fruit section of the supermarket that are overlooked in favor of apples or pears.

 

When it's your time, when the time is right, when the person is right, when you and another person are ready at the same time, things will happen...and it won't be a success or a failure...it will be true love.

[velvet]

Most of the time there is confusion when you have feelings for someone who in return does not show the same kind of interest.

 

It doest have to be confusing. Your in control of your feelings, your mind. What your going through is fantasy turned into a nightmare. In the future when you feel your getting wrapped with someone and that person doesn't share the same feelings, thats when you have to tell yourself the truth. You have to do what you can to write off those emotions and keep putting one foot in front of the next to move forward and not look back.

 

Its a mental state. Something you have to control and ride out no matter how painful it is. I've been hurt, hurt to where I don't know what to do with myself. Ive learned mental exercises to get me through heartbreaks or whatever the situations are.

 

I've broke into major sweats trying to accept what hurts and ride it out like a bad hang over. But just like a hangover you have to sweat it out however long it takes and pray for the next day and thats pretty much the cure.

 

You should tell this person how you feel. I would just briefly decribe your feelings and walk off, say bye and hang up the phone. I wouldnt drag it out or talk about it to death.