Ex-gf drama questions?

[Eric102]

Okay i had a question? when does a ex-gf start taking interest in the persons life. I mean my current Ex shes being awfully nice all of a sudden. When i call her up she picks up right away, which was not like 3 months ago. Its been a week and shes been acting really weird on the phone. Today she kept asking how the girls were in my town or if i was single? can anyone tell me if this is normal for ex's to do? should just let her chase me or just tell her about my feelings?

[WhiteKnight]

It really depends on the person and what did happen between you two.

 

You see, when my last ex-gf broke up with me. She broke up with me because she was 'cheating' and I felt very muchly used by her. In the end, I stop caring and had her blocked on my msn or any chat program I used.

 

In the end, I have been facing myself a similiar case like yours. Despite after the break up, that was like a year ago. My friends have been telling that 'such and such' is lookng for me. Then you have this situation of hearing 'rumours' of that you ex has said and in the end you have to wonder what her intensions are.

 

Some ex-gfs, despite major or minor break ups still do care for the other person and partially still love that guy despite if both sides had fought and argued with one and another.

 

Woman have the tendency to be nice and want something, like to know what's your personal life like. It can be really annoying at times.

 

I have been through it once and I was tired with my ex-gf's mind games. In the end, she drew the last straw and I said nothing but walked off silently.

 

My advice is that, let your ex-gf to chase you. If its something and its really important, she will only be the only person to make the move. Not you, not your friends or anyone. It will be your ex-gf who does make the move.

 

Then if she ever finds you, listen what she has to say and then be honest, upfront and truthful with her in return. If she expresses her feelings, then explain about how you are feeling but nothing harsh, just be honest and truthful.

[Eric102]

i mean i just realized wats the rush anyways. No one is going anywhere so i'll just sit back and watch. THas the best solution for now

[Eric102]

Well let me give ur more info on the break up. This girl that i loved a lot kept telling me that i should start dating around til shes ready for a relationship with me. I told her its annoying that she kept saying it like a broken radio. So I met this girl and she asked me out. I just wanted to see wat my gf would say so i told her about the other girl. I got the picture she told me she doesn't love me or anything. She told me to go out with the girl.

 

THen i told her **** off, u don't love me, now i know. Thas all i cursed at her and told her we r threw. Then one thing led to another and i told her to stop ****ing with my head. She was doing this for the last three months. I finally had enough. I appologized and cryed for cursing at her i felt bad. After that she told me we would be nothing but friends nothing more. I was like thas fine i don't want anything anyways.

 

Then we stopped talking for a week. A week later she called and we started talking and stuff and everything to seem normal. But she kept trying to make me jealous which didn't work out. I stopped giving her all i had i stopped doing everything for her. I would pick up her calls when i wanted to. So two months go by like this and i'm stuck, the supposedly the her best friend who she had feelings for, left her.

 

I don't blame her i was going through a rough time. I didn't treat her right and she didn't do anything anyways either. THen the trust issue came and i was tired of it. So i'm basically thinking wat to do next.

[WhiteKnight]

Yea I can see what you mean Eric. Trust is not always given so easily, in fact its only earned.

 

However it did sound like to me that your ex-gf wanted you to move on because she knew as well as you did, you had hurt each other quite hard and probably didn't want to lose a friendship. But the whole 'being friends' thing, takes awhile to heal and fix in order for it to work out.

 

In fact, the ex-gf who I was with promised me she would not cheat with anyone anymore behind the husband's back but she failed to live that obligation. I fought, argued and even confronted her and her so called 'play mate' from the USA online and told them that was very wrong and they should not do it. I even had threatened my ex-gf that I would tell the husband upfront about it and in the end... after 2 months I did. I pretty much hit the husband with the facts, he didn't believe me of course, he told me to leave and not stay in contact with any of them but the wife has this habit of manipulating the situation.

 

Funnily enough she is still in contact with me, so try and figure that one out.

 

In the end, she confronted me and demanded that I should act like a friend and then I said... "If you wanted me to act like a friend, you stop being unloyalful to everyone and that's why and only why people have disliked you that you are still cheating on your husband, in fact, everyone has told me many things and they hate you to the bone. More importantly you don't care about anyone and their impressions of you, so why we should care in return for hurting any of us?"

