All Ow

[NearlyThere]

Quote:

Originally Posted by puddleofmud

Ahhh, so it is an electronically controlled device which ones uses for one's pleasure...

 

 

 

Quote:

I like the sensors on his tail, chin, and mouth, and the way he reacts completely differently to being touched depending on what mode he is in: hunting, playful, and cautious.

lol This is to funny

 

 

lol lol. now you know why i bought it. It reminds me of someone.

[movinon05]

Well here is the update!! Today on MSN I finally heard from him. Well what can I say, unfortunately cant go into too much detail as for being identifiable, unlikely I know, but you do have to be careful. The reason for no text before he left, mmmm, not too sure if it was true, however it was that incredible it might be so, but it makes no difference. Reason for no contact until now, I completely believe, he's only been back here about 2 days, because of a terrible incident, someone would not lie about the reason why. Still makes no difference though.

 

I will explain, while chatting he said, blah blah blah, however we do need to have a chat. Oh I thought, here we chuffin well go again. Has anyone else who's been or is an OW heard those words, "we need to have a chat". I've heard those before. That means he is going to chuck me, reasons I think this, 1, its because he's been away and you know what holidays are like for forgetting the reality of your life, also it nearly happened last time he was on holiday and 2, because of the incident. I said I know what your going to say you know, and changed the subject, no point in trying to discuss serious issues on MSN, things can be taken the wrong way, like on here, cant hear the tone in peoples voices.

 

No doubt the chat will be tomo night and do you know something, I dont think I' m that bothered, I've been that upset these last 4 weeks, I almost feel like oh, just get on with it, or excuse my English, to use a bit of a rude expression, "sh*t or get off the pot, I feel quite blase. My stomach didn't lurch, I didnt well up with tears, I just thought, oh!!! WHATEVER. We shall see. I really want off the merry-go-round. I'm hoping when he tells me I say, "I agree with you, I wish you well for the future."

 

So thanks and hugs to you all for your kind words and support as they have meant alot to me.

 

NT

 

I've been seeing your posts lately and I wanted to write you. I looked back at some of your prior posts as well. They were eerily similar to mine although mine lasted much longer.

 

I was with exMM for 7 yrs. There were a number of times that he just stopped contacting me, sometimes for 2 or 3 months at a time. I wrote the same letters but never sent them, and I never contacted him because I figured if he loved me like he said, then he wouldn't treat me like this, and I wasn't going to beg him. But he always came back and suckered his way back into my psyche. Your MM is doing much the same thing.

 

If your "chat" happens the way you think it will, or even not, you really need to end it. If he says he's ending it, then tell him its for good. No meeting up in a few months to see how each of you are doing. I say this because the only way you will truly heal is with complete NC. Its damn painful in the beginning as you know, but I swear to you, it really does get better. You will find that as time goes on, you get tired of crying and spending so much of your time thinking about him rather than being out living. Once you start living, you start enjoying yourself. And then you start to realize you can do this and you want more for yourself. You are free of the anxiety. You will start thinking more about you and your happiness, and never want to go back to that situation again.

 

You will still think of him from time to time, but it will be far less painful. And be careful. You feel you are ready now for this break, and he might well be giving it to you, but you're still going to hurt from time to time. Just know you will get through it.

 

I urge you to make a clean break and if he ever contacts you again, do not give in. I can promise you its far better on the other side. You just have to believe it.

 

Remember, if someone really loved you the way you want to be loved, they would never hurt you in this way.

[silentalways]

u can still leave someone, and show love

 

love doesn't mean u must be with that person

 

u can love them by not hurting them

 

i love people i know i will never be with but that love enables me to show them respect

 

everyone must keep love in their heart

[NearlyThere]

I've been seeing your posts lately and I wanted to write you. I looked back at some of your prior posts as well. They were eerily similar to mine although mine lasted much longer.

