Ha...it actually happened...

[Touche]

My mouth was literally hanging open when I just read that...wow. I have nothing more to say. I'm speechless for the first time. :mad:

[Anka]

Heh, sounds like my ex husband,

 

Trust me, if you dont get away from him it will only get worse, ALL men that do this cuddle you and cry and appolgize. But it only gets worse.

 

Get a PPO and dont tell him your breaking up with him. Tell your family what he has done and take action. If you dont do this, your safety is at risk. These sort of men are unpredictable, and they prey on women in your mental state.

Go with no contact, do not be alone with him under any circumstance.

 

And if you need any help, you can email me....is there a PM system here?

[Trialbyfire]

Yeah well, I'm not feeling anything like you did. I'm feeling like sh*t actually. Feeling... uhm...like I have no control over my own life anymore. Suddenly things become worse and worse. My mum has been given about a year to live, my dad is on anti-depressants, Rhys hit me last week and now this...things are going really well, Walk. Yeah, really well. My life couldn't get any better. I'm f*cking up each step of it obviously...as you all seem to believe...

 

And the feeling doesn't seem to stop....

No one deserves this. Get out before it gets worse.

[alphamale]

that was a nice story L234....next we will hear about a threesome between you, Dane and Pink Amulet.

[ShoeGirl]

and with that, cos he had hold of my head cos he was kissing me, he was about to kiss me but when i said that he grabbed my head and threw it back against the window...I blacked out for a minute but woke up to him cuddling me saying sorry over and over...

 

You don't deserve this... I don't care if it was an accident or whatever, no one deserves to be treated like this!! He smacked your head into the window hard enough for you to black out!! That is totally uncalled for, why are you staying with him? So that you can end up in the ER because next time he went a little further and you didn't wake back up. I know you think that it won't happen but you need to wake up and see the reality! I think I can say that none of us on here want to hear that you ended up in the hospital because of him. If he has hit you twice it will happen again, the first wasn't all that bad, the second was worse, what will happen the next time, or the time after that! (Sorry for the rant)

 

Please just realize that you are WAY better off with out him, you probably don't see it but you are. Everyone on here can see that based on what you have said, all that anyone on here is doing is trying to look out for you.

 

Will you please just think about what everyone on here has said, I know that there have been posts that made you mad, but everyone has said basically the same thing.... Get rid of Rhys, you will find someone so much better who will make you happy everyday, who won't ever dream of hitting you, etc.

 

~SG

[Adunaphel]

It was only twice. He hasn't done it since...

 

The first time was when I was in the car with him and we were driving by this bunch of girls in bikinis and I knew he was about to say something and he did. He winds down the window and yells "Yeah!! Take it off!!' When he got his head back in the car I looked at him and said "Rhys! Don't say that sort of stuff! You know I don't like it! For f*cks sake.." then he turned to me, pulled the car over and slapped me across the leg really hard and said "Don't talk to me like that ever again..." and then just kept driving.

 

And the other time was when he was dropping me off at my house late at night, and I was feeling kinda sick and just not in the mood and when he dropped me off he leant in for a kiss, I kissed him back, gave him a hug and went to leave...he grabbed me and kissed me again...lol, I thought of it as no big deal...I know he's a bit of a frisky fella, so I continued to kiss him back...we got a little heavy and he was leaning across my seat and the back of my head was against the window. I stopped kissing him and I'm like "Mmmmm, I better go now, sweetheart." and he's like "No stay" and tried to kiss me again and I'm like "Awww, I'd love to darlin, but I gotta get up early for work tomorrow and I'm feeling a bit yucky.." he's like "Plleeease stay with me?" I'm like "Awww, I really have to go Rhys, I know I'll be tired in the morning other wise.."

 

and with that, cos he had hold of my head cos he was kissing me, he was about to kiss me but when i said that he grabbed my head and threw it back against the window...I blacked out for a minute but woke up to him cuddling me saying sorry over and over...

 

Christ.

 

Get away from Rhys asap, please.

 

He hit you about ***two minor things a normal guy would not even get upset about***.

If he did not really hurt you it is completely irrelevant.

 

(and you are fooling yourself about that too - you *passed out* when he smacked your head in the window.

 

So he hit you hard enough to seriously hurt you. What if the window had broken???? You'd have needed plastic surgery, and the end of your modelling career would have been the *last of your problems.)