 

After awhile, she left all of us alone. The truth of my words and hers was something that did hurt us both, I believe that she is working on trying to be friends with us in the near future but that my friends, is going to take a hell of a lot of work to do, so there is a lot of healing involved - should she want a friendship to succeed.

[silentalways]

i agree with white. if she is the one that left you there is nothing you can do. she is the only one that can decide things. and if she ever talks with you again, listen to her, be totally honest, and let her expresses her feelings, and don't interrupt her. be a gentleman, show respect and understanding, show her thru these things the ways you have made changes to better you life and who knows maybe you two can be friends again.

[Eric102]

no the thing is i pushed her in the relationship. At the end her family was giving her stress and so was i. So basically now shes messing up in school and i'm being polite and listening to her.

 

To me it sounds like she needs help but shes one of those people that will never admit it. I don't mind it man, we all have to move on. But why put ur foot in the door step if your not going to walk through it. She knows i don't want a friendship from her because i have to many feelings involved.

 

Well basically she told my older brother that she wanted to see where our friendship leads us again. I mean we are friends we connect like a couple the way it was before. But its kinda weird so i usually have to back off. I never bring up the past. Their is no reason. She didn't cheat on me though but even she told me in the past that if anything happened between us she would wanna give us a chance.

 

That is why i'm not looking for a meaning but shes just acting weird. I have known her, this is not something she does. It is funny though i didn't answer that question for a reason. She kept asking and i didn't answer it. After that seems like she backed off. I mean i'm already thinking of giving up on this girl. She has strong feelings for me but won't admit it.

[WhiteKnight]

Strong feelings are very mutual to one's person attraction, looks like she really loved you a lot and still likes you even if it were to be in a friendship level.

 

Hmmm, well the trouble is though that many woman or men have trouble admitting if they really still love the person.

 

"It takes two to tango..."

 

But the thing is you have to be open minded to her, if she wants you back you have to ask yourself are you ready to give that second chance? Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

 

However being friends with your ex-gf and forgetting the past is the best thing I can really suggest for you. Mind games can be quite tedious and strainious, also it could drag you both mentally and physically *shrugs*

 

To be honest you could approach her and ask, 'Is there something wrong? Would you like to tell me about it?' Then if she doesn't talk about it, just say 'Well I'm always here for you.'

 

Trouble is if she wants you back she has to ask you about it, and if she is wondering about the friendship and where it leads. Tell her, be honest with your truthful answer on what you would like to see between you two.

[Trialbyfire]

I agree that mind games are exhausting and such a waste of time and energy. Just ask her what's going on.

[Eric102]

look the thing that got me thinking was. If i pull away from this girl i start getting voicemails like "where the hell are you". It is her way of not admitting that she still cares.

 

I mean friends at one place but even she knows she cannot be friends with me. Look i acted like a wuss for three months, no women finds attractive. It was like my life was falling apart. After our break up, i Fixed myself up. I never told her Hey i have changed no. I had to do all from conversations.

 

Now women are confusing lol thas why men have to go on quests to find answers. I mean i'm back to the guy she loved, thas why its messing with her head.

[Eric102]

yeah i have been thinking to ask her, but that is tough to man. Some gurls are not confrontational lol. They can't handle if someone tries to confront them.

 

I mean since our break up i'm more confident and regardless she comes back or not i'm gona pursue my dreams. I told her i got in this ivy league university. By the way she got rejected though. But since i have been having a lot of fun this girl sounds more depressed.

 

I mean when i didn't answer the question of being single she got pissed. After 3 mins she had to go. I haven't spoken to her since then since whenever she calls i'm busy and whenever i call shes busy.

[WhiteKnight]

Have you tried considering getting back to together for dinner to talk things through with her?

 

Perhaps you could look at a way of being supportive to her, encourage her in some way to move on and be strong.

 

Write her emails, she her jokes to reassure her that you still care. I think that's one way of doing it.

[Eric102]

she moved a 100 miles away recently lol yeah that sucks for me.

 

You know the weirdest thing she told me after the break up, "All my friends think your really cute and they have crushes on you"

 

I mean all my friends told me was act cool and i still show i care but not to whole extent dont' want to smoother her.

