bonehead Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 I know time alone worked WONDERS for me. It really does take time to adjust to not having threats held over your head all the time. People would think that it would be a relief, which it is. But its also so differnt then what I was use to the I really didnt know how to just be me. Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 HIEUHere: I'm so glad you're keeping your wits about you and making your expectations clear. Certainly I think that ensuring he really IS on his own and independent before committing yourself further to this is such a good idea. There are some good signs there, and I hope it all works out well for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Romeo Must Die Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 Beware of false promises. Thats all I'm saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author How I ended up Here Posted November 29, 2006 Author Share Posted November 29, 2006 Bonehead - yes it is very hard to see things for what they are and how hooked we are sometimes even on abuse. I was reading a passage the other day from a book that described abusive co-dependant relationships and people who are considered (as the book called it, emotionally broken) which stated that one person can be the abuser and the other the abused but both parties are equally "broken" unless one takes ownership of what is happening and cuts the habbit. There are those partners who will continue to recreate these patterns and those who will learn. It said that it can happen to the best of us at any given point in our lives but if we are truly "broken" we will perpetuate recreation of these types of relationships. I truly hope you have moved on to a healthier place. As for my MM he told me he realized he was simply being manipulated into doing something he did not want to do. Abuse is indeed a very powerful thing, guilt and remorse are just as strong. Again I am not justifying his actions I am simply stating how I see things from the outside. I know I am in for a hard road ahead of me if I don't think with my head. I also know that things will not all be happy and fun, relationships seldom are all happy an fun all the time. I've learned my lesson about actions vs words, funny thing is I have always been a big fan of letting actions speak louder than words, it's different when you are knee deep in it though. My friends have been extremely supportive of my emotional rollercoaster ride and it has always been me who is there to give the sound advice. Life is truly funny. We are all great at fixing other's problems but we can fall blindest in our situations if we get too confident in our own abilities. As for being careful, all I want is to date this man knowing and trully get to know him under normal cicumstances once he is living on his own and I am not playing the role of the OW (which I never wanted, even though she was away a lot it seldom felt like I was the other woman because he was always around me except for the last month). As for him going back to his wife I think there are no guarantees in life, I could meet a divorced man and date him and he could easily go back to his ex wife and remarry, it can happen with a boyfriend, an ex husband anyone. There really are no guarantees so I can't stop to think that way. If he is moved out for good and he devotes himself to me without interruptions from his past life, that is all I can really ask or want out of him for the time being. I know for a fact he has with me something he never had with her and that is a true mental and spirtual tie, and a strong physical connection. I truly think he is my soul mate, we have the same interests, goals and needs out of life. Something he just did not share with her. Link to post Share on other sites
puddleofmud Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 Yes, do remember that you deserve to be courted by any and all means. I like that you respect yourself enough to require that! Don't forget that you are also free as bird and available for courting with others whom may wish to date you. Have fun with yourself and don't forget nights out with the girls. HE is only one option right now... Your whole life is open and may the best man win!!! Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 yes it is very hard to see things for what they are and how hooked we are sometimes even on abuse. I was reading a passage the other day from a book that described abusive co-dependant relationships and people who are considered (as the book called it, emotionally broken) which stated that one person can be the abuser and the other the abused but both parties are equally "broken" unless one takes ownership of what is happening and cuts the habbit. There are those partners who will continue to recreate these patterns and those who will learn. It said that it can happen to the best of us at any given point in our lives but if we are truly "broken" we will perpetuate recreation of these types of relationships. I truly hope you have moved on to a healthier place. The sad thing is that the emotional abuse isnt as noticable as physical abuse. Then when the woman is the abuser it makes it even harder to see. And yes the abuse can lead to a co-dependant relationship. It is something very hard to break free of, but once your free OMG!!!!!!!!! The effects it has on children when the parents are in this type of relationship is really sad. They have no choice in the matter. All they can do is pray that one of the parents will get the strength to break the cycle. As far as me moving on to a healthier place. Within 3 months I was off my anti depressants, off my blood pressure meds, quit smokeing. The boys improved in school like you wouldnt believe. THEIR health improved alot. Went from missing so much school that they both almost got held back to the oldest not missing a day at all last year. But I am having to see the DR more. lol Link to post Share on other sites
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