No Contact works

[ImInPain]

So after more than 2 months strict NC on my part she texts me with Happy Thanksgiving. I take my time and text back thank you, you too and hope all is well with you and your family. She texts back the same. 4 hrs later she texts I miss you and just want you to know Im thinking about you. Last text was I want to talk I miss you with all my heart and soul and I can't live without you. So now the ball is back in my hands and I am trying to get my head around everything that happened. I will update more when I get a chance.

 

No contact works and I am proof. Read other posts of mine. It's the hardest thing I have ever done. I am no where near totally back where we were and that will take time. I know if I want it we now have a chance.

 

Thanks to everyone here for all the help. You are the best.

 

d-lish I hold a special place in my heart for you....

[The write one]

I posted in another thread, but the short of it is...After 8 years and 8 Thanksgivings and all other holidays. I didn't hear a word from my ex. I call myself finally excepting that its over and moving on after three months of breakup bliss, so when she called me two weeks ago, i said i'd call her back, but didn't because she wanted to meet up, but i'm sick of her playing me (mixed signals) I love you but i don't know want i want.

 

So i decided not to call her on Thanxgiving, Don't know why but i expected her call on, but alas she idn't and its got me scared. I'm doing NC as a means to move on. since we've broken up, i went no cant for a month and she went crazy and started calling and texting like mad, until her cell phone bill went up so high that it was cut off and she can't afford to pay it.

 

After the month of NC, i call myself reestablishing a friendship/communications with her, but she is so freaking aloof about what she wants that i couldn't take it anymore, so i dissapeared again.

 

Point is, i'm doing NC, but i think she believes oh well, he didn't care about me in the first place and he's acting like a jerk, by ignoring my calls, not calling back and not calling me blah, blah blah.

 

how exactly did you handle NC, I don't want to be mean or rude or a jerk toward her, becasue i love the ex to death, but i have to move on and discontinue the pain. Otherwise, i get false hope.

[Rooster_DAR]

I posted in another thread, but the short of it is...After 8 years and 8 Thanksgivings and all other holidays. I didn't hear a word from my ex. I call myself finally excepting that its over and moving on after three months of breakup bliss, so when she called me two weeks ago, i said i'd call her back, but didn't because she wanted to meet up, but i'm sick of her playing me (mixed signals) I love you but i don't know want i want.

 

So i decided not to call her on Thanxgiving, Don't know why but i expected her call on, but alas she idn't and its got me scared. I'm doing NC as a means to move on. since we've broken up, i went no cant for a month and she went crazy and started calling and texting like mad, until her cell phone bill went up so high that it was cut off and she can't afford to pay it.

 

After the month of NC, i call myself reestablishing a friendship/communications with her, but she is so freaking aloof about what she wants that i couldn't take it anymore, so i dissapeared again.

 

Point is, i'm doing NC, but i think she believes oh well, he didn't care about me in the first place and he's acting like a jerk, by ignoring my calls, not calling back and not calling me blah, blah blah.

 

how exactly did you handle NC, I don't want to be mean or rude or a jerk toward her, becasue i love the ex to death, but i have to move on and discontinue the pain. Otherwise, i get false hope.

 

I am in the same exact boat right now, and if you find an answer let me know. I bet the correct answer is "Dump them and move on", but that is just a hunch.

 

[shawn_68]

I am in the same exact boat right now, and if you find an answer let me know.

 

Just dump them and move on!!

[Rooster_DAR]

Okay, here we go.

 

After 3 months of N/C she contacts me and says she wants to work things out.

 

Her Quote:"I want to do whatever it takes to gain your trust back, I finally found true love and don't want to lose you again"

 

Since then we have been in contact and she has confessed she is involved with this guy (affair), but she is afraid to hurt him too. Okay, so we started talking about all the problems in the relationship and communicated better than we ever have. She came clean about evertying that happened and told me she is in a relationship with this guy, he lives in another state but they work together every year. She tells me his vehicle is being stored at our house and she wanted to let me know that before I found out myself.

 

She says she wants to know if we are going to work this out so she can let the O/M know by Xmas. She also stated that she has maxed out her credit cards and was broke. These two things were a major problem with me, and makes me question her real motives. She was crying and holding my hand the whole time, so it seemed there was some sincerety there and she has come clean. She did say she broke up with this guy after we talked.

 

Fast forward to this last weekend, I went over to the house on Friday and we talked about all of this some more after dinner. When I brought up the fact that his car is still in the garage, she said the he contacted her again. I asked if she broke it off with him and she said yes, but he called back upset and wanted to work things out. I asked her what they said and she just stated he wanted to work things out. She proceeded to compare him with me telling why she was attracted to him, and how attentive and sweet he is to her. I got upset and said please don't compare me to him. She also told me she has liked him a lot longer than I suspected, and that's she's been in contact with him for a year.