 

You are too young to end up stuck in an abusive relationship. Like other posters said, it could influence your future relationship in a very, very unhealthy way.

 

And stay away from Dane too - he has shown signs of being an abuser too.

If they are friends, perhaps sometimes it's true that birds of as flock fly together...

 

No one should hit you.

No one should sexually touch you while you are asleep or passed out.

 

Forget the cheating.... if it helped you to detach from Rhys, bless what happened!!!!

As long as you get the hell away from him (and do not end up with Dane or some other abusive person!!!) it could really be a good thing that it happened.

 

Please be very careful, take care of yourself.

[Walk]

Not to do it again...what else would I learn from it?? Oh that I'm a dirty whore?

 

That if you don't choose your own path, then life will choose it for you.

 

Not making a choice IS a choice, and it comes complete with consequences and actions that you will still have to deal with.

 

I'm the last person in the world who wants to make you feel like a "dirty whore". I've cheated. What you did pales in comparsion to what I was doing at 27-28. I didn't have the excuse of "I'm only 17". But I did understand that I had to change my life. No one else could do it for me, or tell me anything that was going to make things all better.

 

What I wrote earlier was not to make you feel bad, but to open your eyes to the possiblities of what CAN happen if you choose to do nothing. You still have a choice. You can choose to do nothing, and you will continue being whacked and knocked out by Rhy's. Understanding that the consequences of no action means the beatings get worse. Choosing a different path at least allows you to face the devil on your own terms.

[Ripples]

Read Johan's post again, Tess. I feel it's very important for you to understand where you're at, and Johan's post, I think, is pretty accurate.

Here's what I think:

 

You're scared to break up with Rhys. You've wanted to for a long time, but you can't face it. You made a lot of promises to him and yourself and even here on LS that it would never end. You're scared to hurt him, to be alone, and to be wrong. You might also be scared of how he'll respond.

 

I predict he'll take the breakup ok at first, and then he'll freak out and stalk you for a while. And that will be hell for you. He's not mentally prepared for rejection by a woman. That's just my prediction though.

 

You don't feel guilty because you resent Rhys for all the crap you've been through lately. You secretly feel good about it, because you have so much anger for him stored up. Maybe you feel like you've gotten even. Maybe you're right.

 

You don't owe it to him to tell him about what happened, if you make the break soon enough. If on the other hand you don't break up with him, and you keep this secret, then you're deceiving him.

 

Welcome to adulthood. No serious relationship you have will ever be simple.

 

For what it's worth, I remember making some pretty bad choices when I was 17. Sometimes bad choices come with the territory of youth. However, it doesn't excuse them. It meant for me, and I suspect it will mean for you, that I had to grow up that little bit quicker, I had to start taking responsibility for my actions a little quicker than I would otherwise have. Not that that is a bad thing, far from it. You have the perfect opportunity now to cut loose from a very toxic relationship. If nothing else, you now know that you are desirable, that other guys like you, that finishing with Rhys doesn't mean a big sign will come on saying "Welcome to spinsterhood, Tess!!!"

 

Come on, show some integrity, show some self-worth, show some sense.

[IpAncA]

Rhys did. He's only done it twice... but it didn't hurt too bad and he said he was sorry. He just gets angry. You all know that. He just doesn't know how to control his anger, that's all.

 

I was waiting to hear that he hits you. Now I know why you don't leave. Take Johan's advice and take it seriously.

 

So he doesn't know how to control is anger and thats ok? What else you got?

[lovestruck234]

Well, last night I was up at Rhys' and he was in the shower. I was just flicking through his phone, not really going through it or snooping, I was just playing around with it.

 

Anyway, i managed to stumble across a message that Dane had wrote to the friend that came and picked him up from Rhys' on that saturday night.

 

It read..."come get me now, rhys' girl has just raped me.."

 

Of course, it was meant to be in a sarcastic way (he's like that) but he was basically saying that I had cracked onto him. Yeah...ok...WTF??

 

Anyway, I saw it and freaked and deleted it straight away. It was on RHYS' PHONE!! What if he saw that?????!!! UGHAARGH!!

 

So that means that Dane has told his friend already about it, Daniel. PLus, he's turned it around on ME!! I'm not the one who jumped on him while he was passed out and tried to pork him.....for f*cks sake!!

