Guest Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 This is the situation I am in, told the ex we could be friends she dumped me, I would like to work things out with her. Anyone ever stay friends with an ex and have things workout?
Giver Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 To be honest I don't know...I'm in the same situation at the moment. I broke up with my ex about 5 months ago and we've been trying to be friends but it's too much for me. I'm about to go into NC for a few months and see if the friendship will survive it....it takes time, it's hard.
FallenTree Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 My ex and I recently are not talking...it was too hard for him to be friends, and it was getting that way for me too. An ex from 6 years ago and I are still friends, but it took some time. I remember he, just like this recent ex, told me he thought we should not talk/no contact for a while, because it was so hard for him. I used to think being friends post breakup works just fine, but I think it initially takes some time apart.
Double D Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 I just broke up with my girlfriend of 4 months, a month a go. We both like each other but the relationship was complicated. We decided to remain friends. I was determined as was she I think to really try and stay friends. It has become very difficult now for us to have a decent conversation let alone see each other and now havent not contacted each other for over a week and feel that this is a taste of whats to come. As I am going through this I think it is best not to contact each other intially and have time to get over sadness of your break-up. Maybe with time you can stay friends. I think that is what I am going to try at least.
Sadcakesleo Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 yes you can. About three years ago I ended a 4 year relationship with someone. Actually just today I talked to her. We are pretty good phone buddies and I'm cool with it( I thought my life was over when we split). Shes happily in a relationship for 3 years and I'm okay, although my two year relationship I'm in now is in the process of being destroyed.
snowdiamond Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I guess anything is possible, but I would like to know if being friends with an ex is more possible if the break up was amicable?
Naive Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I honestly think that most of the time it does not work out. If the break up happened recently there, most likely, will still be some feelings involved whether it's love, resentment, etc. Sometimes you have to let time pass and then try to be friends, but that does not mean it will work out. It also depends on the motives of the break up. In most cases, if you broke up it's because something went wrong in the relationship and you no longer could be in it. What will make a friendship work between you then? Also, once one of the two gets another partner it's going to be ackward for you guys and even more for the new partner. I guess there are just too many factors!
tinabean Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Whether the breakup was amicable or not, it seems time takes care of everything. Trust me, after a certain amount of time, you'll barely care if your friends or not...but you must give it enough time of nc.
CaliGuy Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 You can not be friends with someone you are in love with. It only delays your healing and will keep you in depression. Why would you want to stay friends with an ex? What's in it for you? They're not going to be what you'd call a typical friend. The only reason to even think about being friends is for a second chance and if you are pining for them, it's never going to happen. You need to show them what life is like without you and that means disappearing from their life. I find that most exs who want to remain friends do it to relieve their own guilt and in some cases, keep you on a string. If you want to be healthy, move on and find someone who loves you it's best to keep your ex a part of your past. I just don't see the point of trying to be friends until you are completely indifferent towards them and even then you probably won't really want to be friends anyway. Especially if you start dating someone else.
Buttaflyy Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 It's possible to be friends with an ex. I am good friends with exes but the only time this works is if it is a mutual breakup. I don't think it works if there is a dumpee in the equation. At least, not until they're over you and the breakup. It's not fair to push a friendship on your gf. Give her time and space and let her come to you when she's looking for a friend.
KittenMoon Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 In reality, you can be anything you want with an ex, if you're willing to put with the consequences of it. Ok, maybe that's a bit cut and dry, but I've seen "friends with my ex" turn into everything from bitter to amicable to close longstanding friendships to reconciliation.
Mazellan Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I am very good friends with my ex of 23 years. It took about a year and a half, and neither myself or our kids are included in her new partner's life, but we see each other about once a week, go for walks, have coffee etc. I'm always inviting her to social events, but so far she has declined, she doesn't feel comfortable around my new social circle, for some reason. On the other hand, I had a brief relationship earlier this year, and I made it clear that if it didn't work out we would stay friends. Well that's proving almost impossible, she ended it, and I was heartbroken, and try as I might I can't get the feelings for her out of my head. Probably will in time.
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