 

I stated to her that she needs to accept she is having an affair, but she seems to minimize it with words like "It really wasn't like that". Anyway, I went home that night and Saturday I decided I was going to take her to the nutcracker. We went out for dinner, and proceeded to the play and it was a good time. When we got back to the house, we started talking again and she was now saying she feels awkward when I try to hold her hand, and she can't think about sex around me, and she's confused. What does that mean? Is she confused about the whole thing, or just not attracted to me? Well, I finally said to her I'm ending your confusion now and left to go home.

 

She sends me text message after text message saying things like "Don't be mad at me" "I am not giving up, I think we are meant to be together". I'm trying to be patient because I understand an affair is hard to give up, but do I just need say fu**off or should I be patient and let this ride out? She still says she wants to keep trying, so I'm very confused people. She also stated she has met his sisters and his family, and they like her a lot. I'm very angry that she could do this to me/us after all the time we spent together. She also said she wants to have a family by next year, and her mom is pushing for her and I to reconcile. She also asked me again "What are we going to do, she needs to know?" which sounds again like an ultimatum.

 

Jesus, I am very confused here due to the fact I still do love her. I'm just not convinced I'm not being misled and a fallback for her dispostion.

 

Thanks guys!

[D-Lish]

So after more than 2 months strict NC on my part she texts me with Happy Thanksgiving. I take my time and text back thank you, you too and hope all is well with you and your family. She texts back the same. 4 hrs later she texts I miss you and just want you to know Im thinking about you. Last text was I want to talk I miss you with all my heart and soul and I can't live without you. So now the ball is back in my hands and I am trying to get my head around everything that happened. I will update more when I get a chance.

 

No contact works and I am proof. Read other posts of mine. It's the hardest thing I have ever done. I am no where near totally back where we were and that will take time. I know if I want it we now have a chance.

 

Thanks to everyone here for all the help. You are the best.

 

d-lish I hold a special place in my heart for you....

 

Thanks Iminpain!

 

 

I've been horrible sticking to the NC!

Well, not horrible- but I've broken down and e-mailed a few times in the last three months. I don't think NC makes a difference for me though~ it's done and over in his mind....as still hard as that for me to come to terms with.

 

You sound like you are playing your cards right with your ex. Wish I had your ability to stay so strong and stick to the plan.

 

Today is just a weak day I think...

Glad you're doing well!

D

[Rooster_DAR]

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack the thread. I reposted it elsewhere.

 

Thanks

[phoenix21]

So after more than 2 months strict NC on my part she texts me with Happy Thanksgiving. I take my time and text back thank you, you too and hope all is well with you and your family. She texts back the same. 4 hrs later she texts I miss you and just want you to know Im thinking about you. Last text was I want to talk I miss you with all my heart and soul and I can't live without you. So now the ball is back in my hands and I am trying to get my head around everything that happened. I will update more when I get a chance.

 

No contact works and I am proof. Read other posts of mine. It's the hardest thing I have ever done. I am no where near totally back where we were and that will take time. I know if I want it we now have a chance.

 

I'm glad that it worked for you ImInPain. I'm not sure what I want to do about my situation. I went 2 weeks with complete NC and she showed up at my church 2 weeks in a row. I kept my contact with her brief. She hasn't shown up the past 2 weeks and it makes me wonder if she just showed up to see how I would react or she showed up and wanted me to say something. It's hard when you're trying to figure out what the other person is trying to do or what they're thinking and you try to analyze everything and it just drives you crazy.

 

I don't know if I just want to stick with the NC until she contacts me or if I should initiate some contact after a few more weeks of NC. I don't know if she's going to try to contact me before Christmas or not. I had a dream about her last night. I don't remember much about the dream, but I think we were just having fun like before. I just miss her so much. I just don't know if I should just keep doing the NC thing or I should try to attract her again. Like everyone else, I just don't want to make the wrong move.

[phoenix21]

I went to a party yesterday for one of my friends baby. His brother went NC for a year and they bumped into each other and started to hang out again. So I know there's hope. I also know that every situation is different.

[demilde]

I went to a party yesterday for one of my friends baby. His brother went NC for a year and they bumped into each other and started to hang out again. So I know there's hope. I also know that every situation is different.

again for the non-americans is hang out the same as going out with someone. I know we speak the same language but......tip from a limey though, don't use the word fanny over in the UK...unless you want a slap :-)

[D-Lish]

again for the non-americans is hang out the same as going out with someone. I know we speak the same language but......tip from a limey though, don't use the word fanny over in the UK...unless you want a slap :-)

 

Hang out means friends. Hook up means fooling around, A "cougar" is an older woman who dresses up like a teenager and goes after younger guys... And if you ever go to prison in North Amercia, never use the word "goof".... it'll getcha in trouble.

lol

 

FANNY, FANNY, FANNY!

D

[ImInPain]

Well hello to all. Thanks for listening to my story. Damn things are far from perfect and I think I may do NC again just to really make her realize that she does love and want me. She is still confused and worried that I will go back to my ex so what else can I do. It won't be as hard this time as I did it once already. Plus I have lots of beer to get me through, and you all and some good friends in life. Wish me luck.

 

D-lish you as always helped me through the night..... Thanks beautiful.

