Engagement Party Invite Fiasco

[almostmrsp]

I got engaged the day before Thanksgiving when my boyfriend (now fiance) proposed in the most romantic, perfect way. I love my ring, too!! After the proposal, his mom went straight away at planning an engagement party for us, picking the date, time, location, and everything without me... but that's another story.

 

Here's the problem:

 

Originally, the party was supposed to be for the grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles, and bridal party ONLY. It is at a beautiful wine bar in a private area and I wanted it to be intimate. Now I find out that his mother is inviting cousins on his side that are not in the bridal party. I am not close to my cousins as they are very competitive, jealous, and rude, and I'd rather they not be there at all, but if my aunts and uncles show up and see his cousins there but realize I did not invite mine, it will be a nightmare to deal with. My mom also mentioned to her sister that the cousins would probably not be invited, and my aunt looked positively insulted.

 

So I've pretty much decided I have to invite the cousins as to stay fair and equal and not hurt feelings, but there is another issue. 4 of the cousins are under 18 (one is 13, two are 15, one is 17). Being that this is such a classy event at a wine bar involving wine tastings and alcohol, should I invite them anyways? I will be inviting people under 21 but over 18 who can' t drink anyways, but I feel that this should be an adult event. I'm working super hard not to step on any toes.

 

The groom's parents are picking up the entire tab and I don't want them to think I'm going overboard by inviting 15 year olds and the like, since the per-head attendence will be rather high for this event. What do I do?

[Mary3]

How old are you ?

 

This is * your * wedding and YOU should be deciding everything from the guests to the cake

[Pyro]

I agree with Mary3. The final say on who can show up should be up to you. Plus, if you are going to a wine bar, it probably will not be that much fun to the younger one's who can't drink, so why invite them?

 

BTW, welcome to LS, neighbor.

[KnottyLady]

The groom's parents are picking up the entire tab

 

While the location sounds absolutely fabulous, this unfortunately is where they get you. Imagine how much leverage you'd have if it was coming purely out of you and your fiance's pocket! (*sigh!) You recognized the political part of this situation (smart, smart), but unless you're willing to foot at least some of the bill, it's going to be a tough one.

 

If talking to his mother won't work out (the part about underage in a wine bar sounds completely rational), maybe suggest to more casual party for the family (including dogs, cats, birds, whathaveyou) but hold another intimate party at the winebar closer to the wedding date (rehearsal dinner or a bridal shower?) at the wine bar where YOU get to call the shots?

[My Fair Katie]

How old are you ?

 

This is * your * wedding and YOU should be deciding everything from the guests to the cake

 

Um, no whoever pays gets to decide. The golden rule and all (he with the gold makes the rules). This is a party someone is throwing in THEIR honor, they don't get to choose the attendees. This is also the case if someone else foots the bill for the wedding other than the couple.

 

This is precisely why I didn't have a whole bunch of wedding-y events. I didn't want to pay for it, and I didn't really want to have to make all nice-y nice with certain family members. I can be, um, snobby.

 

Enjoy the wedding planning, it sucks (well it sucked for me, I LOATHE weddings and only had one to appease my folks and the inlaws---only child married only child). On the bright side, marriage is great.

 

Congrats on the engagement!