Dee Posted June 6, 2002 Share Posted June 6, 2002 I met this man on the internet and it sure sounds stupid, but I fell in love with him. I never met him in person, but I'm sure he is adorable. He is smart, honest, good looking. Of course I never told him that. He treats me like a friend, not any more than just friend. Or at least that is what he shows me. His wife divorced him, and his girlfriend left him, both cheated on him. May be he is afraid to get personal with a woman after what happened to him? Or may be he really doesn't want anything more than friendship? It would be o.k. if my heart wasn't tearing apart thinking of him every day. Waiting...for what? Should I ask him? How should I ask without looking needy or too straightforward? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 6, 2002 Share Posted June 6, 2002 You have a lot of questions you should be asking this man, not us here in a forum. We have no idea what's going on in his mind. This is something you need to do for yourself. Get it straight and get it straight today. Ask this man just where his head is at regarding the two of you and by all means do tell him that you are developing feelings for him. If he lives very far away from you, having a relationship will be very impractical. He may be quite puzzled at how somebody could fall in love with him without ever meeting him and that may frighten him or turn him off...but you HAVE to find out. You don't need to waste precious minutes developing feelings for somebody who will never be there for you and who may be moving in another direction. As a practical matter, you are basically in love with an image or an idea of what this man is all about. If you can't meet him in person within 30 days of today, forget him and cease all communications. It's very possible that the chemistry will not be there in a personal meeting. It could also be that some sort of neediness on your part is directing your imagination to the realm of romance when this is not called for. Right now, you are playing with your mind in all this. Talk to the man, OVER THE TELEPHONE OR BETTER YET, IN PERSON, as soon as possible and get all your questions answered. No matter what he says, if you can't convert this online relationship into an in-person relationship very quickly, cease it. It seems you may be incapable of just being his buddy. It appears that's all he's looking for at present but find out. Don't jerk yourself around any more in this matter. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted June 6, 2002 Share Posted June 6, 2002 I'd have serious reservations about "falling in love with" someone I haven't seen up close and in person, and even then it's hard to know if you're really "seeing" that person as he/she is ... I'd also listen with a grain of salt about the tales of him being left by or cheated on by his exes. Chances are, it may have happened, but I don't think it was independent of anything he did or said or how he is. You know the old saying, there's more than one side of a story. I think internet relationships leave people more open to vulnerability than usual, because it's so easy to create a personality, to be someone you're not, when you want to impress someone. If you can, meet him and get to know him better before handing over your heart completely. Maybe he IS a great guy in need of a good woman, but then again, maybe he's not. Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted June 6, 2002 Share Posted June 6, 2002 Anyone can be anyone they want on the internet. I've been burnt in the past with this, and told myself not to trust someone unless I was given proof. Maybe you could do a little research about him online, or search for his email address and see which sites he posts at or if he's into anything bad. It's just really hard to trust someone that you have never seen. The bottom line is... You can't. Could this all be true? Yes. Could this all be completely false? Yes!. Just remember, out here he's just a bunch of 1's and 0's. Anyone could be behind this. Trust me, the research part pays off. I always have proof lined up to prove who I am, and that I'm telling the truth. You need to be careful. About asking to see him, make sure you see him in a public place. Find out who he is, and what is going on. It takes a long time to know about someone, and the internet alone tells you nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Dee Posted June 6, 2002 Share Posted June 6, 2002 Appreciate it if you could tell me how I can do the research on the internet about him. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted June 6, 2002 Share Posted June 6, 2002 is that your waiting to meet him. Because you two have carried on this FRIENDSHIP so long now, it would be abnormal to meet or at least pick up a phone. I would ask for his number and call him right away. From there you will be able to tell allot more about him as a person rather than a computer screen by the sound of his voice. How can you fall in love when you cant hear his voice or his breath in your ear. I don't think your falling in love with him, because all your doing is talking to a screen. You might as well date your computer, kiss it, love it and marry it. Seriously, call the man. Ask for his digits the next time you hear from him. Now I can tell you I made friends with someone on line who also lives in the same city with me and when I asked for his number he made excuses and I never heard from him again. Which ultimately made me think that the person had something to hide. So if he gets squeamish when you ask him, be on guard. Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted June 6, 2002 Share Posted June 6, 2002 Try searching for his email on http://www.dogpile.com Also search for his screennames there. - Read his profiles, check to see if he has a webpage - Search for his real name, or if you have it, put it into the dogpile again. - It seems simple, but it has done a lot for me. It doesn't always work, but it's a start. Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted June 6, 2002 Share Posted June 6, 2002 Make sure you research this guy before you call him or he calls you... It is VERY easy to get someone's address with just a phone number! Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted June 6, 2002 Share Posted June 6, 2002 Also try http://www.publicdata.com. It costs a fee, but you can find out if he has had any criminal convictions, lawsuits against him, been divorced, basically anything that would be in the public records, etc. How long have you been chatting on the Internet, and don't you find it strange that he hasn't tried to at least talk to you on the phone yet? You could very well have different intentions on where this is going. You need to talk to him ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
Dee Posted June 7, 2002 Share Posted June 7, 2002 I talked to him, when I asked about being just friends or more in future, he said I'm too pushy. Then he said I was trying too hard with him, and he wanted it to be light and fun. I really didn't bring this stuff up until now. It was light and fun, but like you said I had to know where it is going. Because he was behaving absolutely indifferent and cold, and even being on line it just seemed odd to me. Finally he said he had a feeling it cannot be more than friendship, that's the feeling he had. I just hope I didn't push him to say that by asking those questions. It's hard, but at the same time why prolong suffering. Could it end any other way if I pretended everything was o.k.? I know people who found each other through the internet. Naturally you don't know a lot about the person you are talking to, but at least you know if you are interested, if you would like to meet them in person, right? May be I shouldn't have asked anything? Why did he say I was pushy when I asked a simple question about this being only friendship, or if he thought it could be more in future? Did I spoil everything or was it the right thing to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Dee Posted June 7, 2002 Share Posted June 7, 2002 First thing he said, he would come this summer if he can save enough money, if not, in the end of the year. When I offered to pay half of the trip, he said, he cannot accept that. And then he said he can find somebody at the area where he lives. And finally he said he had a feeling we cannot be more than friends. Then why did he want to come in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
Ed Posted June 7, 2002 Share Posted June 7, 2002 Forget him Dee. You didn't mess up by asking him about his feelings toward you. You found out exactly what you needed to know. Now move on to someone who is interested in more than friendship if that's what you are looking for. The guy was pulling your leg when he said he might go see you this summer or later in the year as evidenced by him refusing your offer to pay half his fare. He would have probably also turned you down if you had offered to meet him halfway with each of you paying your own way (which actually is about the same as you paying half his way to come see you). Anyway......you can keep him as an internet friend if you want, but it is very unlikely there will ever be anything more. Sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts