JackJack Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 Help me understand why some people are like this. Theres a buddy of mine, and we have been friends for about 14 years now. He decided about 2 years ago to turn his life around, he wanted to become a better christian. Now don't get me wrong, I believe in God, and feel that I'm a christain and yes I still have alot to learn as we all do. Also I'm not free of flaws or perfect etc, by no means, so therefore as christiains we all make mistakes at times and hopefuly learn from them. But with my buddy this is what I don't get. He tells of how he read the bible most everyday now. He also tells me of how he and his wife both go to these bible studies sometimes, and will talk of how he is changing and leaves most all his worries in God's hands. However, he will still scream holler and belittle his kids. Him and his wife will still have knock down drag out fights and cuss each other out. He doesn't show any form of forgiveness towards one of his brothers, who he said done him wrong, when IMO theres two sides to every story, but yet he wont give his brother the chance to tell his side. My buddy already made it up in his mind that he is right and his brother is wrong. He will tell me and others of how he is changing, he reads the bible, goes to church and/or bible study classes, but yet all this crap still goes on just as before. I know it will probably take time and no one changes over night, but this has been like this for 2 years, almost 3 now, since he started to "change." I'm not trying to be ugly at all here, and since he has been my buddy for as long as he has, to me, I don't see any change at all. I see him spouting off how he is doing this and doing that by reading the bible, or going to church, but I don't see him living it or even attempting it for that matter. Why is that? Why do some people act so proud and want to shout from the mountain tops they are doing this and that, but really they aren't doing it/living it or trying to at all? Just trying to understand, thats all. Link to post Share on other sites
My Fair Katie Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 One of my favorites sayings is, "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic." Anywho, this gentleman can always claim that the bible condones his behavior, Proverbs 13-24 - He that spareth his rod hateth his son. I'm not a Christian myself, but hey, even the Devil can quote scripture! Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 Spiritual growth takes time. For some it may be, "overnite", some it may take years, even decades... It would do him ALOT of good if you talked to him about this, maybe he'll see an area(s) where he can ask God to help him improve. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JackJack Posted November 29, 2006 Author Share Posted November 29, 2006 Spiritual growth takes time. For some it may be, "overnite", some it may take years, even decades... It would do him ALOT of good if you talked to him about this, maybe he'll see an area(s) where he can ask God to help him improve. True, I'm sure it does take some people time. I did talk with him just the other day. He got pissed off and now want talk to me at all. Its like he shut me out because I talked with him. I think what it boiled down to was, he didn't want to hear what I had to say or anything. Just like he did his brother. My buddy is one of these people that feels he has to be right about something come hell or high water. It makes no difference to him about what a situation is truly about, what was really said/done etc etc, he just sees things one way, his. I don't think I can reason with someone like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 It doesn't sound like even his wife can deal with him. I'd just stay clear of him, then when, (or if), he ever brings up how wonderful his journey has been lately, ask him point blank, "Oh yeah? Have you stopped cursing, fighting with the wife or beatin' the kids? OH, you haven't?? Well, in that case, keep a searchin' and a learnin' and when you get it right, I'll respect more about what you're saying....." Link to post Share on other sites
Author JackJack Posted November 29, 2006 Author Share Posted November 29, 2006 Thanks, Moose. Yeah I plan on keeping my distance. I even called him and sent a email about 2 days after he got pissed off at me telling him i was sorry and didn't know what it was I did or said to have him shut me out and have nothing to do with me. I also told him I was here if he wanted or needed to talk. But that I was not going to beg him to talk to me. That was his choice. Wow how christiain like to shut out a friend after 14 years over something he either did not want to hear, or totally took wrong. I don't even know which it is anymore, maybe a little bit of both. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 My guess would be that you knocked his ego down a peg, and what you said probably rang true in his ear. He'll get over it.......eventually..... Link to post Share on other sites
bluetuesday Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 some people find a spiritual teaching attractive BECAUSE it allows them to continue in their egotistical patterns of behaviour. he may be with a church that preaches he is saved as long as he proclaims jesus as his saviour, without the need to do anything to change his actions. there are some christian churches who teach this, and it plays into the hands of people who want jesus to take responsibility for their lives because they don't want to do it themselves. so these churches naturally attract people who want to be told they don't need to look for the beam in their own eye. this is clearly against the teachings of jesus, who taught that the definition of a christian is someone who loves their neighbour, forgives anyone who wrongs them and turns the other cheek (reponds non-violently) to anyone who hurts them. if jesus intended that all a person needed to do to be saved was confess him as their saviour, why would be have spent so much of his time trying to teach people how to live? it's a contradition that some christian churches overlook. perhaps your buddy has been unlucky and found one of them. i think pointing it out to him is probably a waste of time. if he cannot see the hypocrisy of his actions now, nothing you say will turn on a light. the ego has a way of blinding people to what is obvious to everyone else, and he is currently trapped by his ego into thinking he is doing all he needs to do by putting a christian label on himself. don't worry, life will teach him the lesson he needs to learn eventually. if you do mention it, just make sure it's out of concern for him and with no expectation he'll listen or take your advice. if you can remain non-attached to the outcome you'll be doing yourself a favour. and you'll be acting in a christian way, too. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 So he is reading the cook book every day for years, but hasn't cooked anything yet! That's why I always say: there is absolutely no difference between people who "believe" in god and those who don't. Good people are good, whether they are atheists or believers and bad people are bad. So I never ask anyone if they believe in god. It's as relevant to one's personality as whether you like lettuce or not. Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 I think Moose and blue are dead on, with your buddy. IMO, your buddy seems kind of toxic to me. From what you described, wheather he was trying to change or not by reading the bible or whatever, he treats people like dogs. Yells at his kids, belittles them, argues with the wife, wont see his brothers side of anything or even you, his friend for that matter, and feels he has to be right about things. That sounds like a lot of mess to deal with. Personally I wouldn't want to deal with that kind of drama. I know it bothers you that he wont talk to you, but he seems pretty immature, and it might just be what needs to happen. Maybe by him not getting back in touch with you, he is actually doing you a favor. If after your attempt to get back in touch with him, he refused to call you or touch base with you about things, then it seems to me maybe he wasn't your friend really anyway. You're probably better off. Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 There are 2 reasons.... he still harbors a ton of Pride....which is a killer to people of faith. it blocks grace and truth...and untill he humbles himself, or God humbles him....it wont change. 2nd....to touch on what blue said in terms of the "log in the eye" parable. Untill he can realize the "log" in his eye blinds him from truth...he will never get it. This goes hand in hand with Pride.... to many selfish pridefull people in this world.... Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 some people find a spiritual teaching attractive BECAUSE it allows them to continue in their egotistical patterns of behaviour. yep. Sometimes, people don't realize that their conversion needs to be both mind AND heart, or that their actions will out them. best thing you can do JJ is to just pray for a conversion of heart within your friend. Because until he gets to that point, he's going to remain blind to his negative and non-Christian behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 Hey Jack Jack.... Wow this is a really tough question! I see pride and arrogance as one of the other posters did....he's in for a hard fall though....after pride comes the fall.....yuk....he's got some very deep rooted issues and a whole lot of hurt....pride and arrogance is a defence mechanism for great, personal hurt. Still God hates pride and will deal with that. Pray for him Jack....he's gonna really need it.....encourage him and tell him that's cool..... The Apostle Paul said, I do what I don't want to do, and don't do what I want to....who will deliver me from this flesh (total paraphrase and I messed it up mostlikely) .....what Paul was communicating was the power sin has over us. Your buddy is still operating in a lot of flesh..... God judges the heart, we cannot know the true heart of a man and even ourselves. God knows the motive behind the motive, and if it is the true desire of your buddy to change it will happen. Look at King David (my life is patterned much after him), OMG David got himself into a lot of mess, lust, adultry, murder....ect...yet God still called David "A man after His own heart" because of David's repentant spirit. Your Buddy is also being hit really hard....as soon as we say "I'm gonna change" all hell breaks loose.....and he might not be really giving everything to God.....just pray for him, be his friend and minister truth to him when ever possible....take care Link to post Share on other sites
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