I told...

[kymberann]

I couldn't take the hiding anymore, the secrets, I wanted it out in the open. I called the wife yesterday and told her about the affair. I know this ends everything with MM. She said he has been a different person, always having excuses to go somewhere. Acting different. She asked if it was with me he was with. If we have had sex. She wanted some details. Kept it to a minimum. She kept asking "why". I said ask your husband. She wanted to meet me and go to her house. She kept calling and then he called. I didn't answer when he called me.At one point she said to look out my front door because his stuff is packed and that he should be waiting outside. Then he got on messenger last night, didn't message me but was on. He hasn't been on for a while. I just closed it. Then he called me this morning at work, but I was busy. I know he is trying to bait me. I haven't heard since.

Don't flame me, whether or not I did the wrong or right thing, what should I expect now? He could have lied and covered up, would she still have some doubts because I called? What are possible outcomes?

Thank you for your thoughts.

[peacelove]

Kymber,

Much luck & love to you. Just be prepared for the flamethrowers in here.

Peace,love

[yousaveme]

I am speechless... Just curious are there kids involved? I forgot your last post...

[NoIDidn't]

What can you expect now? Hmmm.

 

You've already gotten a little of it, but didn't recognize it for what it was. First, he calls to to ask what the h*ll you were thinking - but you didn't take his call. Second, he will return to whatever allowed you two to contact each other (like the Messenger) to see if you will try to explain anything to him. Third, comes the cold shoulder. Having not gotten through to you by any of his usual tricks, he will try to make you feel bad for having upset him and his life by purposefully "ignoring" you.

 

You should expect her to call and call and call until she has all the answers she desires from you. I think it perfectly alright for you to request that she no longer call you because you have told all that you felt comfortable telling. The rest will have to come from him.

 

What you have done is opened a can of worms that you can't control how many worms make it out. While he is silent, he may be trying to think of ways to get you back. Cheating men always think that the woman on either side is too stupid to catch him. Well, you outed him. Its unfortunate that it was done around the holidays because she will always remember the holidays with this feature whether they reconcile or not.

 

You might want to turn off your cellphone and let your machine pick up for a while. Take some time out with your girlfriends. And stay away from him definitely.

[NoIDidn't]

What can you expect now? Hmmm.

 

You've already gotten a little of it, but didn't recognize it for what it was. First, he calls to to ask what the h*ll you were thinking - but you didn't take his call. Second, he will return to whatever allowed you two to contact each other (like the Messenger) to see if you will try to explain anything to him. Third, comes the cold shoulder. Having not gotten through to you by any of his usual tricks, he will try to make you feel bad for having upset him and his life by purposefully "ignoring" you.

 

You should expect her to call and call and call until she has all the answers she desires from you. I think it perfectly alright for you to request that she no longer call you because you have told all that you felt comfortable telling. The rest will have to come from him.

 

What you have done is opened a can of worms that you can't control how many worms make it out. While he is silent, he may be trying to think of ways to get you back. Cheating men always think that the woman on either side is too stupid to catch him. Well, you outed him. Its unfortunate that it was done around the holidays because she will always remember the holidays with this feature whether they reconcile or not. But expect him to be mad.

 

You might want to turn off your cellphone and let your machine pick up for a while. Take some time out with your girlfriends. And stay away from him definitely.

[pureinheart]

Well, I hope they are not crazy people like what I was dealing with ...lol...anyway you did what you had to do....do you know how many times I wanted to do that!!!!!!!!

 

I would be careful of giving her too much info....it sounds like she might be obsessed or could get there. She may turn and lash out at you, depending on where her head is at....me, I didn't freak on anyone, just left....

 

Personally I think your heart is in the right place, you just couldn't take the lies....now me on the other hand, wanted to either cause destruction in his life or make him make a decision....niether of those are good reasons for calling and telling her.

 

I did call his house 3 times, from pure frustration, I thought I would never do that, but did. Not to tell her, but to get answers from him. Was really shocked, and have to say this, though he knew others were listening, still didnot deny me.

 

In my situation, he has done this before (OW) ....so a call from me would do no good, if she hasn't woken up by now.....I am torn concerning this. I think the BS should know so that she can make educated decisions based on facts and also don't want to see the BS hurt either....what is the right thing....does one go by the situation?

[Enema]

I couldn't take the hiding anymore, the secrets, I wanted it out in the open.

 

This is how your post should have gone:

 

I couldn't take the hiding anymore, the secrets... so I stopped seeing him

 

1) He did the wrong thing by cheating on his wife.

2) You did the wrong thing by seeing a married man.