 

Anyway, nothing has been said about the whole hitting thing between Rhys and I. I had a bit of an egg on the back of my head but it's gone now... *shrugs*, I don't know. Maybe he WAS just angry, or having a bad day...he could have just not thought before he did it then realised afterwards...I mean, he hasn't done it since then. That was nearly 2 weeks ago...

 

I'm just worried about........well, if Rhys found out about Dane and me...I'm scared of him...of what he's going to do...

 

I was laying in bed last night, just thinking, about everything...I think for about 2 hours last night I just laid there thinking. As you get older, you're meant to get wiser right? Well, where the f*ck am I going? I'm not getting any wiser, I'm only making more mistakes.

 

I really would like to see Dane this weekend...NOT so I can hang out with him, so I can tell him exactly how I feel. I was thinking about it last night and wtf is he doing, telling his friend about it? If you do that, you don't go and blab about it, what a f*ckwit!! GRRRR!!! I'm so angry at him, I'm ready to explode at him when I see him!!!!!! Ugh, and for the record, I have no idea why I even DID that with him on saturday....*shudder*, he's like a new-age version of Gollum!

[Walk]

Anyway, nothing has been said about the whole hitting thing between Rhys and I. I had a bit of an egg on the back of my head but it's gone now... *shrugs*, I don't know. Maybe he WAS just angry, or having a bad day...he could have just not thought before he did it then realised afterwards...I mean, he hasn't done it since then. That was nearly 2 weeks ago.

 

So, if my bf slammed me into the wall and I was knocked out from it, then it's ok? Just curious.. I have one hell of a violent temper, my entire family does, but I don't hit people because I'm mad. My uncle however, he used to beat the living crap outta my aunt. Hit her in the back of the head with a frying pan one night. Laid her out cold on the kitchen floor with both my little cousins cringing and crying in the bedroom. Would that be out of line for my uncle to do? I mean.. he "WAS just angry" at her and like you said, she lived.. so no big deal, right?

[allina]

I hope everything works out for you Tess, whatever happened and whatever will happen, but I have nothing more to say, this all sounds too much like a bad soap opera to me.

[lovestruck234]

Well....

 

I don't know, the way I see it, if you don't provoke it, it won't happen. The things I had said to him those couple of times he did it made him mad, so obviously, if I don't make him mad, he won't lash out...

 

I'm worried about this Dane thing now. When I see him next....grrrr!! he shouldn't have straight away, like THAT niht, told his friggen friend about it.....he shouldn't have told anyone. Bet he hasn't told Laura and he doesn't want her to know....

 

WHO THE F*CK does that?????? You don't blurb out about it to the nearest f*cking person....what a knob!!

[lovestruck234]

I hope everything works out for you Tess, whatever happened and whatever will happen, but I have nothing more to say, this all sounds too much like a bad soap opera to me.

 

Thank Allina.

 

I know, it's so hard to believe that things like this actually go on in people's lives, isn't it??

[norajane]

I don't know, the way I see it, if you don't provoke it, it won't happen. The things I had said to him those couple of times he did it made him mad, so obviously, if I don't make him mad, he won't lash out...

 

Provoke it? You said:

 

"Awww, I really have to go Rhys, I know I'll be tired in the morning other wise.."

 

and then he slammed your head into a window hard enough for you to black out. YOU DID NOT PROVOKE IT.

 

His temper is out of control. More than one of us has said that his temper is out of control and it's just a matter of time before he hits you. More than one of us has told you that men do no curse at the women they love, they do not call them stupid, and they do not hit them.

 

When are you going to realize that you are in an abusive relationship and get the hell out? Remember those girlfriends of yours that you told us about? The ones in abusive relationships that couldn't see they were being abused and wouldn't end the relationships? YOU ARE NOW ONE OF THOSE GIRLS.

 

Have you told your parents about Rhys hitting you?

[Touche]

Yes, you're supposed to get wiser as you get older but see the thing is, Tess...you're not OLDER yet! So don't be so hard on yourself that way. You're just starting out. You're on your way to learning some life lessons. It's just so many of us don't want to see you learn them the hard way but it looks like you will have to like so many of us.

 

Now, about this provoking thing. You didn't provoke him to hit you. There's no such thing. And you know, rolling down your window to whistle and tell girls to take it off is a really LOW-CLASS thing to do...especially with your girlfriend is in the car WITH you! Hello? How disrespetful is THAT? What girlfriend, with a spine anyway, wouldn't say anything to that?

 

Besides, like I said there's no such thing as being provoked into hitting someone. Sorry. Do you think I'm always the perfect little wifey? Do you think that I NEVER have said anything in 12 years with my H to annoy him? Did it make him hit me? Of course not. He may have slammed the door and gone out to drive around the block. He's walked out of the room. He's gone outside on the deck. But sorry, he's never slapped me.

 

And my last point is this. I know this is going to come out. He's going to find out and that's why I kept saying I was scared for you and this can be an explosive situation. Do the RIGHT thing and break up with him BEFORE all that happens. What the hell are you waiting for?

 

You ask when you're going to learn. You learn by going out of your comfort zone and DOING something different...not the same things you've been doing.

 

So when are you going to learn and DO?

[Walk]

Well....

 

I don't know, the way I see it, if you don't provoke it, it won't happen. The things I had said to him those couple of times he did it made him mad, so obviously, if I don't make him mad, he won't lash out...

Oh, right. What was I thinking. So next time I piss my bf off he has every right to hit me. Irrational logic. You're scared of Rhy's, so you make excuses. Damn Tess. At the very least, be honest with YOURSELF. My aunt NEVER deserved to be hit. I don't care if she did insult my uncle. He was WRONG.

 

And yeah, Dane shouldn't have done whatever... he's the one at fault. I'm sure you two talked indepth prior to jerking each other off, and you both made an agreement that you wouldn't tell anyone. He broke the promise he made to you.

 

So now you get to hit Dane because he made you angry? Or does that only apply to Rhy's behavior?

 

Listen.. you cheated on Rhy's. You know full well that there was NO agreement between you and Dane to keep things secret. Dane is going to make this out to be all your fault. Your best bet is to disassociate from ALL of these people. Get as far away from this foul mess as you can.

[lovestruck234]

Provoke it? You said:

 

 

 

and then he slammed your head into a window hard enough for you to black out. YOU DID NOT PROVOKE IT.

 

His temper is out of control. More than one of us has said that his temper is out of control and it's just a matter of time before he hits you. More than one of us has told you that men do no curse at the women they love, they do not call them stupid, and they do not hit them.

 

When are you going to realize that you are in an abusive relationship and get the hell out? Remember those girlfriends of yours that you told us about? The ones in abusive relationships that couldn't see they were being abused and wouldn't end the relationships? YOU ARE NOW ONE OF THOSE GIRLS.

 

Have you told your parents about Rhys hitting you?

 

No, I haven't told them. I don't want to. It will just create more chaos, more fighting....and things were just starting to get back to normal again.

 

Because you know the huge argument we had were he said that stuff about my family and how I told mum and dad about it and they said they never wanted him on our property again? Anyway, they haven't been talking to one another and mum came and talked to me the other day and said "Look, if you can see yourselves being together for a while longer, then if Rhys wants to come around here again and be like it was, then I'm more than happy for him to. All he has to do is apologise for what he said and he can come round here like he used to..." so with Rhys about to apologise to mum and dad and things getting back to normal, I don't want to ruin that by letting this out in the open like that.

 

Ugh, my mum said that to me as well about my abused girlfriends, that I'm one of them now....

[lovestruck234]

Oh, right. What was I thinking. So next time I piss my bf off he has every right to hit me. Irrational logic. You're scared of Rhy's, so you make excuses. Damn Tess. At the very least, be honest with YOURSELF. My aunt NEVER deserved to be hit. I don't care if she did insult my uncle. He was WRONG.

 

And yeah, Dane shouldn't have done whatever... he's the one at fault. I'm sure you two talked indepth prior to jerking each other off, and you both made an agreement that you wouldn't tell anyone. He broke the promise he made to you.

 

So now you get to hit Dane because he made you angry? Or does that only apply to Rhy's behavior?

 

Listen.. you cheated on Rhy's. You know full well that there was NO agreement between you and Dane to keep things secret. Dane is going to make this out to be all your fault. Your best bet is to disassociate from ALL of these people. Get as far away from this foul mess as you can.

 

 

I never said I was going to hit Dane. I said I was going to talk to him about all of this. Of course, we made no promises to keep our mouths shut, but you would think any normal person in this situation wouldn't go blabbing within the first 5 minutes. Or, at all!!

 

Really, when soemone cheats.....you're both at fault. The way I see it, Dane and I are both at fault here...

 

I AM being honest with myself....

 

 

 

 

 

Oh screw this, I need to see a counsellor.

[Walk]

Oh screw this, I need to see a counsellor.

 

Sorry Tess.. maybe don't listen to me today... I'm having a crap day too. Though by no means comparable to yours. But I was being sarcastic about you hitting Dane..

 

You should talk to a counselor though. You need someone you can trust right now. And if you can't tell your parents everything, then find someone who you can tell everything to. Perferrable someone who is trained to help people, and not just a friend of yours.

[ShoeGirl]

Why do you think you need to see a counselor? You need to get Rhys out of your life! He doesn't deserve you, you deserve someone so much better. Maybe what you really need is to be single for a while. I know that is hard to think about but being single hasn't killed me yet, and it won't kill you either! You will find someone so much better

[lovestruck234]

I need to see a counsellor to let everything out. I really do...

 

I have so many burdening things inside of me that I don't let anyone know. I just keep them locked away. (Even away from LS!)...

 

It eats you up and eats you up until you can't take it anymore. I'm just going to organise myself someone to see. If it's one thing i can do on my own, then this is it...

 

And it's not like I want anyone to know either. If Rhys found out, he would be so...I don't know how he would react, but he wouldn't like the fact that I went. He made me promise to him that I wouldn't do that, but ugh.....sometimes promises only last so long before the person cracks...

 

It could be the tablets. I had been on anti-depressants for years earlier on, then met Rhys and I went off them....maybe because I was in such a fairytale land at the time I didn't notice how spiraling down I was going and then now I've hit rock bottom?? Without even knowing how I got there??

 

I don't know. I seriously don't know anything anymore....

[alphamale]

I need to see a counsellor to let everything out. I really do....

agreed...you need some serious help L234.

[whichwayisup]

I don't know, the way I see it, if you don't provoke it, it won't happen. The things I had said to him those couple of times he did it made him mad, so obviously, if I don't make him mad, he won't lash out...

 

People can get as mad as they want, but most people I know, no - ALL people I know would NEVER hit out of anger, or hit period. Sorry Tess, but this way of thinking is not healthy. It's wrong, because this means you can NEVER speak your mind with Rhys, incase he gets mad and hits you, so you'll keep the peace and not say too much to anger him. Problem is, he gets angry at just about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.

 

Therapy can help you, not only with dealing with these types of thoughts, but for you to gain your self confidence again, the stuff you used to have before Rhys made you feel bad. You need to find yourself again, get strong so you can get out of this relationship. Dane or no Dane, the problems are there either way.

[lovestruck234]

People can get as mad as they want, but most people I know, no - ALL people I know would NEVER hit out of anger, or hit period. Sorry Tess, but this way of thinking is not healthy. It's wrong, because this means you can NEVER speak your mind with Rhys, incase he gets mad and hits you, so you'll keep the peace and not say too much to anger him. Problem is, he gets angry at just about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.

 

Therapy can help you, not only with dealing with these types of thoughts, but for you to gain your self confidence again, the stuff you used to have before Rhys made you feel bad. You need to find yourself again, get strong so you can get out of this relationship. Dane or no Dane, the problems are there either way.

 

 

But I have nothing to say to him as far as speaking my mind is concerned. There's nothing I need to say to him. And you know why? Because what's the point. Everything I say, I get yelled at or hit. What's the point in that? What's the point in speaking my mind if it doesn't change or fix anything, yet, only making it worse? You tell me....what's the point. Oh, the point is for my own self-diginity, self-worth, self-esteem, self-confidence and all that other crap...well, you know what? I don't think those factors even EXIST in me anymore...so the way i see it, there's no point me fighting for something that's not there, that I can't make happen.

 

 

I am flogging a dead horse, I know it, everyone knows it....

 

Look, ok, I'm a lover not a fighter, as gay as that sounds, it's true...I've NEVER been the type to retaliate bad behaviour, never been the type to go off my head, never been the type to hate, or to argue...

 

I have always been the type to bottle things up, just let thigs slide, not worry about anything....

 

I don't see why I should try and get all this confidence back when it's not even there. What do you need confidence for anyway?