Guest--in NY Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 I have been married for almost 10 years now, my wife is a good woman for the most part. We have had some marital discord in the past, driven largely by financial issues that drove a bit of a wedge between us. She ended up cheating on me with a co worker. Well, we worked through that. I think I have forgiven her for the most part, and if you were to ask her she would probably agree. My issue is this....I live in a small town, my wife not from this town. I live near many of my former girlfriends from the old days. Several of these ladies have expressed an interest in me. These temptations are becoming overwhelming....and right or wrong I feel a bit entitled to a transgression. The candidates include two specific women, and others too numerous to mention. 1) A woman who was never serious girlfriend but always a close friend and whose fiancee passed away in a tragic accident is in need of some lovin. There is an unspoken urge between us. 2) A woman who was a serious girlfriend for several years, and is married with 3 children has expressed to a close friend of mine that she would like to get together with me. There are several other women both in my small town and in the area that have expressed some interest. My situation is that I have two wonderful young children, nice home, nice "stuff" and overall a pleasant happy existence. My marriage is not perfect....but it has it's good points. I just wonder if it is worth the risk cheating....and if it is worth the pain for my kids, family etc to go through a divorce to maybe wind up in the same situation in a few years. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 You know what it's like to be cheated upon, you felt the pain, the loss of trust and faith in your wife...Do you want her now to experience that exact same thing?? NO, do not cheat on your wife. It will ruin your life as you know it. It will ruin you too, as a person. Just go read what others feel after they've cheated...(Inapanic's thread is one to read.) Head to marriage counselling NOW and fix things. If you feel you can't be faithful and are having thoughts more and more of cheating, then that is even more reason to do marriage counselling. Stop thinking so much of yourself and start focussing on your wife. Are you two meeting eachothers needs? Not only in bed, but emotionally? Do you two talk and have fun together? Make special time for one another? You BOTH have to work together to make the marriage work. Family is one thing, but the relationship between a husband and wife is just as important. No marriage is perfect, so don't expect yours to be. But, if you know you can sleep at night, knowing that you and your wife are happy with eachother, then that's a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 1) A woman who was never serious girlfriend but always a close friend and whose fiancee passed away in a tragic accident is in need of some lovin. There is an unspoken urge between us. NO!!!!!!! DO NOT CHOOSE TO CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE and CHILDREN. Don't betray them like this. 2) A woman who was a serious girlfriend for several years, and is married with 3 children has expressed to a close friend of mine that she would like to get together with me. NO!! (See answer above) Why would you want to involve another woman into your life? You will not only hurt your wife so badly (and your children) but also the OW. She doesn't need to fall for a MM (married man), especially if she has 3 kids as well. Jesus, how much complication are you looking for?? The choice is yours. Cheat or not to cheat. Remember this if you do decide to do this, you'll have noone to blame but yourself when it backfires and blows up in your face - And you lose everything that you love and own. Life as you know it now will be over. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 My issue is this....I live in a small town Old Chinese expression, 3 people can keep a secret as long as 2 of them are dead. In a small town, it's even worse. What you're really saying is "My wife cheated on me and I found out, now I want to cause her equal pain". If that's your goal, sounds like you're on the right track... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Wantingtogetitright Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 instead of thinking solely about yourself do some simple maths. 1) cheating hurts your wife and kids and ultimately yourself. If you want out fo the marriage do it and then pursue other relationships. 2) the woman who lost her fiance, majorly vulnerable and you could do more damage to her than you know by making her the other woman. so all of the above, you, your wife and kids plus her get hurt 3) the married woman same as the above do the maths of number 2 and then add her family onto that as well. 4) you live in a small town, **** on your own doorstep and you will forever smell the stink. Do not ruin many other peoples lives for a bit of sex on the side. Question Is all the above worth losing for a roll in the hay? A transgression? Biggest Piece of Advice Get a mirror, sit in front of it, take a long hard look at yourself and ask yourself the same questions you have asked of us. Look at yourself for who you will be if you follow through with any of this. And basically NO you are not "entitled to a transgression". What gives you the right to cause pain to so many. If you feel you need to make your wife suffer for her mistake/trangression then you need out of the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 So because you had some financial problems your wife cheated on you with a co-worker? Did she show you true remorse or did she refuse to accept responsibility and blame it on you? I seriously doubt you have forgiven her because you want to play and I think deep down you want revenge. I think she has hurt you deeply. What were the consequeces to her actions that allowed her to give herself permission to cheat on you and put your health at risk for STD's? Is she still in contact with her co-worker? If she is that I am guessing this may be one reason you want to do to her what she did to you. I strongly suggest marriage counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
InaPanic Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 I cannot relate to the part about your wife cheating on you first so i cannot totally give advice because i don't know what you've had to deal with & the emotions involved for you on that. But i did cheat on my husband. I regret it severly. It has changed my life all for the worse & most days i don't feel like he or i will ever be the same. We are moving on, or at least doing our best to move on but it's there. It's there every day for us. I see it in his eyes & i know he sees it in mine when i can't hardly even look him in the eye. I also live in a small town & I know many people know what i did. some are our friends that he turned to in need of support & help which i cannot blame him. but now these people look at me differently, i know they do. When we see them i feel awkward & like i want to shrink away & hide under a rock. I know they think i'm a bad mom when in reality i'm not but i did something that in society makes people think that i am & now i have to live with the fear of my children finding out. your kids already have the chance of finding out what your wife did. you don't want them to see both mom & dad have done this, it's too risky to there future. my couselor has stated she thinks the main reason i did this is due to my dad who wasn't a part of my life & the fact that both my dad & mom were cheaters & i was raised around it. she said if i don't change & promise myself i will never do this again that i risk my children growing up & having these same issues i have. That was a real slap in the face of reality to me. it's not the legacy i want to leave behind for my children. I think you do feel entitled to a fling. i'm not going to dismiss that. It makes me worry that 2 years or 5 years down the road my husband my feel the same entitlement. But that won't make the marriage any better dear, to me that is only going to open up a whole new can of worms. Another question tho, why are all these women putting out the knowledge that they are interested in you? Are you already kind of on the lookout for a partner? I'm not saying that slurring or being mean I'm just curious as to how you can have so many you know are willing to participate in an affair with you. No one can tell us what to do but maybe you can learn from someone else's mistakes (namely mine). whatever bit of fun or enjoyment i had in my very short affair was by far not worth what i now have to live with in my head the rest of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 I think I have forgiven her for the most part, and if you were to ask her she would probably agree. The candidates include two specific women, and others too numerous to mention. Based on the above comments, I would respectfully disagree that you've forgiven her. Don't lower yourself to a cheaters level. You're better than this. Link to post Share on other sites
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