What do you do when theres nothing you CAN do.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

So my mom has been to rehab detox and just about every single family member has done an intervention. But nothing helps. She says she drink b/c shes miserable. So she moved. And she's still miserable. I think its an excuse. Theres no reason for her to be miserable for the past 20 something years. She also said it was my dad who made her drink...he's been dead for 4 years. Sound like excuses?

So my question is, what do you do if NOTHING works?

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

MMMMkay....Guess theres nothing.

[Moose]

There really isn't anything you can do.

 

UNLESS, you and your entire family go TOTAL NC with her, all you can do is watch....

 

And I do suggest that you guys do the NC immediately.

 

It may be the shock she needs......

[CrushedOrgans]

There really isn't anything you can do.

 

UNLESS, you and your entire family go TOTAL NC with her, all you can do is watch....

 

And I do suggest that you guys do the NC immediately.

 

It may be the shock she needs......

 

 

last i checked, cutting someone off with no explanation hardly lifted anyone out of depression and alcoholism.

 

if you're planning on NC, warn her first that her behaviour is what will dictate your actions. if she still doesn't stop, the choice is hers and the result lies in her hands.

[Moose]

last i checked, cutting someone off with no explanation hardly lifted anyone out of depression and alcoholism.

Funny......that's what shocked me into sobriety.....go figure....

[blind_otter]

last i checked, cutting someone off with no explanation hardly lifted anyone out of depression and alcoholism.

 

I disagree very strongly. I was an alcoholic for 7 years and my family enabled me. When they cut me off, I had to get sober to save my own life, and that is the only motivation that works with alcoholics, if any.

 

No thing lifts people out of depression and alcoholism, no person, no concept. It is the individual who pulls him or herself up by the bootstraps. It is their own personal effort, and nothing else.

[Zippy]

Ihavenofreakingclue, what makes you think that your mum is lying?

[CrushedOrgans]

I disagree very strongly. I was an alcoholic for 7 years and my family enabled me. When they cut me off, I had to get sober to save my own life, and that is the only motivation that works with alcoholics, if any.

 

i've said i agreed this can work, but only if the person knows explicitly that they are being cut off and why.

 

alcoholics are crafty, and will find a way to explain away anything. if they know what's going on and why, then they can't pretend being cut off has nothing to do with their behavior.

[RecordProducer]

So my mom has been to rehab detox and just about every single family member has done an intervention. But nothing helps. She says she drink b/c shes miserable. So she moved. And she's still miserable. I think its an excuse. Theres no reason for her to be miserable for the past 20 something years. She also said it was my dad who made her drink...he's been dead for 4 years. Sound like excuses?

So my question is, what do you do if NOTHING works?

You reconcile with the fact that you can't help her? She has to want to stop. She needs to understand that life is better without that sh*t. That's how i stopped. I wanted to stop for a long time, but I couldn't. Then I felt that I would ruin my marriage if I don't stop. When I decided to quit, I felt rescued and safe. For the first time in my life, I could trust myself and feel like a god person, not like a damaged and defective creep.

 

It only takes a few weeks to get the booze out of your mind and get used to the fact that you won't be getting high (which is actually low).

 

Ask your mother how she feels when she drinks, what pleasure she receives. I assure you that people who drink want their senses numbed, want to lose control over their lives, but they suffer because they feel like they're not good enough. Drinking makes one gross, unreliable, weak, even sleazy and stupid. Being sober is so much better.

 

You drink because you're not happy and then you're unhappy because you drink, but you think you can't stop. You can. only if you want to. Ask your mom if she wants to quit. If she really wants it, she can. But until she decided to quit, there is nothing you can do to force her.

 

I am sorry you're going through this. I felt so ashamed when my sons would see me drunk. Tell your mom that you want a regular mother that you can rely on.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Thanx all....But my mother doesnt care about anything but drinking...no, honestly. So by us telling her we wash our hand with her, won't phase her. My aunt has done it and she doesnt seem to care. My brother is too busy steeling from her to care and I'm the supportive one whose sick and tired. I've told her many times how it make me feel and she said she doesnt care, she's the "mother" and she can do whatever she wants with out hearing anything from her children. I know, psycho.

She was in Rehab for the 28 days and about a month later she went back..so having the alcohol out of your system means squat. After that, its a psychological problem.

 

Ihavenofreakingclue, what makes you think that your mum is lying?

'bout what?

[Xhie]

Is there anything physically wrong with her? Like depression or bipolarness or whatever, not the bull**** excuse kind that people make up but something physical? Maybe have her checked out for that stuff?

 

But here is what my family does: Whenever we have someone that cant get off the sauce we trick them to going to another country with us, one where you can forcibly send someone to a rehab clinic and commit them. Let them sit out a year and then see how they are feeling.

 

Its worked with 2 cousins and 1 aunt, theres a great clinic in Odessa if you want the name, most doctors speak English now anyway or there is someone there that can. She will have plenty of time to sit, think, and get better.

[silentalways]

i wanted to quit my substance abuse for obvious reasons but i continued to have it tied to 'hearing' that my ex forgave me for becoming addicted and that is just another enabler to continue because i know i will never hear that so - the key is that YOU HAVE TO WANT TO STOP and I do. So, for now on its UP TO ME and no-one else.

GOOD LUCK ALL.

[Zippy]

Thanx all....But my mother doesnt care about anything but drinking...no, honestly. So by us telling her we wash our hand with her, won't phase her. My aunt has done it and she doesnt seem to care. My brother is too busy steeling from her to care and I'm the supportive one whose sick and tired. I've told her many times how it make me feel and she said she doesnt care, she's the "mother" and she can do whatever she wants with out hearing anything from her children. I know, psycho.

She was in Rehab for the 28 days and about a month later she went back..so having the alcohol out of your system means squat. After that, its a psychological problem.

 

 

'bout what?

 

That she's miserable and it's because of your dad.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

That she's miserable and it's because of your dad.

Well that WAS the excuse....Since i was born until the day he died. The she said my brother aggrivated her, so he moved out. Then she said she was loneyly b/c he moved out. Its one thing after another.

Plus she hated my dad and was glad to see him go. But he gave her hard times when he was here so I believed that my dad "made her" drink. Now its still going on with a different excuse wach month.

 

XHIE.....Even if she was depressed, she's to stubbourn to go to the doctor. She thinkg shes perfect and no doctor is going to tell her different. Thats why growing up, when she did something wrong, she's smack us and ground us, B/C she cant be seen as wrong. So when we tell her that she's ruining her life and that it hurts us, she scoffs b/c their can't POSSIBLE be anyhting wrong with her. Difficult, i know

And shes afraid of flying...Can't get her anywhere.