doglick Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Im in same boat.. She said that to my 2 weeks ago .. 11 years wow. the difference is my wife i think is depressed your is not. Mine doesn't talk to anyone about this ,she keeps it inside. Mine acts same around the house and with me laughing and we still go out ,but no affection and no sex. Steve weather your wife is gay or having an affair doesn't matter. Do what i did .. get your affairs in order and suck it up. No crying and give her space.. Act like you don't give a ****, i know it is hard im there . Don't groop her ,and trust me mine a knock -out but control is key. No drama at all. I'm going on a 10 holiday with mine and my son.. **** me this will be interesting.. Stay strong is key. Link to post Share on other sites
bit11 Posted December 16, 2006 Share Posted December 16, 2006 my wife is the same not in love with you. my marriage is only 6 lousy months. i talked her into some closer today, i just want to get this over with recover and move on. i just can't see trusting anyone again, and this sucks because i really would like a family. i def. am not paying for another stinking wedding. never again, i will elope. how embarassing 300 people wedding and there gifts barely even opened. we have not even gotten all the wedding pixs back. how can you fall out of love before the pixs come. shut out is the word she uses. whatever the hell that means. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted December 16, 2006 Share Posted December 16, 2006 my wife is the same not in love with you. my marriage is only 6 lousy months. i talked her into some closer today, i just want to get this over with recover and move on. i just can't see trusting anyone again, and this sucks because i really would like a family. i def. am not paying for another stinking wedding. never again, i will elope. how embarassing 300 people wedding and there gifts barely even opened. we have not even gotten all the wedding pixs back. how can you fall out of love before the pixs come. shut out is the word she uses. whatever the hell that means. Dude, I'm sorry about your wife's dispostion. Something just does not add up here. This must be really painful for you, I hope you can get some resolve here. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stevearino Posted December 26, 2006 Author Share Posted December 26, 2006 Well, I made it through xmas! It wasn't that happily though after what I found two days before xmas. I was doing the bills and ran accross a credit card statement in my wifes name. I saw that she got hit with a late charge so i thought i would help her out with it and get it paid. Well as I looked at the statement i saw a purchase for Broadway tickets. They were purchased about a month ago online. So i went into the hidden folders on the computer and pulled up the pages that she visited around the time she purchased them and found out the name and date of the show. Well it just so happens that it is for the night that she is taking the gf out for her birthday. So to keep xmas somewhat normal for the kids I haven't approached her on it yet. The gf did stop over on xmas eve and my wife handed her an envelope and my wife couldn't look me in the eyes for the next hour. How should I approach this? I didn't want to ruin xmas for my kids and end up fighting over the holiday. It seems that the trust has now been lost. Thanks and Happy Holidays to everyone, Steve Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stevearino Posted December 29, 2006 Author Share Posted December 29, 2006 Well I confronted my wife on the Broadway Tickets and all she battled back with was why are you going through my Credit Card Statements, I responded to her, that in the past there was never an issue with this and we both agreed early on even before we got married our financial statements are open to either one of us. I told her that this is the first time in the 17 years we have been together that have lost her trust. I told her we cant afford to be spending money like this on her gf. She responded i just wanted to do something nice for her.. The gf gets a $500.00 night out on the town with my wife for christmas and all i get is a new pair of socks! I had a session with my therapist (my wife cancelled her individual session and our couples this past week) who wants me to confront my wife in our next couples session about the relationship between her and the gf. I'll keep everyone posted. Steve Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 Sounds like the girlfriend is more than a girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 30, 2006 Share Posted December 30, 2006 For the comment of - "Its a cold tough world out there, and there are a lot of not so nice people out there just waiting to use and abuse you and throw you under the bus." I have to say- Great way to make her stay...by making her feel your situation is the end all be all of relationships? Your the best she'll ever encounter? No one else will love her the way you do? Good luck finding someone who will put up with you? She might just stay and make your life miserable because she isn't in love with you any more. Would you really want someone there who doesn't love you? Cop out or not, if she loved you, you wouldn't be in your situation and she would give her friend sympathy...not go along with her on the divorce/single thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stevearino Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 It's over! We met last night at our couples therapy session and the therapist started off with talking directly to me that my wife wants to change the focus of the therapy session from working on the relationship to dissolving the marriage. My therapsit said i looked like all the wind was taken out of my sails, i had every intention of repairing this relationship obviously my wife does not. Apparently my wife had a discussion with the therapist in her individual session that she did not want to keep on going on with couples and just wants out of the marriage. I am now facing going through a divorce. Any sound advice on how to go about this? Two small children are involved along with a nice home and of course some debt. Thank You everyone for your support this site has really helped me out. I am here to stay and will try to offer some advice to others as well when I can. By the way while sitting there in the room with my wife and the therapist I yelled out "Thank You and the GF's name". My wife denied she had anything to do with it and the therapist said yes she does based on what she is getting out of both of us. She said she not fully responsible but did play a part. Steve Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Sorry to hear that, Steve. I think if I were you, I'd get a good attorney and make sure I wasn't getting screwed in the divorce settlement. Don't settle for less than 50/50 joint custody with your kids. I hate seeing fathers relegated to weekend warriors. Get what you need in order to prevent that from happening. In the meantime, I wouldn't bother with counseling for the sake of smoothing the transition to divorce. It's not going to be smooth no matter what you do anyway. It's wasted money at this point. Better bet is to enlist the aid of a family counselor that will address co-parenting and the children's emotional health. I think just for the sake of feeling like I wasn't a doormat about the whole thing... I'd make sure that her financial expenditures regarding her "friend" be paid back at settlement. She spent marital assets you could ill afford to lose without your consent... on a person who, as stated by your marriage counselor, was instrumental in the destruction of the marriage. It sounds vindictive, and maybe it is. But if I walk a mile in your shoes... it makes me feel better to know that I'm not paying out of my pocket to gratify someone who hurt me. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 The gf gets a $500.00 night out on the town with my wife for christmas and all i get is a new pair of socks! Yea! Right! I'd be going high and to the right ballistic! This doesn't stand the test of rationality?! WTF? This old boy isn't wise to the ways of New York City, but down here in Alabama someone gives a "friend" a $500 Christmas present? There's some "scroggin" going on somewhere! Just that plain and just that simple! If you're going to hang me, I'll be damned if your going to use my rope! Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 If you're going to hang me, I'll be damned if your going to use my rope! That made me snort out my coffee this morning. Link to post Share on other sites
Summerday Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 I have several good friends, and I don't talk to any of them on daily basis, let alone several times per day.... unless its my "boyfriend". Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Dang Stevearino, sorry to hear that. For you sake, I was hoping I was wrong about the friend and that you and your stb-ex wife would work it out. I think just for the sake of feeling like I wasn't a doormat about the whole thing... I'd make sure that her financial expenditures regarding her "friend" be paid back at settlement. She spent marital assets you could ill afford to lose without your consent... on a person who, as stated by your marriage counselor, was instrumental in the destruction of the marriage. That sounds like a good idea to me. Call a lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
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