 

I thought of getting back with her. I mean i am ready to and i'm getting the feeling she is to. But dont' know where we stand. Looking a good way to break the ice in this subject with her

[Eric102]

But for me and her this is our first love and first long term relationship. It is long distance now to. I'm confused because i do love this girl but if i tell her i love her now i'm afraid she will push away? am i right.

 

The thing is do girls come up and tell you straight up about their feelings after the break up. Or do i have to pick up on hints?

[silentalways]

if she broke up with u and u became non-existant in her life and you did everything u could to reconnect, it goes without saying it is up to her to contact u. if u have done the 'work', u will be open to talking and listening to her without any of the past silliness on yer part but usually when someone has done all those things, they are more self assured, confident and have started moving forward and are not 'waiting around' as they were in the past. so, if she has seen changes she must understand that and also be aware of the fact that you have tried communicating and she has shut u out. personally,

 

i just went thru this and to be honest, if my ex contacted me now i would be more than willing to chat with her - two weeks from now, probably not because i am getting on with things. i did the wait and reaching, and you only do that for so long. i am not gonna keep feeling sorry for the mistakes of my past because they are not gonna happen again so i have let that stuff go. frankly, i believe she is doing just fine and probably already dating and enjoying life - which is a great thing. better than dwelling and hoping and waiting on something that is not gonna happen. i finally got with the program - whew!

[WhiteKnight]

But for me and her this is our first love and first long term relationship. It is long distance now to. I'm confused because i do love this girl but if i tell her i love her now i'm afraid she will push away? am i right.

 

The thing is do girls come up and tell you straight up about their feelings after the break up. Or do i have to pick up on hints?

 

To be honest, sometimes with woman they either tell you upfront about the whole thing whenever they are ready. Sometimes they don't bother telling you and decide talking to another person after a break up (usually it happens).

 

Sometimes you may get the hint by they are less talkative to you, trying to avoid or keep distance from you. Or they could be shy, feeling embrassed... can be anything really.

 

Well when this sort of thing happens, try not to push too hard on it otherwise they will feel either you have invaded her space/privacy or want to push you away.

 

If you told her outright that you love her, you might push her back or not. You might be right when you say that but its hard to tell. You could manipulate the situation and say that you have been thinking of her and your emotions for her are not going away, and that you have been thinking about getting back together but you are unsure what her feelings are.

[Eric102]

i know bro, women when u think u understand them. They actually change on you lol so its like u have to stay ahead of the game.

[Eric102]

yeah i stopped trying a while back...but their is something you must know. Grass isn't always greener on the other side lol. So with that i don't know my ex can do wat she wants.

[Eric102]

okay something happened that i wasn't expecting on the christmas eve. I talk to my ex for 6 hours. At one point she cried for me i don't get it. She told me their is someone else in her life but then she told me she doesn't care about him and i have someone in my life that i don't care about them. But she told me she didn't wanna do the same thing she did to me.

 

I poured all my feelings i told her this is the last time i would open up to u . She kept talking this new guy so i was like just have a great life with him and dont bug me. Now actually know she loves me because we talked about 6 hours and she started acting differently. Called me by our nickname or was acting weird.

 

She wanted to make sure if i was okay and stuff. But something happened when i was talking to her, i saw her feelings for me. She still sees a future with me. I was like thas fine i'm going away for awhile anyways so she started crying.

 

In the morning she called me and started acting the way we used to. I asked her last night why we broke up she said she had a lot of issues. So does anyone think i'm on the right path i need answer please read it?????

[WhiteKnight]

Well mate, I dunno if this is the right advice for you but let's see how I go.

 

Sounds like to me, both of you are having issues and you had a break up, now that you are close friends but she still loves you, and you must of still have some feelings for her too.

 

Trouble is that second chance relationships might or might not work out and the friendship that you have might have been destroyed after the next break up.

 

Its good to see that in my opinion, both of you spoke very openly and talked things through but since both of you are attached to your partners, I don't recommend cheating but if you really don't feel the current relationship with your new partners is working out, then do the right thing. However you seem to be on the right track.