 

I was with exMM for 7 yrs. There were a number of times that he just stopped contacting me, sometimes for 2 or 3 months at a time. I wrote the same letters but never sent them, and I never contacted him because I figured if he loved me like he said, then he wouldn't treat me like this, and I wasn't going to beg him. But he always came back and suckered his way back into my psyche. Your MM is doing much the same thing.

 

If your "chat" happens the way you think it will, or even not, you really need to end it. If he says he's ending it, then tell him its for good. No meeting up in a few months to see how each of you are doing. I say this because the only way you will truly heal is with complete NC. Its damn painful in the beginning as you know, but I swear to you, it really does get better. You will find that as time goes on, you get tired of crying and spending so much of your time thinking about him rather than being out living. Once you start living, you start enjoying yourself. And then you start to realize you can do this and you want more for yourself. You are free of the anxiety. You will start thinking more about you and your happiness, and never want to go back to that situation again.

 

You will still think of him from time to time, but it will be far less painful. And be careful. You feel you are ready now for this break, and he might well be giving it to you, but you're still going to hurt from time to time. Just know you will get through it.

 

I urge you to make a clean break and if he ever contacts you again, do not give in. I can promise you its far better on the other side. You just have to believe it.

 

Remember, if someone really loved you the way you want to be loved, they would never hurt you in this way.

 

Thanks for taking the time out to reply to my threads, I rememeber reading yours when I first came on here. Its strange when you read other peoples threads/stories like you said sometimes they sound so eerily similar, it does make you wonder if there is a script out there somewhere, lol.

 

Well my gut feeling was right and the reasons for it were right as well. I got the phone call and I was quite reserved for me really. Finally I said, so are we going to have the chat about you going to finish we me, so he said what over the phone, and I said "yes, why not, what difference does it makes, except you can watch me cry in person", to which I got "well you could probably watch me as well". But you know what I didn't cry, my eyes filled but that was it. I lied and said the time had flown by while he was away. I had the "if only circumstances were different", maybe he means it maybe not, but my reply was "well so do I, but they are not, this is what they are and can't be changed."

 

However the rest did not go as planned, I got the "I don't want to lose your friendship" line, I said I didn't know if I could. I said I can't just stop loving him, just because the A is over. He said "so what you are saying is then its a case of either we continue, or I never speak to you again, is that what you are saying?" I get the feeling I could have said the 1st one and said lets continue and he would have said ok, but I dont want that any more, I want him, but I dont want all the cr*p that comes with him. I think I must have been silent on the phone for about a minute, I could tell he was upset. So I caved and said I would try. I know 2 steps forward 1 back.

 

I've now had nearly 24 hours to think about it though, how can I be a friend, proper friends you can phone when you like, I mean what are we going to talk about, the weather!!!, i know English people are obsessed with it, but come on. All the feelings I have for him will still be under the surface, except I wont be able to say them. I wont be able to say how much I want him to kiss me or hold me. I'm upset because its the end, but not because he finshed with me, because that was the right thing to do does that make sense? Maybe i'm just talking sh*te. lol.

 

You are so right about not missing the anxiety, when my boss asked me why I was looking so upset and unhappy recently, and everyone had noticed and wondered what was wrong, as they missed me laughing, I burst into tears in the office, I knew I had lost myself somewhere along the line, up until now I have always been such a happy cheerful person. Always laughing, I'm fairly intelligent, but i'm such a ditz at times and tend to do wappy things. So after he said that to me, and this might sound a bit mad, but for a while I pretended to be happy and I made myself laugh at things again and i'm sure it has worked because for the last week or so I have started to feel happier and I'm sure if I continue it will get better. Today I even realised that for short periods of time, I didnt even think about him.

 

I dont know if this is good or bad, but I do usually have a tendancy to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again, as the saying goes. That just seems to be my nature. So i'm hoping that will get me over the dark periods that are ahead.

[NearlyThere]

u can still leave someone, and show love

 

love doesn't mean u must be with that person

 

u can love them by not hurting them

 

i love people i know i will never be with but that love enables me to show them respect

 

everyone must keep love in their heart

 

All very true.

