Give it another chance, or let it go?

[Guest]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three months so we're not in a committed or serious relationship yet. Although we're exclusive and make plans for our future, we haven't had "The Talk" yet. He's a commitmentphobe and last week he finally came clean and said he was feeling rushed into a serious relationship and wanted some space to think things through. I was so hurt when I heard that because I have never rushed him, and never asked for more than he was prepared to give. He always seemed really into me and I thought he was prepared to get closer and more deeply involved.

 

Then suddenly, wham! Not ready, feeling stressed over how I seemed to be moving faster than him. In my last relationship, my ex said the same thing, we struggled for a few more months, I was in pain everyday, and finally ended up breaking up. I was very upset and all I could think about was that I really didn't want to go through that again, so I said, fine shall we call it off? He thought about it and agreed that it seemed the best solution. It was so painful that he didn't even ask to hold off the decision for a while, but just wanted to "be good friends like we were".

 

We went our separate ways and I went home and cried my heart out, but a few hours later we spoke and he apologised for hurting me and said he wanted to try again if we could take things slow. He said I meant too much to him to let it go. While he doesn't seem to have realized how much he hurt me, he's doing his best to be considerate, offering to spend time with me even though he still thinks he needs some space of his own, and even wanting to take me on a weekend trip. He also said he doesn't feel rushed anymore and that he felt like he managed to get it out of his system by bringing it out in the open.

 

But I feel that something has changed, I don't feel the same way about him that I used to. Now I see someone who has hurt me badly and I can't trust him not to do the same thing again. It also feels like the magic has gone, I don't get the same warm feeling when I see him. He says this was a step forward for us and will make our relationship stronger if we can take things slow and progress naturally. However I feel that after reality has intruded on our relationship, it'll never be as good or as whole as it was before. I find myself holding back instead of giving out my emotions as freely to him as before.

 

I've never been in this type of situation before and I'm very confused. What does this mean and is it worth carrying on?