will my ex now be happy with her abusive ex?

[Guest]

I found a girl that was great after looking for a 'real' thing for a while, but she was at what became the end of an emotionally (not physically) abusive relationship. She dumped him for me and we got together and had a few months of honeymoon. Then she dumped me because she said I wasn't emotionally supportive (true). We were back together unofficially like 3 weeks later. Eventually I got sick of it and forced her to be officially together again... which lasted a month; she dumped me again with very bad excuses.

 

We still slept together for one more month, and then I spent 3 months just being her close friend and showing her how much I cared for her (I still do care). Since she dumped me the first time she had a crush on another guy who just wanted sex (it never happened though), so when she found this out, a month later she was sleeping with me again, but not "with me" officially. After that she had a crush on another guy who turned to be a drug addict, so she came back to me emotionally again, but not physically this time. A month later she decided she was going to get back with her ex-boyfriend (the abusive one!) because she had been really "missing" him.

 

My point is, of course, what the heck?! How could she go back with him after she had to go to the police to let them know he had been following her around after their breakup? I mean, if you want more abuse stories, ask away, but from what I could gather back then and her friends, he was a pretty bad guy. But she said she had been missing him for a while now and THUS he MUST be "the one". When she told me all this she sounded SO convinced that he is her true love and whatnot. Anyhow, I decided to cut off all contact with her... not just to FINALLY move on (we NEVER stopped talking every day, even when we broke up)... but to let her realise that I wasn't just "a friend" in her life.

 

I am trying to move on and leave her in the past, but to be honest, I really feel like they don't belong together and I wouldn't want her to get hurt again, and I would like to get some input on this... they didn't even talk for over a year, but he was abusive... will that ever change? She thinks it will and is in a honeymoon stage right now... and in a way I would like her to contact me in a few months and tell me she made a mistake... for my own interest... but really... I wouldn't want her to go through all that again! Although there is nothing I can do, she is going with it and begged me not to tell her what I thought of it, which I agreed to.

 

Enough rant. Are they gonna last? haha some question... and, what should I do? Is cutting off ALL contact the right thing to do?

I want to get my peace in my life back... and this has been a very rough ride for a really long time. I wouldn't want her to realize his ex was abusive after all and just go back to me as consolation. But I also think that we really had something, even if she let it go... her friends and sister even told me a few times that they had never seen her so in love... and when we broke up she said she had never been so upset over a breakup (which includes the abusive guy who is now with her again). I am just worried she is an a cycle of abuse and I am the one suffering over her. What do you think? what chances has she got???

[Krying]

There's nothing you can do in this situation guest. My situation was very very similar to yours but my ex got married 3 weeks after leaving me for her ex. I came to that same conclusion too that since she could not get over him, she felt he must have been "the one". That's how I felt she was feeling at the time instead of the obvious, it takes time to get over people, that doesn't mean they are the love of your life. I too don't want to see my ex get hurt, but here's some info for you. All girls know exactly what they are doing ALL the time. Don't ever for a second believe they are confused or don't know which person to spend their life with. It's all just deception. She may love you, but clearly not enough for you to be her focus. You are simply an option to her.

 

I know in my heart my ex is going to feel the pain she once did with her ex again at some point in their relationship. That's why she left him in the first place. But she's also I feel turning a blind eye to things as well. It just so happens her husband is now hanging out with and working with a fellow who has no morals whatsoever. Wife sharing, hookers, strippers, hard drugs, you name it and this guy has done it all. My ex's husband never was the honest faithful type either. He lies about every single thing now to friends even when there is no need to. I know my ex must know at least a little about this behavior but I think she's turning a blind eye to it and trying to be the "subservient wife" if you know what I mean. This is only going to backfire and she'll get hurt. The person I still love will get hurt. But as I said before, there is nothing you can do about it. She has turned a blind eye to you and the same goes for my ex. They are both convinced they know what they are doing, and whatever you say will fall on deaf ears.

 

That doesn't mean I'm going to wait around for her though. I love her dearly. I know when her marriage bombs, she'll be thinking of me. Hopefully by then I would have found someone who will appreciate me and is honest. Let's put it this way, if my ex's marriage ended, and she came contacting me again saying whatever it is she thinks I want to hear, it doesn't hold any weight. Her actions in leaving me, and how she did it, tell me more about her character than anything she can say. Plus she's only going to be saying these things when she's down, hurt and miserable.

 

Anyway, good luck in your situation. I know it's hard. My advice is I don't have any. I can't sort myself out let alone help you, but I wish you luck all the same.