[puddleofmud]

Oh, sweety I am so sorry! Even if you were expecting this it doesn't make it hurt less, and you did a great job bringing things up by confronting him even if you knew it might hurt you.

So, I am a little confused but if I "got" it right you two have called things off and decided to be on a friendship level kinda thing? And you just said you would because the conversation was difficult so you agreed to this but aren't sure that's what you want or if you can actually go through with it?

So what do YOU think he meant by this?

As an objective observer: usually when a guy does this he is (according to his way of thinking) letting you go and wants no hard feelings; he is not saying what he truly means. He thinks he is softening the blow.

OR, he does want to continue but this is his way of reminding you that it will be only on a "friends" w/ benefits basis. In other words if he has your agreement to that, then he is not responsible for anything you may feel. Countless partners have had the term "I TOLD you I only wanted to be friends" thrown in their faces.

Or, he just wants to know that you are still THERE and wants to "check in" once in a while for his own selfish needs...just to hear you voice, just to moan and complain, just to make sure that you aren't w/ anyone else...in other words he may wish to keep you simmering on the back burner.

I know this isn't what you may want to hear.

Do you plan to see or speak w/ him again? If so you may wish to ask him exactly how he wishes this "friendship" to progress and how shall it be reciprocated as friendship is a two way street.

Again, I feel deeply sad about your situation, it's a narly (crazy wave) one.

Big Kisses and Hugs to you!

[movinon05]

Thanks for taking the time out to reply to my threads, I rememeber reading yours when I first came on here. Its strange when you read other peoples threads/stories like you said sometimes they sound so eerily similar, it does make you wonder if there is a script out there somewhere, lol.

 

Well my gut feeling was right and the reasons for it were right as well. I got the phone call and I was quite reserved for me really. Finally I said, so are we going to have the chat about you going to finish we me, so he said what over the phone, and I said "yes, why not, what difference does it makes, except you can watch me cry in person", to which I got "well you could probably watch me as well". But you know what I didn't cry, my eyes filled but that was it. I lied and said the time had flown by while he was away. I had the "if only circumstances were different", maybe he means it maybe not, but my reply was "well so do I, but they are not, this is what they are and can't be changed."

 

However the rest did not go as planned, I got the "I don't want to lose your friendship" line, I said I didn't know if I could. I said I can't just stop loving him, just because the A is over. He said "so what you are saying is then its a case of either we continue, or I never speak to you again, is that what you are saying?" I get the feeling I could have said the 1st one and said lets continue and he would have said ok, but I dont want that any more, I want him, but I dont want all the cr*p that comes with him. I think I must have been silent on the phone for about a minute, I could tell he was upset. So I caved and said I would try. I know 2 steps forward 1 back.

 

I've now had nearly 24 hours to think about it though, how can I be a friend, proper friends you can phone when you like, I mean what are we going to talk about, the weather!!!, i know English people are obsessed with it, but come on. All the feelings I have for him will still be under the surface, except I wont be able to say them. I wont be able to say how much I want him to kiss me or hold me. I'm upset because its the end, but not because he finshed with me, because that was the right thing to do does that make sense? Maybe i'm just talking sh*te. lol.

 

You are so right about not missing the anxiety, when my boss asked me why I was looking so upset and unhappy recently, and everyone had noticed and wondered what was wrong, as they missed me laughing, I burst into tears in the office, I knew I had lost myself somewhere along the line, up until now I have always been such a happy cheerful person. Always laughing, I'm fairly intelligent, but i'm such a ditz at times and tend to do wappy things. So after he said that to me, and this might sound a bit mad, but for a while I pretended to be happy and I made myself laugh at things again and i'm sure it has worked because for the last week or so I have started to feel happier and I'm sure if I continue it will get better. Today I even realised that for short periods of time, I didnt even think about him.

 

I dont know if this is good or bad, but I do usually have a tendancy to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again, as the saying goes. That just seems to be my nature. So i'm hoping that will get me over the dark periods that are ahead.