 

My best advice is to try and sort things out with your current relationship first, try and make the relationship that you currently have work out. As for your ex-gf, try to convince her with the persuasive part of... "Let's be friends but if our current relationships won't work out, I say let's think about getting back together but talk things through first." (something like that...)

 

But the thing is with your ex-gf, they tend to act all weird on you for some reason. Like all of my ex-gfs do anyways but the thing is that allowing them to talk gives you a fair idea on what they are trying to say.

 

If your ex-gf was acting like what she was before if your previous relationship with her, chances are you would not be able to set her straight the second time. Being friends with her is great in my opinion.

 

Most of my ex-gfs want me to be like that, they either don't have an interest in what you do in your life but they tend to get along with you just fine by acting civil. They may have problems in their lives, but whenever an ex partner tries to reach out for their ex to help them out. Sometimes it doesn't work.

 

Recently there was one time I had that happened recently but I know she lied to me when I did ask if there was something wrong and she said "No", why does it happen? I dunno. But the truth is, it comes down if you want to get back together the second time. Ask yourself that but look it all different angles before you make the choice. You can never be certain that your relationship would work out the second time or can never be certain of anything.

 

Try and see how it goes mate, this is speaking from experience.

[Eric102]

bro i know but i saw the reason why we broke up i asked her. She said she was stupid and stuff and a lot was on her mind. I don't know wat to do cuz i have given the word to someone else to.

 

I know its not something i can just make up mind on. But i know from experience to is some people change some dont'. Basically i'll break it down to u, if i disappear for a week she starts going crazy.

[Eric102]

and her grandmother passed away to and her uncle in a month. So i don't have the heart to be mean now. So if i go to shes going to go crazy. But last night we examined our old relationship their weren't many faults that she found. She told me shes stupid, and she told me she called that guy by my name. She told him about me and he was very jealous.

 

I told her u know wat i'm happy for u and the guy, because if i could trade places with him i would do it in a heart beat. She told me, I have something he does not have. She called me in the morning and kept texting a lot and then i called her at night time and she picked up right away. We talked normaly....i'm taking it slow as possible

[Guest]

my 2 cents.

 

i know all the reasons my ex would be worried about talking with me again and i have done everything in my power to comfort her and reassure her that, if she is with someone right now, that's ok - because we are not a couple. now, do i want that to continue - not a chance. do i hate that she is being initimate with someone? totally. but she's allowed to - we are not together. do i think she is better off with me and could fullfill her dreams with me compared to him? of course, i don't know this guy - i just know i am a super catch for any woman.

 

all i am saying is this - i understand everything that could possible be happening but all that matters is this - either u try or u don't. hey, i was with someone too - but i stopped because she was more important. and if she feels he is more important than that's her decision - but she knows now that i have know for a while now and have told her she has to make a decision right away - if she can't that means he means more. i have worked for this love really hard - one year - it is not wrong to tell her, ok, i know, and have know for a while and u know that as well - so make a decision - no more crap. sounds harsh but she really has to do it. is that the right call?

[WhiteKnight]

Okay this is a great start to hear. Well at least its gives me a clearer idea.

 

Well the best thing I can suggest for now is to hear her out and encourage her to make things work. She would need a friend through this tough time she is having.

 

Looking into the past isn't the best thing, its something that you can recall bad memories and also good memories except usually any issues of the previous ex-gf would be quite harsh. I know you won't live in the past, its best not to live in the past again.

 

This ex-gf of yours does sound very desperate, but try not to do anything rash. Try and stick this on a friendship basis but even if your relationship does not work out with your current ones, talk through... sort it out but if nothing works out, then leave. As for your ex-gf, sounds like a difficulty of letting go and telling the boyfriends about you makes him jealous? Ouch... that means if the boyfriend of hers is jealous, he will feel invaded and not loved. Sounds like a rather delicate situation bro.

 

Try and be friends for now, that's my suggestion.

[Eric102]

See its not even her bf...she hasn't said yes to him in three months. She told me she loves me and i told her i'm involved with someone but i don't care about them.

 

The guy is forcing her to be with him, he tells her he hasn't been with a girl in three years. I mean it pissed me off since thas a cheap thing to do to force a girl. But she still hasn't said yes to him, and when i asked her if they guy is like me why not just go for the original. She goes i know and then i got through her.