where do i go from here

[snootylj]

My husband has been off and on cocaine for two years (more on than off). I was an functional addict, for almost the whole first year, but was able to keep everything together with the family. He went to rehab Feb of 06, and was sober for almost 4 months before the first relapse I was aware that it would happen to test himself the knew after that he would not the able to do it anymore. As every addict he started the downhill slide slowly this time off and on, which I would rarely use with him because of the pain from the year before and I wanted a normal family and life. I was able to keep our life together I would work with no sleep for days, keep up with housework, our son and so on. He is self-employed, which is a major problem with him making his own hours. Anyways he started using on a once a week basis, I thought I could make enough threats he would stop again, it worked for about 2 weeks. Trying to make a long story short he ended up in rehab again and overdosed on vicadin because I filed for a divorce, putting the guilt on me! When he left rehab, I made him live with his parents, get a full-time job and attend regular NA meetings which I would go to with him every night, bdfore I would let him move back home. I LOVE this man so much and he has used again several times since he came out to rehab again, he says it is my yelling and bitching that will trigger him to get high and I know that doesn't help for a recovering addict, but I have so much ANGER inside its hard not to be mad. It has been a month since he came out of rehab and I let him come home, mostly for my son. He is still struggling with the cocaine, we attend meeting everynight and has applied several places for a jobs, just hasn't gotten any responses yet. I have learned alot from going to meetings and am begining to wonder if he will ever get better, I even went as far as turning in his dealer to the police, now I'm afraid he will get caught buying and end up in jail or whatever happens to people who buy. It might be good for him, I don't understand why I can't stop loving this man so much, even after all the lying, taking all our money, and all the pain he has caused me. I have the divorce papers ready to be turned in, I just can't do it I love him, BUT WHY! I know in my head, what needs to be done, I need someone to tell my heart. He will have battle this whole life, if he can just get some soberity under his belt, he was a wonderful man before, can he ever be again. Is divorce my only option left and maybe he will turn his life around on his own and evenually would be able go back to our lives. Should I go my way and let him finally take control over his addiction and finances and suffer the effects of what he does or keep struggling the battle with him? So I would like suggestions divorce or try to recover an addict??????

[magichands]

Should I go my way and let him finally take control over his addiction and finances and suffer the effects of what he does or keep struggling the battle with him?

You sound like a real angel.

 

And a tower of strength for him. Unfortunately he has abused your love time and time again. Enough is enough, I think. He has got to want to help himself. The time for some "tough love" is well overdue.

 

Very sad, though. But you simply can't be dragged down with him - for both you and your son's sake. It really sounds like you did everything - and I mean EVERYTHING - that you could possibly do to help him.

 

You're a very strong woman.