3) You dealt with it in the worst possible way that has NO positive outcomes.

 

You should be ashamed.

[herenow]

I can only answer what would have happened if my H's OW called me. After the shock and the initial clamoring for answers, it would have become all about our marriage and you would have stopped hearing from both of us. If you are really done with the affair and you can stick to NC, the calls will stop. Or, they will decide to end their marriage and then you will see if he really cares about you.

[pureinheart]

What can you expect now? Hmmm.

 

You've already gotten a little of it, but didn't recognize it for what it was. First, he calls to to ask what the h*ll you were thinking - but you didn't take his call. Second, he will return to whatever allowed you two to contact each other (like the Messenger) to see if you will try to explain anything to him. Third, comes the cold shoulder. Having not gotten through to you by any of his usual tricks, he will try to make you feel bad for having upset him and his life by purposefully "ignoring" you.

 

You should expect her to call and call and call until she has all the answers she desires from you. I think it perfectly alright for you to request that she no longer call you because you have told all that you felt comfortable telling. The rest will have to come from him.

 

What you have done is opened a can of worms that you can't control how many worms make it out. While he is silent, he may be trying to think of ways to get you back. Cheating men always think that the woman on either side is too stupid to catch him. Well, you outed him. Its unfortunate that it was done around the holidays because she will always remember the holidays with this feature whether they reconcile or not. But expect him to be mad.

 

You might want to turn off your cellphone and let your machine pick up for a while. Take some time out with your girlfriends. And stay away from him definitely.

 

 

Yep your right....I threatened the exMM that if he didn't respect me and my wishes, I would not respect his and would come over to his house....oh man, he had never threatened me before, but wrote me a very threatening and cruel email.

 

I know the exMM would follow through and get me some way....

[pureinheart]

Enema....why did she deal with it in the worst possible way....because she exposed him for what he really is.

[Enema]

It's not her business to be out there "exposing" his true colours.

 

She had a relationship with him, she no longer wanted to deal with it she should simply have ended it.

 

I'm not trying to say that cheating is right, but being vindictive about it and trying to destroy his marriage and life because she couldn't have the MM to herself is wrong.

[Guest]

It's not her business to be out there "exposing" his true colours.

 

She had a relationship with him, she no longer wanted to deal with it she should simply have ended it.

 

I'm not trying to say that cheating is right, but being vindictive about it and trying to destroy his marriage and life because she couldn't have the MM to herself is wrong.

 

You should ask the BW if they agree with you. I'm sure some of them would like to have that info rather than being in the dark. You know that the MM is never going to come out and tell the trith if they are not caught. Would you rather have an affair end and never know about it, and continue the marriage without knowing what is going on behind your back?

[slave2love]

Girlfriend I think you did what every scorned OW wishes she had the courage to do! I myself thought of threatening calling the W if I didn't get some answers from my MM. I chickened out and just told him he wouldn't be hearing from me again. It is equally hurtful to the OW and the W when MM thinks he can get away with hurting everyone involved for his own pleasure. At least you took back your power! Good for you!

Wish I had the courage...why should MM get to put the pieces back together (no doubt by lying and making you look like the bad guy) if the OW is left holding her broken heart in her hands? Being the OW just sucks and I applaud you for ending it with the truth and keeping your dignity in tact! Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned! Men should believe that whole heartedly!

[yousaveme]

Do we know what happened to the MM or the W ?

 

Just curious

[Catharsis]

Good for you Kymberann!! Even though I never had a physical relationship with my "MM", I would LOVE to expose him for the lying cheater he really is. It makes me sick that he has gotten away with his two-faced act while always coming out smelling like a rose. If I had the courage like you, I'd mail the countless pages of evidence I have on him to his W and drop the bomb on him. His W is such an unexpecting naive fool, she needs to wake up and see that she doesn't have the fairy tale marriage she braggs about all the time.

[Green]

Im not a married man, but if I was cheating on my wife which I would never do, but anyways if I was, I wouldnt let the other woman know where i lived or what my phone number was and stuff like that. He obviously let you know it all so what ever happened to him happened. As for you from this point on I would recomend not talking to the MM wife ever again or Him for that matter. Never Date a man you susspect to be married or that is married ever again. and if you do this along with some other stuff you should have a very full life

[puddleofmud]

Sorry to hear that you became so frustrated you felt driven to do this. As far as what you can expect?

Most likely it will become all about THEM for a very long while with some of it being quite a "honeymoon phase" in order to appease. I would also suspect that he may tell her some pretty horrible things about you; possibly that you are a lying scheming stalking crazy woman....for that reason NC is recommended lest you validate that (false) notion.

