want some input

[kenji08]

i know that most of these stories probably sound the same to everyone but yea i gotta go thru the whole spill..anyways so i recently broke up with my gf because it didnt quite feel the same as it use to..we were in a long distance relationship..i live in the us she lives in japan..ive known her since i was like 4 yrs old en had a little crush on her back then en she felt the same for me blah blah we ended up getting together online then started dating..i went to visit her this past summer everything was great..came back..it was ok..then before she came to visit me this past october it started feeling like we were drifting..we had some talks about it en i said i wanted to work it out...she did too..then i kept thinkin about it after she left..en i was thinkin about a couple of other girls (my ex en this other chick)..thinkin about wat it would be like to be with them..questioning my relationship..horrible thoughts..so i/we broke it off..she was pretty heartbroken..en then she said she wanted to be friends but couldtn talk to me for awhile cuz she would never get over me..the very next day i felt as though i made a huge mistake but it was too late..she said she had a new outlook on life..hanging out with her friends being positive..said that she learned a lot from me..like i was a life experience..which she was to me but shes more than that..so i told her a couple times that u kno i would wait for her as long as it takes en she said ok well right now is not the time for us..if were meant to be together we will be together..she keeps saying we broke up cuz it wouldnt work..the distance was too much..this is a sign that theres someone else out there for us...i broke down a couple times en called her crying saying i messed up and want her back..i kno bad decision..and im just now trying to stop contacting her...its very very difficult for me..i dont have very much going on for me right now..A LOT of free time..and most of my friends are always working..i just go to school en not working right now..is the best thing to give her time and not talk to her at all for a couple weeks..or can i keep contact with her daily or maybe every couple days and just be friends and stay positive not mention the relationship (i do this now)..or if i could get a females opinion..what if i went en surprised her in japan..would that just make things worse..ive been thru something similar to this before with a past relationship but i didnt feel this strongly for the person..its strange because this relationship was much shorter but i feel very strongly for her..anyways any kind of advice/input whatever will help me out tremendously..also maybe someone could help me witha hobby so i can keep my mind off it!..lol..thanks again

[BannaBee57]

I would leave her alone for a little while. She told you not to contact her because it would make her upset, yet you called her the next day. She needs time to sort out her feelings. Maybe she wasn't willing to take you back then because she was mad that you dumped her.

 

However, I think that when people start to have serious thoughts about being with other people then the relationship is in a bad way. What made you change your mind so quickly after you broke it off? Maybe you should try to move on a bit and date other people. If you still have strong feelings for her after a while then maybe you could contact her and let her know that you still want her back.

 

As far as hobbies go I would pick something that allows you to interact with other people. This way you will keep yourself busy and maybe meet some new friends, etc.

[kenji08]

thanks for the advice...well i think that the reason i was thinking about others is because im the type of person who over analyzes things and i think A LOT..also when i was thinking about other people i think i began confusing lust for love..i was thinkin too physically...but yes i am going to attempt the NC...it is very very difficult but i think i can do it...also i had a question...as i said earlier she lives in japan and i live in the us...if i were to surprise visit her after awhile en let her kno how i felt would this be a bad decision...or could it spark something..cuz i had my ex come back to me from maryland (i live in florida)..out of the blue en she confessed she still wanted me blah blah en it kinda sparked some emotions..but at the time i was beginning a new relationship (the one i am currently having problems with)..but yea..just a thought..anyways thanks again for replying..

[BannaBee57]

I don't know if a surprise visit would be that great of an idea. You never know what you could be walking into. She may be starting a new relationship just like you were before. Imagine how painful this will be for you. And you will be out a whole lot of money for the trip over there.

 

I guess only you can decide how you will proceed though.

[alphamale]

I don't know if a surprise visit would be that great of an idea. You never know what you could be walking into. She may be starting a new relationship just like you were before. Imagine how painful this will be for you. And you will be out a whole lot of money for the trip over there.

great advice BB57

[kenji08]

thanks again BB57...ive thought about the possible outcomes of course...im not saying for sure thats what im going to do...well see later on down the road...its a little bit differnt from most ppl tho..i mean if most ppl get really desperate they can always go see their ex...i cant...when i miss her most en i feel like i wish i could at least see her face i cant..most ppl would think this would be easier to get over..im not very sure...im just at a very low point right now...every night i get emotional sittin in my room thinking about her..cant get her off my mind..its very hard for me...so yea i really wanna see her..but yea i appreciate your input with everything and hopefully everything will work out for me!!