 

I'm very proud of you!!!!!!!!!! I know it hurts, but I swear, you really will be better off! No, you won't stop loving him right away, but in time, with a new life and eventually a new love, you may stop loving him! Since you know my story, maybe you'd be surprised to know that I do not love exMM anymore. And that's after 7 years of total dedication!!!!! There is no anger anymore. There is just nothing. I never really thought I would ever feel this way. It took a whole lot of work and picking myself up and dusting off, just like you said.

 

I'm still going to tell you that you really do need complete NC! There is NO WAY you will get over this if you stay friends. You can't possibly move forward and put him behind you if you keep in contact. It will start out slow and then it will become more often, and you will be right back in the thick of things. Also, HE has to realize that he can't have you in his life since HE has made this choice! Its always about them and what they want, and they expect you to just lay down and take it! Don't take it. You know the saying, he made his bed, he now has to lay in it! Please stick to your guns. Your healing will be soooooooooooooo much faster!

 

Your story was enough to make me come back here and try to help you. Please believe me! ((((HUGS))))

[Can'tGiveUp]

NearlyThere, in my experience, being friends just doesn't work. My MM and I began our relationship when we were both separated (and expecting it to stay that way). When his W asked for another chance he went back and we ended it. Fast forward a year and a half and we decide to try and be friends - real friends not 'talk about the weather' friends.

 

Now we are in an A. Neither willing to give the other up and we are both hurting but now there is less pain than when we were apart. When it turns around and it hurts more to be together, then that is when I will have to walk away for good.

[peacelove]

yousaveme, stop callin my girlfreind, you are cutting into my doinky do time!yousaveme this is peacelove. my mm is replying to you under my account until he opens his own.

(he's just kiddin')

[yousaveme]

yousaveme, stop callin my girlfreind, you are cutting into my doinky do time!yousaveme this is peacelove. my mm is replying to you under my account until he opens his own.

(he's just kiddin')

 

 

She emails me during mine. Only fair......

[DoinkyDo]

This is a serious forum. Take your chatter somewhere else. Thats why there is PM. Thank you....

[peacelove]

yyousaveme my time is more valuble than yours, because i didn,t pay attention in school, and i work alot. i know not your problem. but my time is limited. so stop f,ing callin! only kiddin

[yousaveme]

yyousaveme my time is more valuble than yours, because i didn,t pay attention in school, and i work alot. i know not your problem. but my time is limited. so stop f,ing callin! only kiddin

'

 

Make me

[yousaveme]

yyousaveme my time is more valuble than yours, because i didn,t pay attention in school, and i work alot. i know not your problem. but my time is limited. so stop f,ing callin! only kiddin

 

 

By the way get off LS and then you would have some time.....Just a thought.

[yousaveme]

Your really slow at responding. Whats the deal?

[peacelove]

He's too slow at replying. Don't know how to type either. When you see parker232 come up that'll be him. ok

[yousaveme]

He's too slow at replying. Don't know how to type either. When you see parker232 come up that'll be him. ok

 

What is parker232? Sounds like an old man. Sorry:p

[pricillia]

what happened to the post by Yousaveme

 

about being allowed to laugh?

[GreenEyedLady]

P: I guess some people don't have a sense of humor...

[pricillia]

P: I guess some people don't have a sense of humor...

 

 

too bad! well this has been a touchy subject for some time...

 

I some people do not see eye to eye and things get heated...

[peacelove]

I think Noforgiveness ruined that for us.

[pricillia]

I think Noforgiveness ruined that for us.

 

 

 

Oh.......... maybe it will turnaround.... just let it sit for a while and let the fire go out

[yousaveme]

Oh.......... maybe it will turnaround.... just let it sit for a while and let the fire go out

 

 

I would like to know what happened to my thread.

[stillhere]

Apparently us OW's are keeping the mods busy!!! I don't understand why a lot of the threads have gotten deleted lately.

 

I think there is a certain someone who is the reason though!!

[pricillia]

I would like to know what happened to my thread.

 

I thought that you would know....I was looking for it today and could not find it...