[ImInPain]

So she contacts me and I guess I blew it. I asked her questions about the guy she was hanging with and she denied things that I had concrete evidence about and got mad that I don't trust her. But she has done nothing but lie about stupid stuff all summer. So why would I believe her over something bigger. So she gets mad and claims I was never jealous so why now. She tells me she loves me with all her heart and soul and is pissed again. So now she is gone yet again. WTF? She tells me she could never be with anyone but me and wants to be my wife someday and wants children with me. Before I asked her the questions about the other guy she seemed as though we could work on things but now all is lost yet again....

 

Back to total NC again. Someone please help me understand why she even bothered to contact. Was it just because she was away for the holidays and bored? Does she truly love me as she said. I asked her how she knows she loves me with all her heart and she said it was a feeling inside. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!! What to do?

[Rooster_DAR]

So she contacts me and I guess I blew it. I asked her questions about the guy she was hanging with and she denied things that I had concrete evidence about and got mad that I don't trust her. But she has done nothing but lie about stupid stuff all summer. So why would I believe her over something bigger. So she gets mad and claims I was never jealous so why now. She tells me she loves me with all her heart and soul and is pissed again. So now she is gone yet again. WTF? She tells me she could never be with anyone but me and wants to be my wife someday and wants children with me. Before I asked her the questions about the other guy she seemed as though we could work on things but now all is lost yet again....

 

Back to total NC again. Someone please help me understand why she even bothered to contact. Was it just because she was away for the holidays and bored? Does she truly love me as she said. I asked her how she knows she loves me with all her heart and she said it was a feeling inside. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!! What to do?

 

Jesus, this is exactly what I'm going through with mine. My fiance is doing the exact same thing, saying that I'm her true love and we are meant to be. Yet, when we get together it's the same old dance again. She is confused, and very indifferent. In my case, she has admitted to the affair and said she is in a relationship with this buy (Can you belive that, after five years of being my fiance?). Anyway, she kept making promises and using words, but I finally decided that she is too confused and I'm not going to sit around and hurt for her anymore.

 

Perhaps your S/O is truly confused, or perhaps she is selfish and thinks she can have both. The only true factor here is that it's hurting you, and at some point you are going to have to start thinking or yourself. Believe me I know it's hard, I've been fighting for my S/O for almost a year know and I am just tired.

 

Regards,

[che_jesse]

Point is, i'm doing NC, but i think she believes oh well, he didn't care about me in the first place and he's acting like a jerk, by ignoring my calls, not calling back and not calling me blah, blah blah.

 

I know thats how I would feel if someone tried that bs with me. NC should be reserved for when you are ready to move on with your life and do not want that person in your life anymore.

 

When you start using NC along with that stupid stupid pile of crap that is that 38 point list or whatever as a means to get your SO back you are doomed to failure. Emotional manipulation is never the answer, honesty and counseling are.

 

Please people, start talking to your partners and stop trying to find ways to manipulate or trick them into taking you back. You owe them honesty if you claim to love them as much as you do.

 

Think about how awful you would feel if you knew someone was sitting around plotting ways to ignore your feelings and trick you into doing something by lying to you.

[ImInPain]

I know thats how I would feel if someone tried that bs with me. NC should be reserved for when you are ready to move on with your life and do not want that person in your life anymore.

 

When you start using NC along with that stupid stupid pile of crap that is that 38 point list or whatever as a means to get your SO back you are doomed to failure. Emotional manipulation is never the answer, honesty and counseling are.

 

Please people, start talking to your partners and stop trying to find ways to manipulate or trick them into taking you back. You owe them honesty if you claim to love them as much as you do.

 

Think about how awful you would feel if you knew someone was sitting around plotting ways to ignore your feelings and trick you into doing something by lying to you.

 

 

Well Che_Jesse Im sorry you feel that way but how about the manipulation of contacting me after 2 months on thanksgiving when she initiated NC and telling me she loves me and wants to be my wife someday. You are welcome to have your own opinion but you are wrong. NC helped me and now I am stronger and that's what it's for. I did not do it to manipulate. I believe it makes them miss you and think about you.. That my friend is not manipulation that is letting them get in touch with there true feelings when they are confused.

 

Don't post your BS about the 38 point list because for some it works. Get over yourself you don't know everything and every situation is different. I asked mine to be honest and I was honest and wanted counseling together. She was not ready. We both are going to therapy on our own however. People need to do whatever they feel works for thier own individual situation so if NC it is so be it. It works so don't knock it.

 

To everyone else HELP I miss the hell out of her and am back to square one. Oh well more drinking time for myself. Che_Jesse DRINKING WON'T HELP EITHER BUT I LOVE IT...... drunk IN NY .......

[Winfield]

No contact works for me too...but only for the purpose of moving on, not "living in hope" that an ex will come back

 

Besides, who's to say after a split that you'd want them back anyway, eh?

 

The way I gauge it is this: if things were so "great" and "perfect" for a couple first time around, what reason(s) did they have to split up?