QueenOfDenial Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 I know there are probably women guilty of it too... but would someone please answer me this? If a man says he is happy and loves a woman with all his heart, she is 'the one' he's been looking for his whole life, great sex life, etc., then WHY must he visit chatrooms and try to meet women on sex sites? I found out my fiancee was up to this stuff. I haven't confronted him just yet. I just want to understand what on earth makes someone do this? I found his message archives where he is sharing photos of me and letting other men do disgusting things to my picture and telling them he'd like to watch them with me. At least he lies and says he lives elsewhere and isn't actually trying to make some date with me involved, but still. In some of the messages, he pretends to be me. Why would a straight man want to pretend to be a woman? He's always been a little jealous and always worrying that someone else will 'steal me' away. Why then, would he want to watch other men 'do their business' on my pics and tell him how hot I am, etc. I also found his username for a certain fetish "meet up for sex" site. I set up an account and over the last couple of weeks have been messaging back and forth with him. He has no idea it's me and he's tried setting up 'dates' with 'her' a couple times now. Tonight was finally supposed to be the night. 'They' had planned on getting together at his place. Well, apparently he got worried at the the last minute that he'd get caught and "ruin things with his girlfriend". (me) Posing as this woman, I asked him what would happen if he got caught. He said he'd be dumped for sure. I then asked if he loved her, then was worth it this one night, possibly getting caught and losing her? He replied, "I just can't get caught". Somebody please just tell me to my face that this means that he doesn't truly value me, my love, our relationship and that he doesn't respect me. I'm having trouble facing the reality of it. I don't want to face it. I just want to know WHY men do this? Boredom? Immaturity? Is he probably a chronic cheater? He was married for 10 years before to a woman that he claimed didn't have sex with him for the last 3 years of the marriage and swears he never cheated on her. Why me then when I supposedly make him happy? Link to post Share on other sites
ShoeGirl Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 The reason he did that is not so important, I know you probably want answers and on;y he can tell you for sure... maybe he is immature, or bored, but it doesn't matter. He did it, he is deceiving you into thinking that he wants to marry you and be with just you, and that is not the case. If he is doing this when you are engaged it won't stop when you are married. Be thankful that you found out before the wedding, get away from him, you don't deserve to be treated like that! Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 I know there are probably women guilty of it too... but would someone please answer me this? If a man says he is happy and loves a woman with all his heart, she is 'the one' he's been looking for his whole life, great sex life, etc., then WHY must he visit chatrooms and try to meet women on sex sites? Sounds to me like he possibly lied to you about how he feels. OR it could be he wants that last time to sow his wild oats. Which is really stupid because he should have done that before ever getting engaged. I would have to say if he is doing this now, its highly possible he will do it after married. He obvioulsy doesn't take committment seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
SueBee3490 Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 Somebody please just tell me to my face that this means that he doesn't truly value me, my love, our relationship and that he doesn't respect me. I'm having trouble facing the reality of it. I don't want to face it. I just want to know WHY men do this? Boredom? Immaturity? Is he probably a chronic cheater? He was married for 10 years before to a woman that he claimed didn't have sex with him for the last 3 years of the marriage and swears he never cheated on her. Why me then when I supposedly make him happy? Your fiance and my H sound like the same man. My H cheated on me while dating me all the while saying I was "one in a million" and he was so happy to have found me. He also told me his ex-wife and him didn't have sex for 18 mos at the end of their marriage (she was cheating on him) but he would NEVER cheat on her. I asked this same question as you - then why me? When I am faithful and made him happy - then why would he cheat on me? I guess we can ask ourselves this question a thousand times and we will probably never really know the answer. I've asked him this and he just says "I don't know". Now he gives me the answer that she is the mother of his 2 children and he wouldn't cheat on her because of that. Did you fiancee and his ex have children? Maybe that's what's keeping him from cheating in his mind. Because I can't get past the cheating no matter what his justification or reasoning is for doing it - I'm calling it quits. If I were you, I'd run now and not make the mistake I did in marrying the guy then having to go through a divorce later. At least you know what's he's doing while engaged, I didn't know and married my H only to find out later that he cheated on me while dating me. Sorry but I can't help but feel that a man or woman who cheats on someone while dating them does not love them. I don't know that my H had love for me, I sure know he had no respect for me. I feel if my H had any respect for me he would have chose to quit seeing me if he knew that he wanted to date others and save me the pain, but he also chose to string me along and then crush my heart when I found out. He's not married me me, the same as yours is not married to you - so why wouldn't a cheater just walk away? There are no marriage vows, children, property, etc. I don't understand why someone would put another person through this pain unnecessarily. But if I were you, I'd leave the relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 Are you kidding me?? If he behave this way while telling you you are the one, he's lying to you!!!! If you're the one, he doesn't need to do things like this unless he's just a sex addict or mentally ill. Link to post Share on other sites
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