flowerfairy142 Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 Hello, I hope to reap up as much advice as possible about my current situation. Thanks in advance. My boyfriend proposed to me on Thanksgiving...well, at least he gave me a ring. It is a lovely ring but it isn't a solitaire. It's a ring designed with 23 diamonds weighing a total of 1/2 carat, in white gold. I commented to him after he gave it to me that it's lovely, but how come he didn't get me a solitaire. He said he didn't want something so "plain" so he chose this one. I didn't want to say anything else so as not to make him feel bad and ruin the day but the thing is, I've always dreamed of a solitaire diamond engagement ring. I just don't know how to approach him that even though I like the ring, I've always dreamed of a more traditional engagement ring. And he certainly can afford to get me something I'll love. I just don't know how to approach him without hurting his feelings. I'm trying to get used to this ring... but I feel I need to love a piece of jewelry that I'm gonna be wearing for the rest of my life. I have a few people tell me that the ring they're wearing isn't the original one...that they've gone with their fiances and exchanged it. I just want advice on how to approach it delicately so in the end we're both happy. Thanks!! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 Hrmmm...you may or may not get flamed for this. Not sure yet. Here is my take: your boyfriend (fiance) was thoughful enough to buy you something unique. You don't find many men who care about "unique." I would consider this before I started complaining about the ring he bought me, if I were you. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Solitaires are boring as hell. And isn't it just a tad shallow to spend your whole life dreaming of a RING instead of the man who gives it to you? I think as you mature you'll realize how common and dull solitaires are and be grateful you have a guy with some imagination and style. Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 My boyfriend proposed to me on Thanksgiving...well, at least he gave me a ring. It doesn't count as a proposal because you don't like the ring?? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Tell him that you love him and you appreciate him picking out the ring, but that you have your heart set on a solitaire. Suggest going together to pick out a new ring. His feelings are going to be hurt no matter what you say or do, so be sure you throw in there how much you love and appreciate him and what he did. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Maybe you could wear the ring he gave you as a wedding band with your solitaire. It might soften the blow a bit if you tell him you've secretly wanted a solitaire, but you still like the unique ring he gave you and you'd like to wear it as your wedding band. It's a bit flip flopped, but that way you won't be replacing the ring he chose, and you can still get what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Maybe you could wear the ring he gave you as a wedding band with your solitaire. It might soften the blow a bit if you tell him you've secretly wanted a solitaire, but you still like the unique ring he gave you and you'd like to wear it as your wedding band. It's a bit flip flopped, but that way you won't be replacing the ring he chose, and you can still get what you want. This is a wonderful idea Guest. She can explain that she loves and appreciates the ring and ask if it may be the wedding band instead. I'm just curious about what the OP mean by "My boyfriend proposed to me on Thanksgiving...well, at least he gave me a ring." Link to post Share on other sites
haliamm Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Just be happy that he took the time to pick a unique ring for you. You might hurt him by telling him that you don't like the ring. Believe me after you realized what he just asked you, the ring wont matter, what matters here is that he wants to marry you, that he wants you for the rest of his life. Link to post Share on other sites
adnCat Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 Just be happy that he took the time to pick a unique ring for you. You might hurt him by telling him that you don't like the ring. Believe me after you realized what he just asked you, the ring wont matter, what matters here is that he wants to marry you, that he wants you for the rest of his life. Hi everyone "Guest" here. (I didn't log in last time I posted.) Anyway, I think if you are going to get married, you are going to have to learn to be open and honest about your feelings. Keeping things bottled up is usually not a good idea. You might start to secretly resent him for not being able to read your mind and know that you wanted a solitaire. Of course, it is stupid to think that anyone should be able to read your mind, but I know lots of women who expect this kind of intuition from their boyfriends. Most guys I know want to pick a ring that their partner will be proud to wear. This doesn't mean that the girl who doesn't think a ring is neccessary is any better than the girl who wants a sparkly solitaire. This is all within reason, of course. The girl who wants a two carat honker who's boyfriend cannot afford it or doesn't believe one should spend so much on a ring is a problem. If you want a solitaire and he has no moral dilemma with putting out money he has for such a ring, tell him you want it. Men are usually NOT good at picking up hints. Chances are, this isn't going to be the first time he disappoints you (or you disappoint him). I think when this type of thing happens, it is something you should both be open, honest, and even proactive about. Tell him you are excited to marry him (if it is true) but always wanted a solitaire. I'm still suggesting my original idea. Suggest you get a solitaire for your wedding day and you'll end up with a beautiful set, one ring which you picked and one ring which he picked. It actually sounds like a beautiful way to symbolize your union, and the honesty you are willing to display and compromises that you are both willing to make for the relationship to work. He might even think that the wedding band symbolizes more than the engagement ring and be happy that the ring he chose is the wedding band. Good luck and let us know what you decide! Link to post Share on other sites
Author flowerfairy142 Posted January 23, 2007 Author Share Posted January 23, 2007 Hello guys, Thank you SO much for the advice. I actually spoke to him regarding my ring and it turns out that it's just a "promise" ring...he's going to select a solitare for me and give it to me on our wedding day, as my gift. He said "do you really think I was going to leave you with just this ring?". I was happy and we actually spent time going into jewelry stores and I kept telling him which ones I liked and didn't like so that he could get an idea. Of course the most important thing is actually MARRYING him but I think if I'm going to wear a piece of jewelry as significant as an engagement ring, I better like it! It doesn't have to be a 3 carat "honker" or anything but something classy and to my taste. Link to post Share on other sites
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