Ugh. I'm so frustrated.

[JaimeLynn1980]

Hi. I've been off & on with this guy that plays with my emotions. He's been in an abusive relatioship with this one woman for 4 yrs., who beats him, cheats on him, prohibits him to have any relationships outside herself, (Friends, family) black mails him, & uses her child to her advantage.

 

She is very dangerous, & very manipulative. She has caused a lot of pain on Bryan, & he has several emotional problems. He's very suicidal, feels bad about himself, he let's her do this stuff to her, but he claims he loves her daughter so much, (She cheated on him, had the kid, & he thought it was his, raising it for 8 mths.) & he just doesn't know what to do; he can't manage to leave her.

 

Well, when he's not with her, he's always hanging out with me, & I've told him that I've cared about him, & he insists on how anyone can, & he refuses to commit to me, but he still gets jealous when other guys hit on me, or when I talk about other guys, & we do sleep with each other, he always wants to be with me, etc. We were in a relationship, he just couldn't bring himself to admit it.

 

He has told me that he doesn't want to be in another relationship, then there are times, when he's been away from Jean for awhile, he begins to open up; more comfortable with the idea, & we grow even closer, then she calls him, & it's back to the beginning. He sometimes jokes around with me, & he says things that hurt, & he says that it's just joking, but I've told him that it hurts, & he lays off for awhile, then goes right back to it.

 

Sometimes, I feel as if he gets off on hurting me at times; like he gets some power trip from it, & thrives on hearing me care about him. Why would he do that? He keeps going back to Jean, which hurts me really badly, & he's done a few things that have really hurt me. In the beginning, he was crazy about me, & I didn't like him, but as soon as I showed that I cared, he started to push me away, & get kind of cruel, but at the same time; he wasn't. He just appeared confused, & when I'd mention a commitment, it would really bother him, & he would say that he was really screwed up in the head, & he couldn't handle on right now due to Jean, & how she has made him feel.

 

There are times when he has cried, & told me that he thinks I'm such a sweet girl, & he says, "I hope you know that I didn't mean the stuff I've done. I'm just screwed up, I'm so screwed up, I don't know what to do." I've been the best healer imaginable to him, & as he knows me more, & more, he opens up more & more. And in the beginning, he never told me in any way that he cared about me, drunk, or sober, just push me away, till recently, he told me that he loved me when he had been drinking; he straight out said it at a party, then one time in my room, saying if anything happened to you, or me, I want you to know I love you.

 

Well, then he turns around & hurts me; & just recently, Jean found out that we were 'friends' & has threatened me, & tells Bryan not to go anywhere near me. He's scared to death of her, so he listens to her. Well, I'm sick of waiting on him, & I want to end it completely; make him choose between her, & I. He's also a bad alcoholic, & I just wish he'd get some help before he lets Jean completely destroy him. Why does she treat him this way? Does she really love him? I think he's got a codependency problem, & I'm just giving up on trying on him.

 

I've given him more love than anyone, & all he can do, is hurt me. The question I have, is does he really love me? Does he care about me at all? Why would he want to be with her? How should I go about this letter, & do you think that he'll start respecting me more, & see what he lost if I toughen up, & tell him I'm not going to take this anymore?

 

I love him to death, & he is an amazing individual, he's funny, sensitive; & when he's been away from her for awhile, he starts to get a lot better; begin to enjoy life, & begin to 'commit' to me, but as soon as she comes along again, he's back to pushing me away; back to hating himself, & back to hurting me.

 

What do you think is going on? And do you think I made any impact on his life? I feel like I wasted a whole year & a half on him. I also erge him to get some help, but I don't know how to approach that. Can someone help me with these questions?

 

(Edited to create readable paragraphs)

[Ed]

You don't need help with any of those questions. What you need help with is how to get the hell away from this guy.

 

I think you need to quit seeing him and quit talking to him for some time. He is living the life of a looser. Do you want to live the life of a looser too? If you don't, then cut him out of your life and keep him out for at least 30 years or so. This guy has so many problems. Even if he did stop seeing the other woman I don't think he would be fit to date.

 

I know you don't want to hear this, but you really need to stop dating him and make yourself available to other guys that aren't mixed up in the head or mixed up with other women, much less both.