Pretty Fly Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 Ok, this has the potential to be long, but I'll try and keep it short... About 18 months ago, met a girl who was gorgeous, funny and just great to be around. We hung out for a bit, laughing and joking and stuff and I got the impression she was into me. I was right, as I made a move on her, and we went out for around 3 great months. I was completely over the moon, but I fear I played it too cool, as I was worried about scaring her off by being too into her (based on a previous relationship that went a bit awry). One day she asked me "where is this relationship going?". We had a chat, and everything seemed fine. Then she came round a few days later and finished it with me, citing "not having enough in common". This did confuse me as we'd spoken about this before and both said it didn't bother us (she's Indian, but born and grew up in UK, I'm white). So we didn't speak for a good few months as I found it really hard to get over her. As compared to any girl I'd met before I thought she was just amazing. Then we started chatting on off for a bit. And it came out when I asked her about the "things in common" thing that that was an excuse at the time and in reality she "wasn't sure what I wanted". This was interesting as a girl had just finished with me for "not putting in enough effort", even though I actually really liked her (again, the being too wary of scaring her off). And then about 3 or 4 months ago, me and the original girl really started getting on well again. Going for drinks and hanging out, even going for a meal (I wasn't paying for this stuff so no using for that going on). And the way she acted towards me was the same as when we originally met and she even admits to finding me attractive. Then we'd planned to do something one weekend, which wouldve meant me staying at hers and I was fully expecting to be on the couch to be honest. I got a phone call on the Friday afternoon from her saying that she'd been "speaking to a friend" who reckoned that we couldn't be just friends and she was phoning to check that we were just friends. So I said that I really enjoyed spending time with her and I felt we had a spark between us and that deep down, yes I would like something to happen between us. So she was like "oh, I like you but there's something that just doesn't feel right but I don't know what it is". So I asked "you really don't know or you don't want to tell me" and she said "really don't know". So I didn't go down to hers as I felt it would be awkward ,though she did asked me to reconsider (I still didn't go - mistake? what would you have done?) So we go through periods of not seeing each other then we'll see each other at work and go for a drink afterwards. And the way we talk and laugh and her attitude towards me is exactly the same as when we first met and she admits to being attracted to me. And I have such a great time with her and she's single. But I don't know what to do. Whether it's just going to end in me getting hurt (though I like hanging out with her, I know its not "just friends" for me because if I thought about her seeing someone else, I get jealous) or if I should persevere and see if it anything develops, as I've honestly never met a girl that I enjoy spending time with so much as her. Do I cut my losses and give up or do I fight for what I want? Cheers for reading if you got this far. Obviously I'm interested to hear what you people think. As a guy, I find it difficult to understand that she can find me attractive, enjoy spending time with me, be single, but not want anything further to happen. Can any girls explain that to me? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 1, 2006 Share Posted December 1, 2006 If you want her, you need to show her you want her. Sounds like you're holding back to much, and she doesn't necessarily feel special to you. Flirt, compliment her, tell her how wonderful she is, and ASK HER OUT ON A DATE where you treat her like she's the only woman in the room! Make her feel desired. The thing that "doesn't feel right" is that you aren't romancing her at all, you're not pursuing her, and you're not making her feel really wanted. You're acting like a friend, even though you told her you want more. It's hard for her to think of dating you when she can't see how you'd treat her special as a girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pretty Fly Posted December 12, 2006 Author Share Posted December 12, 2006 Thanks for the reply, what you say makes a lot of sense. So, if I ask her out on a date, any advice on how to approach the asking? Obviously I've asked girls out before, I'm just concerned that if I say, "hey let's do this" she'll assume we're just being friends. And if I say "I feel xyz for you, let's go on a date" it may be too much and scare her off. I want it to happen becuse it feels like it should happen in the moment, not because we decided beforehand. Presumably I need to aim for some sort of middle-ground like casually inviting her to do something and then being flirtacious and complimentary during it. And then I guess kissing her when/if it feels right... It's odd, I'm not usually like this. If I'm out with a girl and I think it's going well, I'll make a move and kiss her etc. Just with this girl, I seem to turn into a lump of mush and be unsure what to do!! Aaaargghh! I guess the worse that can happen is I make a fool of myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 its been since he ---- and how hard [that 2] because u are transiting 3 times and u know what they say after that. maybe its just me, or the crazy year i've had but when started dating off the net 4 years ago ui don't remember having so many rules we just did, and did and did....wink here's a question for women, u are on a date with intentions to go back to yer place to listen to some tunes and during conversation he tells u he has not date in 5 months - do u immediately he is bursting for some loving or LOSer and tell him to go home Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 i am doing the same thing we need to get some balance back in life my problem right now is i feel like I've lost so much time being ill and pepsi and when u have been isolated that long, that what happened when i was played and i know women hate to hear it when a man says yes i am ready to settle down family style women really do hate that right? and qq-do women hate being asked to go wedding ring shop with the guyy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pretty Fly Posted December 13, 2006 Author Share Posted December 13, 2006 With all due respect, i don't understand either of those last 2 posts! Link to post Share on other sites
Lostandfound Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 Friends or Lovers mmmnnnn The million dollar question My ex, became my ex because she used the excuse of having no time, and needed space, and then it transpired that she wanted to be friends for the moment. Which is what we are, of course we live seperate lives with her in another country, but we look out for each other, if she calls or texts and i havent replied she gets agitated and sends another or tries again. Despite when i have contacted her I get the same treatment. This to me, is the simple fact that she does not want me right now, but does not want anyone else to have me, WHY?? Well its simple she obviously wants me as a safety net. I believe that if you are lovers, and then go to being friends, it wont be long until the spark comes back, lovers again for sure! And stronger than ever. Of course whether I will be here for her as a lover when she decides to make her mind up is a risk she has to take. Link to post Share on other sites
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