Does anyone ever stay friends with an ex and have things workout?

[Guest]

This is the situation I am in, told the ex we could be friends she dumped me, I would like to work things out with her. Anyone ever stay friends with an ex and have things workout?

[Giver]

To be honest I don't know...I'm in the same situation at the moment. I broke up with my ex about 5 months ago and we've been trying to be friends but it's too much for me. I'm about to go into NC for a few months and see if the friendship will survive it....it takes time, it's hard.

[FallenTree]

My ex and I recently are not talking...it was too hard for him to be friends, and it was getting that way for me too.

 

An ex from 6 years ago and I are still friends, but it took some time. I remember he, just like this recent ex, told me he thought we should not talk/no contact for a while, because it was so hard for him.

 

I used to think being friends post breakup works just fine, but I think it initially takes some time apart.

[Double D]

I just broke up with my girlfriend of 4 months, a month a go. We both like each other but the relationship was complicated. We decided to remain friends. I was determined as was she I think to really try and stay friends. It has become very difficult now for us to have a decent conversation let alone see each other and now havent not contacted each other for over a week and feel that this is a taste of whats to come.

 

As I am going through this I think it is best not to contact each other intially and have time to get over sadness of your break-up. Maybe with time you can stay friends. I think that is what I am going to try at least.

[Sadcakesleo]

yes you can. About three years ago I ended a 4 year relationship with someone. Actually just today I talked to her. We are pretty good phone buddies and I'm cool with it( I thought my life was over when we split). Shes happily in a relationship for 3 years and I'm okay, although my two year relationship I'm in now is in the process of being destroyed.

[snowdiamond]

I guess anything is possible, but I would like to know if being friends with an ex is more possible if the break up was amicable?

[Naive]

I honestly think that most of the time it does not work out. If the break up happened recently there, most likely, will still be some feelings involved whether it's love, resentment, etc.

 

Sometimes you have to let time pass and then try to be friends, but that does not mean it will work out. It also depends on the motives of the break up. In most cases, if you broke up it's because something went wrong in the relationship and you no longer could be in it. What will make a friendship work between you then?

 

Also, once one of the two gets another partner it's going to be ackward for you guys and even more for the new partner.

 

I guess there are just too many factors!

[tinabean]

Whether the breakup was amicable or not, it seems time takes care of everything. Trust me, after a certain amount of time, you'll barely care if your friends or not...but you must give it enough time of nc.

[CaliGuy]

You can not be friends with someone you are in love with. It only delays your healing and will keep you in depression.

 

Why would you want to stay friends with an ex? What's in it for you? They're not going to be what you'd call a typical friend. The only reason to even think about being friends is for a second chance and if you are pining for them, it's never going to happen. You need to show them what life is like without you and that means disappearing from their life.

 

I find that most exs who want to remain friends do it to relieve their own guilt and in some cases, keep you on a string.

 

If you want to be healthy, move on and find someone who loves you it's best to keep your ex a part of your past.

 

I just don't see the point of trying to be friends until you are completely indifferent towards them and even then you probably won't really want to be friends anyway. Especially if you start dating someone else.

[Buttaflyy]

It's possible to be friends with an ex. I am good friends with exes but the only time this works is if it is a mutual breakup. I don't think it works if there is a dumpee in the equation. At least, not until they're over you and the breakup.

 

It's not fair to push a friendship on your gf. Give her time and space and let her come to you when she's looking for a friend.

[KittenMoon]

In reality, you can be anything you want with an ex, if you're willing to put with the consequences of it.

 

Ok, maybe that's a bit cut and dry, but I've seen "friends with my ex" turn into everything from bitter to amicable to close longstanding friendships to reconciliation.

[Mazellan]

I am very good friends with my ex of 23 years. It took about a year and a half, and neither myself or our kids are included in her new partner's life, but we see each other about once a week, go for walks, have coffee etc. I'm always inviting her to social events, but so far she has declined, she doesn't feel comfortable around my new social circle, for some reason.

 

On the other hand, I had a brief relationship earlier this year, and I made it clear that if it didn't work out we would stay friends. Well that's proving almost impossible, she ended it, and I was heartbroken, and try as I might I can't get the feelings for her out of my head. Probably will in time.