I am also sad to hear that this was done this time of year but also, due to that, there will probably be a lot of family around and that will initially insulate them somewhat and could be a deepen the desire to keep their family intact.

I doubt he will ever be coming back to your relationship which is assumed as what you wanted?

If it was your desire to get a jab in--you did it--so please leave it at that.

The W is very hurt right now and you don't want to soil yourself by pushing that knife any deeper!!!

I wish you the best as you leave this behind and move forward with you life.

[whichwayisup]

You did it so you could feel better. Do you feel better now?

 

Leave them alone now, if she wants to give him another chance, and he's willing to do all that it takes to fix their marriage, you're going to have to accept it. And that does mean no contact by you.

 

Leave them alone, even if she ends the marriage. HE is going to blame you for spilling it to his wife.

 

I hope you're able to move on, learn from this situation and never allow yourself to be involved with a MM ever again.

[whichwayisup]

The thing that gets me is, you told her yet you were not willing to answer most of her questions, you told her to talk to her husband. Why didn't you tell all when you had the chance?

[Guest]

Hi,

 

I did about the same as you six weeks ago. I got tired of the lies--found out he was involved with another OW, and flipped!

 

I wrote his wife a detailed letter with my number--and she called. She asked, and I forwarded all of our e-mails (very lovey), and gave her dates of trips, nights out--everything from the past year.

 

That was the last I heard from either of them.

[Guest]

People on this website are always posting about suspecting cheating and wanting advice on how to find out. I'd be willing to bet the wife already suspected an affair but was being made to think she was crazy. I, personally, think you did her a favor and saved her alot of time. Now she has the info to make a decision about HER life and where she wants to go with it. From personal experience I was married to a cheater for over 20 years.

 

I wish to hell someone had had the courage to tell me what was going on so I could have gotten on with my life and stopped wasting time on a SOB. As for the wife, if she chooses to stay with him, well, at least she still knows what she is and has been dealing with. These cake eaters couldn't get away with using two women at the same time if more people would break the "silence" that allows them to continue in their very selfish game.

[noforgiveness]

That is so sad mean and spiteful.

 

He broke up with you a few weeks ago because his wife was getting suspicious and he chose his marriage and broke all contact with you so you do this out of spite to him? You do this to someone you are supposed to love?

 

Does this man whose life you just brought crashing down and wreaked major havoc and drama on have kids? Did you just change these kids lives forever AFTER he chose his family?

 

I know he is responsible for his choices but his wife and family were not.

 

Stay safe because you are going to have one angry man on your hands if he dumped you to protect his family.

thread about breakup.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=993021&postcount=17

[Meaplus3]

Good for you Kymberann!! Even though I never had a physical relationship with my "MM", I would LOVE to expose him for the lying cheater he really is. It makes me sick that he has gotten away with his two-faced act while always coming out smelling like a rose. If I had the courage like you, I'd mail the countless pages of evidence I have on him to his W and drop the bomb on him. His W is such an unexpecting naive fool, she needs to wake up and see that she doesn't have the fairy tale marriage she braggs about all the time.

 

Catharsis,

 

I like what you said here! It is very sickning to see them get away with. especially to pretend they have such a fairy tale marriage. I have to see this pretending every single day since xMM lives next door! I know I was wrong as a MW to get involved but PLEASE it take TWO to Tango! Hate how the man most always gets away with it! Glad to see a wife have to face REALITY!

 

AP

[lasan]

As a former BS, I can honestly say I am glad that you told. His wife deserved to know who else she was being exposed to.

[noforgiveness]

Catharsis,

 

I like what you said here! It is very sickning to see them get away with. especially to pretend they have such a fairy tale marriage. I have to see this pretending every single day since xMM lives next door! I know I was wrong as a MW to get involved but PLEASE it take TWO to Tango! Hate how the man most always gets away with it! Glad to see a wife have to face REALITY!

 

AP

 

wow did you read the same posts by catharsis i did? They stopped emailing because she knew it was wrong. They never had sex. SHE started emailing him again because she missed him. They were lovers from THIRTEEN years ago.

 

She, probably illegally, snooped into this mans private email and basically discovered that this man and his wife were still having steamy sex and emailing each other back and forth about it and this man repeatedly emailed his wife how wonderful she is etc etc. BUT she calls the wife

an unexpecting naive fool, who needs to wake up and see that she doesn't have the fairy tale marriage she braggs about all the time???

 

WOW sounds like an extremely bitter, jealous person to me. The wife certainly doesn't sound like a naive fool if her husband is showering her with love letters.