delusional

[silentalways]

just thought i would add another co-post regarding my recovery - i have thankfully gotten the help i needed to 'see' that many of my 'beliefs and thoughts' were nothing more than delusional episodes that stem from prolonged substance abuse and seeking treatment [addiction and emotional issues] goes a long way to discovering the 'truth' and getting back on track. i have been blessed with friends and family that care and love me and while it will take a while to earn everyone's trust again - i finally am on the right track after 2 years of being lost. big love all.

[Guest]

i am happy for you, i hope for the sake of this board and all these posters that, you, having admitted a fault, sought help and post your recovery results here on LS speaks much of who you are. on the flip side, had you posted something conta current or abrasive you would have suffered many posters rath, heaven forbid someone uses this forum to voice something positive, hats off to you - later

ps so here you have it, a 'reply'..............

[silentalways]

the delusional part, i mentioned, is simply one piece of the puzzle in my recovery. figuring out i was 'whacked' was the easy part, finding a way out of the real issue, has proven much harder because it is truly tied to something out of my control.

 

see, the abuse it related to selfpunishment which is related to my failure as a soulmate and how my lack of respect for someone led to depression and then addiction and i simply can't forgive myself for hurting this person - i have tried many ways of letting this go [painted a huge picture of our cd cover, tried singing and recording songs she wrote to guide me, written down - and kept - not sent - my sins, and every thing people tell me - but sometimes there is no manual for this stuff].

 

i am not trying to erase her or my mistakes, i am simply trying to find inner peace - and for me that comes from knowing she has healed, has fogiven, and is now happy. so, how does one find that out when that person never wants to see or talk with u again. any wise owls out there with helpful ideas? i know, she owes me nothing and this is not her responsibility - i understand. any positive suggestions folks?

[silentalways]

[COLOR=#373737][FONT=Arial]Update: [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=#373737][FONT=Arial][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=#373737][FONT=Arial]I would like everyone to recognize that at times my posts may seem ALL ABOUT ME - sorry if they come across that way but I think that as we heal we often need to get rid of our bagage before we can 'see' and focus on the other - that's NC is about healing yourself.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=#373737][FONT=Arial][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=#373737][FONT=Arial]I would like to tell you a brief story about when I truly shifted my focus from wanting closure [i didn't get what was actually happening during that time, meaning only this - hurt makes u just a blind as cocaine or booze and while partners do everything they can to help their loved one at some point THEY MUST THINK ABOUT THEMSELVES. my ex and i knew that and agreed that was right. I allowed hurt to blind me of the impact all that had on her.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=#373737][FONT=Arial][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=#373737][FONT=Arial]One day I was driving to IKEA and for some reason that week almost every day the ex and i would be driving and drive by each other and I would see her car, then her, and have this immediate impulse to turn around and talk with her check if she is ok - but I never did that. So that one day, I was at the bank and she and her dad were walking into IKEA and she looked like she needed some assistance - from that day on - I stopped thinking thoughts that she had 'abandoned' me - all she did was get away from a depressed, addicted, toxic emotional abuser - BTW - I am still single if anyone wants a date?[/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=#373737][FONT=Arial][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=#373737][FONT=Arial]Teasing but serious too - knowing that is ME is what lead to the Thursday Run of the Bulls. Quick question - if u knew someone like that, why in the world would u even talk with him?[/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=#373737][FONT=Arial][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=#373737][FONT=Arial]I have been doing lots of research on abuse victims - we often focus on the abuser and neglect the victim - they should be the focus more often because in most cases they are extremely caring, loving, talented people and the only ones that will stick by u and try to help and we always hurt the ones we love most - then regret it forever.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=#373737][FONT=Arial][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=#373737][FONT=Arial]Victims of abuse in all its forms - verbal, emotional, financial, physical, and sexual - are often disorientated. They require not only therapy to heal their emotional wounds, but also practical guidance and topical education. At first, the victim is, naturally, distrustful and even hostile. The therapist or case worker must establish confidence and rapport painstakingly and patiently. The therapeutic alliance requires constant reassurance that the environment and treatment modalities chosen are safe and supportive. first task is to legitimize and validate the victim's fears. This is done by making clear to her that she is not responsible for her abuse or guilty for what happened. Victimization is the abuser's fault - it is not the victim's choice. Victims do not seek abuse - although, admittedly some of them keep finding abusive partners and forming relationships of codependence[/FONT][/COLOR]

[alexa]

Hello,

Thank you for he information you post about how someone deals with addictions and clarify your feelings about your reasons and feelings.

I have not idea how to deal with my youngest brother, who seems to be having a problem with cocaine, today X-Mas eve we received another call from his wife for us to try to talk to him, he missed work yesterday and seems like they have fired him or so. He doesnt want to admit to the problem.

 

Something I know is that the whole family is torn appart, my mom doesnt know about this problem she thinks he is drinking more than he should, I can see her eyes swollen already from crying silently, same with my sister who tells me her stomach is in contant nut as mine is . My two other brothers are very preocupied and we dont know what do. At times i think he doesnt love us enough to see our suffering, but I know I am selfish thinking like this.

 

i wish we would be in the process of recovery and be in your shoes saying also he has gotten over this addiction.

 

Thank you for posting your positve comments in a time like this, it gives me hope that maybe we can also lift someone else who is dealing with a love one in crisis. Its very hard and nerve racking right now.